I made a stupid mistake on my previous post of typing the wrong ID.
​
YammerS was a Chinese Dota2 commentator. He posted his suicide notes in Weibo and I translated them. However the images are highly compressed and I can't use image to text convertor. I have to type every single character down and translate them. I was bursted into tears when I was doing so. Please if anyone had suicidal thought, go and seek immediate help.
Australia (Beyond Blue): 1300 22 4636 (Lifeline Australia): 13 11 14
US (National Suicidal prevention lifeline): 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
​
https://preview.redd.it/ss5nlbcrfr2b1.png?width=1080&format=png&auto=webp&s=9775dd86e1b92ca21a5c8d99a0d87b835000c31e
Here is the translated notes:
In the main post:
This is a scheduled Weibo post. After all these years, I still can't let go of the hatred in my heart. I can't find reconciliation within myself either. I know I have wronged many people. It's all because of me, the beginning and the end. Let it end.
In the images:
I was born in a small city in Hebei in 1997, in a residential compound belonging to a typical working-class family. My father is a retired soldier who transitioned to work in China Railway (中铁), and our family settled here. My mother, originally from Hubei, came here with my sister and got married to my father through a mutual introduction. Both of them had previous failed marriages, and this one was also destined to fail. However, I was born in the second year of their marriage.
As far as I can remember, during my childhood, I mostly lived with my mother. Due to my father's work on construction sites, he was often away for long periods. This resulted in very little time spent with my father during my childhood and adolescence. Additionally, my father was introverted, had a peculiar temper, and didn't talk much with me. We would only meet once a year or sometimes every two years, so when I was very young, I kept asking my mother when my father would come back. I longed for my father's presence, but I hardly received any fatherly love or feedback.
Living in this residential compound with many children, one would expect my childhood playtime to be joyful. However, for me, it was all nightmares and pain. I distinctly remember how the adults in the compound looked at me differently when I was very young. Many parents didn't allow their children to play with me. Initially, I thought it was because our family had a poor financial condition or maybe I was a bit mischievous. It was later when I grew up that I found out the real reasons, which I will explain later. Despite the challenges, I eventually managed to integrate into the circle of children my age. Although I still faced bullying, it didn't bother me much. The most painful experiences were being bullied by the older kids, who were probably already in junior high school when I was still in kindergarten. One summer, I vividly remember coming out of my house, eating strawberries, and being noticed by the older kids. They lured me to the former staff building with their toy guns, saying they wanted me to play with them. Once there, they held me down and forced me to drink their urine while prying my mouth open. I ran back home crying and vomiting. Another time, three or four people cornered me in a corner of the compound and made me perform oral sex on them. I resisted that time and my cries attracted adults, so they let me go. Later, as I grew up, I realized that I was not the only one who was being bullied at that time. There was also a girl my age who went through unimaginable things. Moreover, many of these older kids were children of China Railway executives, born into powerful and influential families. But they were truly like beasts. I will never forget these memories.
As time passed, it was time for me to go to primary school. Due to my poor comprehension ability compared to children of the same age and my lack of concentration as a child (possibly due to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), my first-grade exam results were very poor. I only remember having Chinese and mathematics as the earliest subjects. While many children achieved excellent scores, I barely passed in one subject and failed in another. When I returned home, I was scolded and beaten. That was the first time I started resisting learning from the bottom of my heart. I said I didn't understand... I hadn't learned... My mother believed that I wasn't paying attention in class. My parents themselves had a low level of education, especially my mother, who couldn't help me with my studies. Later, they spent money on tutoring, and my grades improved slightly in second and third grade..
In grades four, five, and six, there were changes in the homeroom teacher. During this time, some kids started demanding protection fees, and if you didn't pay, they would beat you up. As a result, I got into fights more frequently. I was called to the office and falsely accused of starting trouble. I was also bad at expressing myself and couldn't defend myself properly. The teacher didn't believe me, and in the end, I was the one who got beaten up and punished. The corporal punishment by teachers in the small city's school was really outrageous. They would actually hit you, slap your face, hit you with a soft pencil, or use a stick. It was during that time when my grades were already average, and I started hating studying. I didn't want to go to school anymore, I didn't want to attend classes. I started pretending to be sick and skipping classes. I completely lost interest in studying, and it was probably in sixth grade when something happened. The classroom door lock was broken, and coincidentally, I was cleaning after school. Some students were fooling around and broke the lock. Later, they went and told the teacher that I did it, and they even testified against me. The teacher didn't believe what I said, and in front of many teachers in the office, they kept hitting my palms with a soft pencil until they were all bruised, asking me to admit it quickly. It was then that I truly understood what it meant to be coerced into confession. In the end, I couldn't bear the pain anymore and admitted to it. I even bought a new lock to replace the broken one in the classroom. After that, I didn't want to go to school anymore. Some might ask why I didn't talk to my mother about it. It was because there was already a rift between us regarding my academic performance. In the eyes of my relatives and family members, I had already become a poor student and a bad child. I didn't study properly and started sneaking off to internet cafes. I didn't care anymore and didn't want to say anything to them.
After entering junior high school, in the first and second years, our physical education teacher served as the homeroom teacher. Since I hadn't laid a good foundation in elementary school, I continued to hate studying in junior high. I would disrupt classes, talk back, and get into fights. During the first two years, corporal punishment and long lectures at home accompanied my education. This period was also my rebellious phase. My father returned to work, and they would argue all day long at home, which was true. They would argue all the time, every moment of the day. The old-style building had poor sound insulation. The entire neighborhood could hear the sound of our arguments, and in addition to the school issues, I would have endless arguments with my family. On one hand, I didn't want to attend school and face punishment, and on the other hand, I didn't want to go back home. I was already feeling a bit depressed. During that time, I would skip classes, go online, play Dota, stay up all night, and sleep in school the next day. It was during this period that I learned a devastating truth, not to mention how I found out, but I discovered that I wasn't my parents' biological child. I was the illegitimate child of a relative, and to cover up their mistake, they brought in my father as a substitute and got married. I was born quickly in the second year of their marriage. That's also why, since I was young, the kids in the neighborhood would always bully me, and adults would look at me with strange eyes, including the children of many parents who initially didn't let their kids play with me. I truly broke down at that moment. It was also during that time that I developed depression, and I started hating myself and my family more and more. I really didn't want to live during that period. One day in the second semester of eighth grade, I bought sleeping pills. At that time, the control over sleeping pills wasn't as strict as it is now. I attempted suicide, but I didn't take enough, so I didn't die. Later, a teacher visited our home and conducted a home visit, asking me about the reasons. I didn't say anything. I just said I wasn't happy and that life had no meaning. The homeroom teacher was probably afraid of taking responsibility, so the attitudes of all the teachers toward me changed afterward. At the very least, they didn't bother me anymore when I slept in class. After moving up to ninth grade, aside from changing the homeroom teacher, the other subject teachers remained the same. During this time, I encountered the second great teacher in my life. The first one was Mr. Cai in the first three years of elementary school. This teacher's last name was Tian. He was our chemistry teacher, and maybe it was because of what happened in my eighth grade... As I write this, I'm finding it difficult to control my emotions. After taking over our class, he had individual conversations with each student. He was the first and only teacher who wanted to be friends with me. He always encouraged me, saying that I wasn't any worse than anyone else and that I should be confident. My depression improved a lot during my ninth grade year, and I studied diligently. However, because I had fallen so far behind before, I couldn't catch up. In the end, I didn't pass the high school entrance exam, and I left home to study in Shijiazhuang. I didn't want to continue living in that city or return to that home.
The three years of studying and living in Shijiazhuang were among the few happy times in my life. My depression rarely occurred during this period. With a completely new environment, new friends, and classmates, I actively engaged in my studies. I joined the student council and became a department head. I played basketball, exercised, and played Dota. Overall, I felt fulfilled. The only regret was that during the final stage of the semester, I had my first official romantic relationship, but it ended in betrayal. Afterward, I didn't date anyone for the next five years.
After graduation, I interned at a China Railway unit, which happened to be in Shijiazhuang. At that time, Shijiazhuang was constructing a subway, and since I studied surveying, I decided to stay. It was my first time entering the workforce, and many things shattered my preconceptions. There was hypocrisy and flattery in the workplace, colleagues engaging in office politics, data manipulation, construction companies cutting corners, and project managers having affairs behind their spouses' backs... The world turned out to be different from what I had imagined. In the first half of the year, I worked diligently, but in the latter half, I started contemplating what I really wanted to do, and my enthusiasm for work diminished. After the completion of the project I was involved in, I resigned directly. I left Shijiazhuang and became a commentator.
My depression completely erupted in mid-March 2019 when my father passed away due to illness. He had been tormented by the disease for several months and eventually succumbed to the pain. During his last few days, I stayed by his side, watching him and reflecting on his two failed marriages and the mistreatment he endured at his workplace, only to be plagued by the disease until his death. After the funeral, in April, I returned to my rented house in Shanghai. During that time, I would spend the entire night talking to myself in the house, painfully banging my head against the wall. Every day, when I looked into the mirror, I felt an intense disgust towards the person I saw. As I grew older, I resembled my biological father more and more, and I couldn't even count how many times I had hurt myself in front of the mirror. This state of mind persisted until recently, where I would only take a bite of food every two or three days, experiencing headaches and various sleep disturbances. Sometimes, I would even have uncontrollable fits of laughter and engage in self-talk. I'm really not doing well.
In recent years, I have started squandering money to fill the emptiness in my heart. I can't find meaning in life, and I can't reconcile with my past either. Many people have told me that it's not my fault, that I shouldn't blame myself for the mistakes of others, and that I should live my own life. You could also say that this is my way of escaping from reality, that I'm a weak and useless person. Well, so be it. Without me, this family that should never have existed wouldn't have come into being. There wouldn't have been so many things that should or shouldn't have happened. This family emerged because of me, and today I will end it by taking my own life. Everything from the beginning has been wrong, and I hope this mistake can be corrected now. My inner pain can finally come to an end. Today, when I leave, I will leave with a smile. Every second in this world, many people are born and die. Without me, the world won't be lacking anything. I don't want to come to this earthly realm again in my next life, and I hope that in the future, you won't create a tragic family for the sake of your own selfish desires or to cover up your own mistakes.
Please forgive my selfishness and cowardice, and please forgive my pain and struggles. Goodbye.

Mi "Yammers" Hongwei is a Chinese caster from China. He is considered as one of the best Chinese stream commentator. His liquipedia link: Yammers - Liquipedia Dota 2 Wiki
Here is his weibo(kind like facebook). Translated by google translate. Disclaimer: OP assumes no responsibility or liability for any errors or omissions in the content of this post. The information contained in this post is provided on an "as is" basis with no guarantees of completeness, accuracy, usefulness or timeliness. If you may feel depressed reading this post, please reach out for help.
This is a scheduled Weibo. After all these years, I still can’t let go of the hatred in my heart, and I can’t reconcile with myself. I also know that I’m sorry for many people. It’s all because of me. Let’s end it.
https://preview.redd.it/80j4fla91r2b1.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=db0589274220dde10de641bba4bab83b71017033
I was born in a small city in Hebei in 1997, in a family compound, in an ordinary worker's family.My father is a veteran, after retiring transferred to work in China Railway, and then settled here. My mother is from Hubei. After coming here with my sister, she married my father through introduction. Both of them had a failed marriage before, which was also a failure. Then there was me in the second year of marriage.
As far as I can remember, I lived with my mother most of the time when I was a child, and my father was on the construction site all year round because of the project, which also caused me to spend very little time with my father in my childhood. In addition, my father has a withdrawn personality, has a strange temper, and doesn’t talk to me much. We only meet once a year or once every two years, so when I was very young, I always asked my mother when my father would come back. I was able to see it during the Chinese New Year, and I kept talking non-stop, and he basically replied perfunctorily, that I basically didn't get any fatherly love.
Living in this family compound, there are so many children, logically speaking, childhood should be very happy, but for me, this is all a nightmare and pain. I was particularly impressed by the adults in the yard. When I was very young, they looked at me differently. Many parents would not let their children play with me. At first I thought it was because our family conditions were not good, or I'm a little naughty, and I will know the reason when I grow up, and I will talk about it later. After several twists and turns, I still integrated into the circle of children of the same age. Although I still suffered from some bullying occasionally, it didn’t matter anymore. The most painful memory for me should be the thing of being bullied by boys older than me. At that time, I was still in kindergarten, and those children were already junior high school students. That summer, when I came out from home and ate strawberries, I was seen by several older children. They held imitation gun toys and told me to play, and pushed me into an abandoned apartment building. Four or five people held my hand. My limbs poured urine on me, opened my mouth on the spot, and kept urinating. Then I ran home crying and vomiting all the way. Another time, it was also three or four people who dragged me to the corner of the compound to make me suck their cock. That time I didn't give in, and the crying attracted the adults, so they gave up. When I grew up, I realized that it was not only me who was bullied, but also girls of my age. It was hard to imagine what they would go through. Moreover, many of these older children are children of leaders, born in powerful families, but they are really assholes. I will never forget this memory.
As time goes by, it's time for me to go to elementary school, because my comprehension ability may be worse than that of children of the same age. In addition, when I was young, I was inattentive and a little hyperactive. My first test in the first grade was very poor. I remember that the earliest subjects at that time were only Chinese and mathematics. Many children got full marks. But for me, one of them just passed and the other failed. When I got home, I was scolded and beaten. That was the first time I started to resist learning from the bottom of my heart. I said that I really didn't understand...I didn't learn...My mother just thought that I didn't pay attention to the class, and my parents had a very low level of education, especially me. Mom, she can't help me. Later, I spent money on cram school, and my grades in the second and third grades were slightly better. Grades 4, 5 and 6 my head teacher changes, and at this time some children began to collect protection fees, and they would fight you if you didn’t pay. After that, the frequency of my fights became more and more frequent. I was called to the office and framed. I was stupid, I was bad at defending myself, the teacher didn't believe me, and I was the one who was beaten and punished in the end. The school teachers in small cities punished people really outrageously, really beat them, slapped their mouths, whipped people with soft pencils, and beat them with sticks. It was also at that time, my grades were mediocre at that time, I started to get tired of studying, I didn't want to go to school, I didn't want to go to school, I started to pretend to be sick, and skipped classes. Completely tired of studying, it should be an incident in the sixth grade. The door lock in the class was broken by someone. I happened to be cleaning after school. A few students fought and broke the door lock. Then I ran to tell the teacher , I broke it, and they testified to each other, the teacher didn’t believe what I said, in front of so many teachers in the office, they kept hitting my palms with soft pencils, and they were all smashed, let me admit it quickly, I was really at that time Knowing what it means extort confessions under torture , in the end I really couldn't stand the pain and admitted it. I also bought a new lock for the class to change. I never wanted to go to school at that time. Some people will ask why you didn't tell your mother, because of the academic performance, I have already separated from my mother. At this time, in the eyes of my relatives and family members, I am already a poor student and a bad boy. If I don't study hard, I will secretly go online. , I don't care anymore, I don't want to say anything to them.
https://preview.redd.it/7kkel8aa1r2b1.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=da27d654ca56a622970fb849b9981d99aef00ed9
After entering junior high school, our class teachers in the first and second grades were all physical education teachers. In addition, my previous foundation was not well established, and I continued to be tired of studying in junior high school, chatting and fighting in class all day long. The first two years were spent with corporal punishment education and parents. This period was also my rebellious period. My father also transferred back from work, and my parents quarreled all day long. This is true. Every day, all the time, we are arguing, really all the time. The sound insulation of the old-fashioned buildings is very poor. The sound of our family’s quarrel can be heard in the whole courtyard. In addition to my school’s affairs, I also have endless quarrels with my family. On the one hand, I don't want to go home, and I'm already a little depressed. During that time, I skipped classes and played dota online, all night long. Went to sleep at school the next day. Later, it was also during this period that I knew, a thing that broke me down. Let’s not talk about how I know, I know that I was not born to my parents, but the illegitimate child of relatives, and then they found my father as a successor in order to cover up their mistakes, and I was born soon after the second year of marriage. , This is also the reason why the children in the yard have been bullying me since I was a child, and the adults looked at me strangely and refused to let their children play with me. I really broke down at that moment, and it was at that time that I suffered from depression. I became more and more disgusted with myself, and I hated my family more and more. At that time, I really didn’t want to live anymore. One day in the second semester of the second year of junior high school, I bought sleeping pills. At that time, the regulations on sleeping pills were not as strict as they are now. I committed suicide, but didn't eat enough to die. Later, the teacher came to our house for a home visit and asked me why, but I didn't say anything, I just said that I was not happy and that my life was meaningless. The head teacher is probably also afraid of taking responsibility. After that, all the teachers’ attitudes towards me have changed. At least they never bothered me when I slept in class, hhhh.
After entering the third year of junior high school, except for the change of the head teacher, the teachers of other subjects did not change. At this time, I met, the second good teacher in my life. The first one was Teacher Cai in the first three grades of elementary school. The teacher's surname is Tian. He is our chemistry teacher. It may also be because of my second year of junior high school... I can't control my emotions when I write here. After he took over our class, he talked to the students one by one. He was the first and only teacher who said he wanted to be my friend, he always encouraged me, he said you are no worse than anyone else, you have to be confident. In the third year of junior high school, my depression eased a lot, and I also studied hard for a year, but because I had left too much behind, I couldn't even catch up. In the end, I still failed the high school entrance examination, and then left home to study in Shijiazhuang. I don't want to continue living in this city either. I don't want to go back to this home.
The three years of studying and living in Shijiazhuang were one of the few happy times in my life, and my depression rarely broke out. Brand new environment + brand new friends and classmates, I am actively studying, I joined the student union and became a minister. Basketball + exercise + dota I have a very fulfilling overall life. The only legacy is the first official love in my life in the last stage of the semester, and I was cuckolded. I didn't have a relationship for the next five years.
After graduating, I went to China Railway for an internship, and I happened to stay in Shijiazhuang. At that time, Shijiazhuang was constructing the subway. and my major was surveying, so I stayed there. Maybe the first time I began to work, many things broke my cognition. Hypocrisy and flattery in the workplace, intrigue among colleagues, false reporting of data, cutting corners by construction units, project managers who have families behind their backs to find mistresses... This world is really different from what I imagined. I was very serious in the first half of the year. In the next six months, I was thinking about what I wanted to do, and basically I didn't have any enthusiasm for work. Later, I resigned directly when I was working on the project I was working on. Leaving Shijiazhuang. Do a commentator.
My depression broke out completely in mid-March 2019, and my father passed away due to illness. I was tortured by the disease for nearly several months, and finally passed away in pain. In the last few days, I have been by his side. Looking at him, thinking back on his life, two failed marriages, being bullied by others in the workplace, and finally being tortured to death by illness. After the funeral, I went back to my rented house in Shanghai in April. During that time, I talked to myself all night in the room, banging my head against the wall in pain. I looked in the mirror every day, and I was disgusted when I saw myself in the mirror. The more I grow up, the more I look like my biological father. I can’t count how many times I have smoked myself in the mirror. This state has continued until the last two or three days. I laughed out of control and said to myself, I really can't do it. In recent years, I have started to squander money to fill the void in my heart. I can't find the meaning of life, and I can't reconcile myself with the past. Many people have said to me, you are not to blame for this matter, don't blame yourself for other people's faults, you have to live your own life. You could also say it's my excuse to escape from real life, a weak, useless piece of shit. whatever. Without me, there wouldn’t be this, this family that shouldn’t be there, and there wouldn’t be so many things that shouldn’t be there. This family came into existence because of me, and today I killed myself, and it ends with me. Everything was wrong from the beginning, and now this mistake can be corrected. My own inner pain can finally be over, and I leave today with a smile on my face. Many people die and are born every second in this world, without me, this world will not lack anything. I don't want to come to this world in my next life. I also hope that you will not create a tragic family for your own selfish desires or to cover up your mistakes in the future. Dota2_Yammers
Please forgive my selfishness and cowardice, and please understand my pain and struggle. goodbye
https://preview.redd.it/sz4ecsva1r2b1.jpg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c7be1f595d946ed5571d4f077927f5f823825f80
I don't want to comment too much, just want to tell the story of a poor man, a dota lover. Hope dota brings him more happiness in his life. He has a famous voice line, which content is "再见了宝贝”, means "goodbye baby". I don't know if valve can do anything to make it a memorial.
R.I.P.

https://manabox.app/decks/_F71blZISSe6q53y0Xzm7Q
Hey guys!
So I’m thinking of buying the bits for Aether Recommission Elementals - but I’ve got some elementals I’m thinking could make the cut (they’re in the maybeboard in the link):
Tunnel Ignus: Being able to vial this onto the field in response to a fetch and crack - seems pretty decent, especially if the opponent was gonna shock themselves - 5 damage is a fair bit. This also is great in elementals mirrors in response to risen reef triggers as it just forces them to fill their hand with lands.
Unsettled Mariner: Can be fetched by harbinger, and gives all our permanents and us Ward 1 essentially - which could save us from burn strategies or hand disruption/scam.
Voice of Resurgence: Pitch card for solitude, and fills our board with accumulating blockers/attackers which forces our opponents to deal with it. Maybe too low power, but still potentially a powerhouse?
Incandescent Soulstoke: Pitch to Fury. Buffs all our elementals, which is very relevant with Thunderkin Awakener being able to reanimate stuff with higher toughness, such as fury and solitude etc.. It also can just put cards from our hand into play, much like Vial, and then they’re in the GY for recommission - also for things like Thunderkin it’s a free reanimation.
Lightning Skelemental: I love the idea of this card - 1 toughness means we can reanimate it with Thunderkin, and then when it connects it just disrupts opponents hands so much. The mana cost is a bit much, but with the Creature Type specific lands it’s not terrible? I think maybe it is a bit weak and easily dealt with, but it does force the opponent to deal with it as it’s gonna just keep threatening to come back.
Thoughts?

I really need and am looking for advice, reassurance and some big-sisterly support here. Please chime in if you can help offer some clarity and perspective. I'm happy to take follow up questions in the comments where needed.
Pros:

• the dynamic needs more time to stabilize
• mutual attraction, chemistry. I think he's incredibly handsome
• Good sex, our appetites and approaches match
• Fitness goals align. Can cook as well as me too so mealprepping together might be fun if we get to it
• keen to be a father. Wants a relationship
• we share major trauma and seem to understand each other deeply around this
• wants to work on things
• funny, his perspective on finding the humor in small things. Our laughs together are chefs kiss
• he's perceptive and notices small things
• I respect how he thinks about his career
• he has been listening to me when I confide in him about fucked up past trauma. His reaction to certain very difficult things I told him was absolutely precious, empathetic, and supportive, which I appreciate
• willing to admit mistakes when he understands me
• he has rarely hesitated to hold my hand or kiss me nonsexually (forehead) in public
• conventionally masculine af yet has a sensitive side. Has teared up in front of me on a couple occasions when talking about past hurts. I like it when men can be soft like this.
• strong headed, focused with work and gym
• Shares his personal /family stories with me, we have reached a comfort level with being emotionally intimate at least in some aspects
• Makes time for us, sexual and nonsexual. He has almost never made excuses to avoid spending time together.
• We notice and remember each others likes and dislikes for the most part
• He has volunteered to do small things for me sometimes, like pick up new socks when I needed them and couldn't make it happen the previous day
• he has been super patient with me whenever he has actively not let his anger get the best of him
• Only guy in my dating history I've been as comfortable farting around🤓
• shares his protein with me. Brings me fruit snacks for the gym
• I love spending time with him. We have done upto 26 straight hours together, totally nonsexual, and never once been bored.
• We talk through fights incredibly well when mutually at peace but this is rare
• has gone out of his way to apologise when I tried ending the relationship after the last disappointment. ran to catch up to me down a subway and showed up at my doorstep to apologise for a misunderstanding (and to apologise for showing up at my doorstep like that). This is when I suggested a break to think things through.
• he has, since the break, admitted total responsibility for the cons to follow and says he really cares, and wants to change.
• I genuinely like this man

Cons:

• I can't trust him. He lies, repeated instances of shady behaviour with phone, texts etc. Phone always on silent and in pocket. Promised to change this, lasted 2 days before continuing on the same way. Has promised to change this again during our break but I have set lower expectations. He has deleted chats, which he says is out of habit.
• his doucheiest point here is this - he asked his friend to explicitly hide something he did from me (take a flight to a different city and put a story up for close friends on ig from there, which I'm not on) which I reasonably freaked out about when I found out about when looking at their chat once (more on this in a following point). I had a pregnancy scare (no judgement please) during this week, he only found out a few days after he had potentially left. I had a full fledged panic attack at this time. He didnt see me all week, instead lied to me saying he had covid. He did reassure me that he was there for me on video calls repeatedly but flat out refused to see me saying he was sick so couldn't. I have a feeling he actually did traveled to the other city but he denies that vehemently, saying he had lied to his friend instead because he had put up an older story from that city and wanted to avoid a fight between us. I still am not sure whether he traveled or not during this time.
• I have had two anxiety attacks and one panic attack in our time together.
• he RARELY, if ever, does what he says he's going to do. Follow-through rate is pretty shit.
• I don't always feel respected. He has humiliated me in public once or twice, unnecessarily gossipped about me to his friend in early stages which I somehow found out during an argument one night.
• I've become the person who looks at his phone. I've looked thrice, with his consent. Never in any prior relationship have I done this or felt the need to do this. I despise that I have developed trust issues that have led me here, I hate that I've become this person. I don't want to be this.
• naturally flirtatious and has trouble seeing his flirtatiousness for what it is, although has accepted and corrected behaviour with some resistance when pointed out
• Hes sketch about future marriage if or when (dying institution) although open to it if deeply in love
• I could get badly emotionally hurt again if he stays reckless with my boundaries
• he gets uncomfortable/ reactive to handling big emotions with me. Difficult with communication
• Hasnt taken time to read about my mental health diagnosis (complex trauma). Doesn't seem invested in trying to understand me deeper in this context
• he isn't as transparent yet as I'd like a partner to be
• sometimes it feels like he's 'exhibiting the idea of our relationship' for display
• he jams to Anu Malik unironically
• doesn't dive/ love the ocean, wherein I'm a mermaid
• he's much more social than I am, so gym dates have been constantly interrupted by people walking up to him and on one occasion him forgetting about me for a good 20 mins mid-workout to go spot some chick and listen to her work troubles. He cut her off completely following me telling him how I felt about it. He admitted she may have been flirting. His boundaries have been better since with female friendships, but there's still past baggage to be sorted out coming up now and then.
• had a previous affinity for drink+drugs though it is has not been an issue right now with us yet
• flexes in every mirror he sees🙄
• slow to adopt agreed upon changes into practice
• stubborn
• hasn't actively taken the lead with planning date nights, opts for easy low investment dates often
• gross lifting ig account (toxic masculinity)(I refused to follow it)
• major anger issues. He lost a parent very young. Has broken a door in his anger once. Called me a bitch another time. Apologized both times quickly.
• not open minded to therapy, I've suggested
• some potentially toxic/narcy tendencies although he has apologized when he knows hes at fault. can be super emotionally immature, selfish sometimes
• has never called me beautiful, instead says pretty hot, cute etc. Dilutes compliments with backhanded comments sometimes in the spirit of humor but I haven't enjoyed this
• he hasn't asked for my opinion on things yet
• he has some bouts of insecurity although I've never given him a reason to feel like that
• smokes, no desire to quit

People that blame crypto for anything are no different than people that blame cars for car accidents, guns for wars, food for obesity and internet and videogames for violence and seeking validations on social media. All those things just like crypto are tools. It is humans that pull the trigger, drive drunk or scam someone in crypto space. Most people do not buy shitcoins, lose money due to stupid mistakes, fall for scams or scam others cause they are stupid or evil, they have no choice, they are desperat, economy is fucked up, wages too low to survive, world is basically failing. And crypto is just top of the iceverg of issues. Even if people wouldn't gamble away their lifesavings in crypto or didn't scam they would find other place to do simmilar things, they would do crimes irl or rob some shop, cause they are desperate and hopeless. Whole system is the issue, majority of people are miserable and unhappy, maybe 10 or 20% have ok lives and only 1% or less are trully free amd can truly decide about their own lives.
Crypto ain't bad, crypto is just a mirror of our society and current economic, political and psychological issues our world have. People think regulation or punishing scammers or influences will change things, but those ain't crypto problems, problem is those people want or have to do it at the first place. Crypto do not cause crimes, tax evasion, scams, following influencers, rugpulls or technological mistakes. Crypto is just showing insecurity and jealousy of average person, lack of proper financial and tech education, low wages, political and economic shitshow, inflation, lack of perspectives etc. Cure the cause not the results.
If anything crypto can solve most of those problems if you use it is correctly, cause it is a tool and only you, me or others decide how we will use it. If anything blame the system, sometimes terrible people but not crypto or crypto community as a whole. Most of people or whole crypto tech is not at fault. Just a result of "...the world we live in" as popular song says. If anyone think you can just regulate thing enough and force anyone to be nice in crypto and think it solve they are either totally naive or manipulative.

I was severely abused and controlled by my parents well into adulthood. The abuse was extreme. I did not break free of them until one of them got sick and died. The other one fell into alcoholism after that and stopped bothering me. This didn't happen until I was over 30. I lived the majority of my 20s mostly in isolation with those two lunatics. Believe me when I tell you my mental and physical health suffered greatly as a result. I never had a normal job, drove a car, nothing like that. They kept me ignorant and helpless and afraid of everything.
The past 5 years, I have been trying as hard as I can to recover and build a life for myself and integrate into society. I have severe anxiety disorder, which makes things even more difficult for me. I keep fighting against it. However, a lot of times, I lose the fighting spirit in me, and I just fall into despair and hopelessness. All those years taken from me, and then another 5 years of struggle to recover and try to catch up in life, being so far behind. Doing things in my 30s I should have been able to do when I was a teen, like learning to drive and having a normal job. Embarrassing and humiliating.
I lost all my youth. I never had a chance to date, get married. I never had children. I have no career. I'm just an old woman now, with nothing to show for it. I'm in college pursuing a vocation so I can support myself and live in my own place and pull myself out of poverty, but I fail to see the point. I have a 4.0 in school, but I don't care. I don't care about working or making money. For what? Just to support myself so I can live alone in an apartment?
I have no friends or family. I don't know how to make connections with anyone at this age. I don't belong anywhere. I am friendly and kind with strangers, but nothing goes past being an acquaintance.
I feel like I am a ghost, just going through the motions of life, but not really alive. No one sees me. No one cares about me.
I will have times where I get motivated and feel optimistic. When I'm in that mindset, I am very disciplined and make efforts to live and create goals and pursue them. I convince myself that I have a future worth fighting for. I try taking an interest in the subject I'm studying at school. I imagine myself working and making money and being financially independent. I think about the hobbies I want to take up, places I want to go, etc. I'll dress nice and feel some confidence when I walk out in public and feel that I'm somebody. I'll feel gratitude at finally being free, at being able to go outside on my own, in the fresh air and sunshine without fear of being "caught" or beaten.
But then I have times where I fall into despair and hopelessness. I feel like a ridiculous fool for thinking I could be a real person. That I could look nice in a pretty, bright blouse. That anyone would want me around. I stop taking care of myself. Eat junk, sleep all day long, stop exercising, stop showering. Wear the same dark clothes every day. I dissociate a lot. Everything loses meaning or promise. The cheerful flowers I bought when I felt real are left to wither and rot in their vase.
All I ever wanted in life was to be loved. I never have been and never will be. My past is nothing but ugliness and suffering. And I see nothing in the future for me. I am just a tarnished, broken person now that no one wants around. There is no one for me to relate to and I have to keep my bizarre past a shameful, dirty secret from everyone. I struggle with self hatred, low self esteem and BDD. I'm sure that's a product of all the abuse and solitude and shame. Things are already difficult as can be. The inability to even look at myself in the mirror only makes it all the more trying. The loneliness I feel is debilitating.
I've done all these things to develop my independence and autonomy that I never had before. I try to develop a sense of self now that my life is finally my own and I'm not being controlled anymore. But there is no point. I always wanted to be free, but now that I am, I don't know what to do. My freedom came far too late. All is lost.

I really need and am looking for advice, reassurance and some big-sisterly support here. Please chime in if you can help offer some clarity and perspective? I'm happy to take follow up questions in the comments where needed.
Pros:

• the dynamic needs more time to stabilize
• mutual attraction, chemistry. I think he's incredibly handsome
• Good sex, our appetites and approaches match
• Fitness goals align. Can cook as well as me too so mealprepping together might be fun if we get to it
• keen to be a father. Wants a relationship
• we share major trauma and seem to understand each other deeply around this
• wants to work on things
• funny, his perspective on finding the humor in small things. Our laughs together are chefs kiss
• he's perceptive and notices small things
• I respect how he thinks about his career
• he has been listening to me when I confide in him about fucked up past trauma. His reaction to certain very difficult things I told him was absolutely precious, empathetic, and supportive, which I appreciate
• willing to admit mistakes when he understands me
• he has rarely hesitated to hold my hand or kiss me nonsexually (forehead) in public
• conventionally masculine af yet has a sensitive side. Has teared up in front of me on a couple occasions when talking about past hurts. I like it when men can be soft like this.
• strong headed, focused with work and gym
• Shares his personal /family stories with me, we have reached a comfort level with being emotionally intimate at least in some aspects
• Makes time for us, sexual and nonsexual. He has almost never made excuses to avoid spending time together.
• We notice and remember each others likes and dislikes for the most part
• He has volunteered to do small things for me sometimes, like pick up new socks when I needed them and couldn't make it happen the previous day
• he has been super patient with me whenever he has actively not let his anger get the best of him
• Only guy in my dating history I've been as comfortable farting around🤓
• shares his protein with me. Brings me fruit snacks for the gym
• I love spending time with him. We have done upto 26 straight hours together, totally nonsexual, and never once been bored.
• We talk through fights incredibly well when mutually at peace but this is rare
• has gone out of his way to apologise when I tried ending the relationship after the last disappointment. ran to catch up to me down a subway and showed up at my doorstep to apologise for a misunderstanding (and to apologise for showing up at my doorstep like that). This is when I suggested a break to think things through.
• he has, since the break, admitted total responsibility for the cons to follow and says he really cares, and wants to change.
• I genuinely like this man

Cons:

• I can't trust him. He lies, repeated instances of shady behaviour with phone, texts etc. Phone always on silent and in pocket. Promised to change this, lasted 2 days before continuing on the same way. Has promised to change this again during our break but I have set lower expectations. He has deleted chats, which he says is out of habit.
• his doucheiest point here is this - he asked his friend to explicitly hide something he did from me (take a flight to a different city and put a story up for close friends on ig from there, which I'm not on) which I reasonably freaked out about when I found out about when looking at their chat once (more on this in a following point). I had a pregnancy scare (no judgement please) during this week, he only found out a few days after he had potentially left. I had a full fledged panic attack at this time. He didnt see me all week, instead lied to me saying he had covid. He did reassure me that he was there for me on video calls repeatedly but flat out refused to see me saying he was sick so couldn't. I have a feeling he actually did traveled to the other city but he denies that vehemently, saying he had lied to his friend instead because he had put up an older story from that city and wanted to avoid a fight between us. I still am not sure whether he traveled or not during this time.
• I have had two anxiety attacks and one panic attack in our time together.
• he RARELY, if ever, does what he says he's going to do. Follow-through rate is pretty shit.
• I don't always feel respected. He has humiliated me in public once or twice, unnecessarily gossipped about me to his friend in early stages which I somehow found out during an argument one night.
• I've become the person who looks at his phone. I've looked thrice, with his consent. Never in any prior relationship have I done this or felt the need to do this. I despise that I have developed trust issues that have led me here, I hate that I've become this person. I don't want to be this.
• naturally flirtatious and has trouble seeing his flirtatiousness for what it is, although has accepted and corrected behaviour with some resistance when pointed out
• Hes sketch about future marriage if or when (dying institution) although open to it if deeply in love
• I could get badly emotionally hurt again if he stays reckless with my boundaries
• he gets uncomfortable/ reactive to handling big emotions with me. Difficult with communication
• Hasnt taken time to read about my mental health diagnosis (complex trauma). Doesn't seem invested in trying to understand me deeper in this context
• he isn't as transparent yet as I'd like a partner to be
• sometimes it feels like he's 'exhibiting the idea of our relationship' for display
• he jams to Anu Malik unironically
• doesn't dive/ love the ocean, wherein I'm a mermaid
• he's much more social than I am, so gym dates have been constantly interrupted by people walking up to him and on one occasion him forgetting about me for a good 20 mins mid-workout to go spot some chick and listen to her work troubles. He cut her off completely following me telling him how I felt about it. He admitted she may have been flirting. His boundaries have been better since with female friendships, but there's still past baggage to be sorted out coming up now and then.
• had a previous affinity for drink+drugs though it is has not been an issue right now with us yet
• flexes in every mirror he sees🙄
• says he's up to work on things but little to no follow through
• he wants to try roids at some point. His body his choice frankly, but i don't like the idea at its core, also would be terrible for his health (he's not a fitness professional)
• slow to adopt agreed upon changes into practice
• stubborn
• hasn't actively taken the lead with planning date nights, opts for easy low investment dates often
• gross lifting ig account (toxic masculinity)(I refused to follow it)
• major anger issues. He lost a parent very young. Has broken a door in his anger once. Called me a bitch another time. Apologized both times quickly.
• not open minded to therapy, I've suggested
• some potentially toxic/narcy tendencies although he has apologized when he knows hes at fault
• can be super emotionally immature sometimes
• has never called me beautiful, instead says pretty hot, cute etc. Dilutes compliments with backhanded comments sometimes in the spirit of humor but I haven't enjoyed this
• he hasn't asked for my opinion on things yet
• he can be selfish sometimes
• he has some bouts of insecurity although I've never given him a reason to feel like that
• smokes, no desire to quit

CW for self imagine issues and childhood surgery Hi all,
​
When I was 6 (21 now) I got a very extreme jaw surgery. Remove the right side of my jawbone, most muscle tissue in that area, nerve endings, and other stuff but you get the point. However, since my surgery (and especially in recent years) every time I see my face in the mirror or a photo it reminds me of that surgery which was very traumatic. Quite frankly each time it feels like a punch in the gut, I could be having an otherwise great day then I look at it in the mirror and its all gone instantly (though at least part of this is from gender dysphoria as well). Its really tough and I worry that its going to negatively impact my chances of finder a partner though several friends have assured me its minor and they only see it when they look for it.
My question is, how do I move on from this in a way that ideally would reduce the trauma while also improving my self image, which is largely low anyway because of this as well as a variety of other reasons
Hope you all can be some help for me, apologies if this post is better for some other subreddit but idk what it would be
For context, this is about the shape I see it as (drooping mouth from lack of nerve control)

Recently I’ve really developed an immense obsession with my hair. I am not balding, I’ve had dermatologists, hair stylists, family confirm im not at all and think the notion of me balding is laughable, but all day I look in the mirror, measure my hairline, count my hair fall, record my head, it’s gotten so bad. I can’t stop thinking about it and even look at myself in the mirror with a full head of hair and almost see a bald person now. I struggle with self confidence and in an already depressing/scarce dating market for guys, all I have is my looks so if that goes I genuinely think I’ll die alone as that’s only how I’ve dated people (please don’t be mean, I know it’s a silly fear)
I know a proper psychiatrist meeting is in check here and proper care but I want to really know if anyone has any advice whatsoever, even if small, I can try to practice before all that’s set up (I’m very low on funds right now). How can I work toward not even thinking about it or at least not letting it control my every thought. I’m so new to actually acknowledging this as a problem that I don’t know the ways to manage this.

Male, 41, Central Ohio. 5'10, 215-225 lbs wt Varies. Non smoker. I've had depression, anxiety, arthritis, and hormone issues. Such as Low TSH, but normal Levels of T3, etc. I don't think that's related, as the Hairloss has been noticeable for 7 months on my head, maybe a little longer in the rest of my body. I'm on Testosterone replacement, have been for many years. I have never been concerned that hairloss was in my future. Every hairstylist/Barber I've EVER Had, would comment on how thick my hair was, how insanely quickly it grew, and how Thick and long my beard was. I've always had healthy looking hair, now it looks dead in a lot of places, with "stripes or lacerations" every few CM's on almost every strand of hair. Wasn't sure if that was from the mites or if something else could be causing this? I'm positive I still have mites, an Opthalmologist told me last week, he suspects DEMODEX mites, and I have had "Demodex frost" or what looks like it, tremendously bad in the past, and accumulation of mites in my eyelashes, however my dog also has the same tiny, essentially microscopic "dots" floating off of him 24/7, so we could have SarCoptic Mange AKA scabies mites between the two of us. I recently read that there are over 100 species of arthropods in the average household. I'm not against the idea of me having more than one but in my home from lack of housekeeping and self care, hygiene. I'm coming out of the "funk" now, literally and figuratively. I'm being treated dermatologically with clobetasol, 2 anti fungal shampoos, triamcinolone, and finasteride, in case this is MPB, being accelerated by mites. I've also had the most stressful year of my life, so "Telogen effluvium," does it present this way? What do you think this is?
My dog was Dx'd with mites, and I have been a few times in the last year. Treated with ivermectin and permethrin cream, 4 times I have no relief. My dog was treated once with a monthly version of ivermectin, no result. Is that what's causing my hair to stop growing, essentially all together? I used to have to get a haircut every 2 weeks or I would have a curly afro, it has been 4 months now and my hair has grown a half inch if that. Less, on the very top. Same with my beard, only I have huge thin spots in my chin area, from below my mouth to around my jaws, like the areas a strap on a football helmet would cover. I guess I have thin spots throughout my beard and my head. Thin spots around the chin, Is that rosacea, potentially caused by (demodex?) mites? They cause rosacea, according to the Opthalmologist. My chin area feels rough, and again has stopped growing, along with my whole Beard. My hairloss on my head is concentrated on the top, the front top, the rear top, the sides, especially my temples, above and around my ears, and the back of my head is kinda random. I have patchy hairloss almost like a shower head effect, choppiness, if that makes sense? My hairline is slightly receding like MPB would cause, but this all started and progressed very rapidly, coinciding with the mite symptoms. I've lost the majority of my pubic hair, my arm and leg hair as well, is very thin. I'm very distraught over this and if this is mites, is this permanent? What about stress? Permanent hairloss? I think I had a fungal infection at one point in The Fall. I saw what looked like hairs "gooped" together, with what looks an awful lot like puss, in videos I "accidentally" caught myself in, as I didn't look in the mirror, shower, or take a picture of myself for a month or two due to mental health issues. I'm not proud. I'm quite embarrassed that I walked around with my curly hair in puss filled knots, with patches of effing hair missing. Sorry for the long post, I'm extremely passionate and distraught over this whole situation. Not showering didn't help the mites go away any faster. I don't go months, but I will go 3 or 4 days between shower's, even still. I need inpatient treatment, but it's not possible ATM bc of my work, an aggressive Rottweiler, and schedule. Just saving you the time of telling me I need that, I definitely have insight on my condition. Thank you for any information and recommendations you may have for me.

I’ve been questioning my gender for the past 3.5 years and have been out as nonbinary with friends for quite a while and family and acquaintances just recently. Recently I’ve been questioning whether I’m a trans man. There’s a certain type of aesthetic in dudes that whenever I see them I get intense envy and whenever I see a man with his hot wife/gf I also feel jealous. For some more context, I’ve identified as a lesbian for the past almost 4 years. I’ve been experimenting with presenting more androdgenous/masculine and shopping in the men’s section and I feel a lot more confident.
As soon as I went through puberty, I hated my boobs and used to reminisce about being a kid that could run around and hang upside down with a flat chest. I recently bought a binder and am looking into getting top surgery. I love the feeling of compression over my chest and them not moving around. I was also extremely upset when I got my period. I went through puberty at the age of 10 so I always thought I felt like this bc I wasn’t socially ready but sometimes I think there may be more to it.
I also remember the very first time I was perceived sexually by a man and I felt so incredibly uncomfortable and wanted to crawl out of my skin. I’ve been noticing this a lot recently and feel really uncomfortable just existing around men.
I do relate to womanhood in the sense of the shared experience of misogyny and I really value the sense of understanding women have with eachother. I’m afraid of being seen as an outsider or a threat and losing that sense of community if I start to present more masculine. Idk if I’m just a lesbian, a masc leaning nonbinary person or a trans man.
I’ve been thinking about trying low dose testosterone although I don’t plan on starting anytime soon because I want to make sure it’s right for me. I have a lot of fear about not being able to recognize myself in the mirror if I do start T or being uncomfortable with the changes.
TLDR: questioning if I’m a trans man because of increased discomfort being perceived as a woman, social and physical dysphoria. I’m also afraid of not recognizing myself if I do start T and of losing the sense of community with other women. How do I know for sure?

CW for incest/cult behavioabuse
I just caught a look at the body in the mirror and the only thing that came to mind was "I shouldn't be alive right now." Not in the silly sewer slide way, just that the odds were so incredibly low for such a long time that being alive right now feels like a bad miracle.
We were born prematurely, subjected to father-daughter incest as well as seeing the impact of it happening to our little sister, we survived a double murder attempt, accidentally got involved with what I hesitate to describe as a cult but was much more sinister than just a theater group clique (they protected rapists in their circle + absorbed our adulthood abuser into it & made themselves the authority on ensuring consent laws were followed at major events, and if you had anything critical to say about the woman in charge of it, you were heavy ostracized), and now the body is 25 and all we have to show for it is a resumè that looks like a job fair for teenagers.
Objectively speaking things are okay now! We got diagnosed, we're functional(ish), after leaving our last job due to hEDS I have a better idea of what we can and cannot do (for example, we can't walk up a flight of stairs). We found an unthinkably large community of systems in our city, there's nearly thirty of us.
But on the flip side the end of the lease is creeping up. We have a wedding to go to soon and it's in another country. We don't travel well. We're broke as shit. We are surviving on protein shakes and veggies + rice, not out of food insecurity but because everything else has been repulsive for weeks. Sleep paralysis. Chronic nightmares - we only used to wake up screaming a couple instances between 2016-2018, now we do it every other night. I don't know how we aren't splitting left and right.
I want to think this is just a rough spot and that once we're working again, and have something to fill up our time with, it'll get better. We'll get a dog, have a nice apartment with people we get along with. We'll make it to our friend's wedding and see everybody we've missed for so long. We'll go volunteer at our favorite convention next year and then maybe move out of this hellhole country.
I wanna think that so badly but I'm so scared that this mess is the best it's gonna get.
-T

Following Donald Trump's narrow win over Ron DeSantis in the 2024 Republican primary, the election begins to mirror many of the same aspects of the 2020 race yet in the aftermath of former President Trump's election denial and the following January 6th riot, tentions reach a new high. Allong with this, voter dissatisfaction reached a new high itself.
Embattled by legal disputes Donald Trump spends a large part of the campaign in cout often making his campaign tours about his eledged mistreatment of by the justice system, rather than focusing on major issues that resonated with the majority of Americans, such as the economy, allowing many of Biden's more divisive actions to fly under the radar. While this strategies electrified Trump's base, it dose little to encourage democrats, moderates, and suburbanites.
Joe Biden for his part attempts to appeal to working class voters while continuing his previous campaign strategie of "upholding democracy" casting the Trump campaign as opposed to democratic principles.
On election Night Joe Biden takes home a solid victory, building a coalition of college educated whites, blacks, and suburbanites who filp Democratic in 2024. The Biden campaign celeibates, on the other hand Trump of course denies the legitimacy of the election. The subsequent occupations and protests at election centers by Trump supporters, as well as a varriety of low level officials holding up the certification process in Arizona, Wisconsin, and Georgia, holds up the certification of the elections for months On July 23, 2026 Kamala Harris is sworn in as President becoming the first female US. President following Biden's sudden forced resignation following greatly increasing questions about his health.
Biden: 323 electoral votes, 53.7% of the popular vote Trump: 215 electoral votes 44.9% of the popular vote
(2024 Electoral votes inspired by u/FourthEchelon19's "Collapse of MAGA" Post)
View Poll

Period: 1481.65 days

	Submissions	Comments
Total	1000	109593
Rate (per day)	0.67	73.32
Unique Redditors	782	25569
Combined Score	1446245	736930

Top Submitters' Top Submissions

1. 22515 points, 15 submissions: nnnndth
   
   1. How I turn case LED on/off (2667 points, 93 comments)
   2. Nothing perfect but maybe this GPU fan mod is. (2047 points, 119 comments)
   3. I have my own Noctua edition graphic cards (1554 points, 132 comments)
   4. One cable rules all. (actually two) (1525 points, 125 comments)
   5. Formula Loli1 Mini Itx Build (1520 points, 70 comments)
   6. Spent 3hrs making this mod. I think I'm obsessed by perfectionism. (1487 points, 120 comments)
   7. 5.1 L old build improved. Almost wireless. (1486 points, 96 comments)
   8. GPU Box (1484 points, 81 comments)
   9. Somebody calls this Fridge. Finally (all) black build. (1460 points, 71 comments)
   10. Watercooled Velka 5 with RTX 3070, first time custom loop. (1443 points, 95 comments)
2. 17572 points, 13 submissions: dan_cases
   
   1. Help me to convince Noctua to bring a dual C14s to live! (2929 points, 335 comments)
   2. DAN & LianLi A4-H2O - a 11.1l SFF case (1570 points, 410 comments)
   3. DAN B4-SFX - What do you think about this 12L tower style case? (1430 points, 292 comments)
   4. DAN Cases: C4-SFX - 14.7L will make it into production! (1426 points, 256 comments)
   5. Preview: C4-SFX with RTX 3090 & 280 AIO (1424 points, 116 comments)
   6. DAN Cases: C4-SFX is in production! (1315 points, 220 comments)
   7. DAN C4-SFX - Final Product Renderings 2022 (1198 points, 204 comments)
   8. C4-SFX - deshrouded GPU in sandwich & classic (1112 points, 86 comments)
   9. DAN/LIAN LI - A4-H2O Preview (1083 points, 134 comments)
   10. DAN Cases - C4-SFX new sample arrived today (1059 points, 216 comments)
3. 16897 points, 11 submissions: godbq
   
   1. Ultra-silent office PC with Intel Core i7 (3248 points, 172 comments)
   2. Ultra-compact office PC with AMD Ryzen 5 3400G volume 0.87L (1881 points, 131 comments)
   3. Ultra-compact SFFPC with Ryzen 5 4650G in the case of PSU be quiet! (1704 points, 73 comments)
   4. DeskMini X300: liquid, custom and 3D-printer (1670 points, 89 comments)
   5. Ultra-silent gaming PC with Intel Core i7 and GeForce GTX 1650 (1437 points, 92 comments)
   6. Project ultra-silent gaming PC "Monolith" with Intel Core i5-12400F (1318 points, 82 comments)
   7. My best++ custom project GEEEK A30 (1187 points, 56 comments)
   8. My best custom project GEEEK A30 (1182 points, 54 comments)
   9. My dream workplace (1152 points, 67 comments)
   10. When winter comes... (1088 points, 54 comments)
4. 15575 points, 8 submissions: 80ishplus
   
   1. Introducing Betty by 80ishplus (2754 points, 164 comments)
   2. Motif Monument. Worth every penny. (2462 points, 200 comments)
   3. Betty - Scratchbuild submission for Builds.GG SFFPC (2456 points, 140 comments)
   4. Patina by 80ishplus (2037 points, 174 comments)
   5. Windfall by 80ishplus. A custom loop Meshlicious build. (1712 points, 148 comments)
   6. Almagest by 80ishplus (1676 points, 66 comments)
   7. Not a Ghost S1 build. (1299 points, 132 comments)
   8. Introducing Sky Lantern by 80ishplus (1179 points, 68 comments)
5. 11127 points, 7 submissions: hereforthefeast
   
   1. Just finished my portable gaming rig, it only needs 2 cables (2980 points, 243 comments)
   2. I think I have a sffpc addiction (1725 points, 166 comments)
   3. It’s alive! Minimalist RGB power button (1501 points, 29 comments)
   4. 4.6L console killer (1404 points, 81 comments)
   5. This is why I love sffpc - only 2 cables total needed for this portable gaming station (1311 points, 146 comments)
   6. wHy DoN't yoU juSt GeT a gAmInG lApTOp? (1288 points, 138 comments)
   7. When everything fits just right (918 points, 59 comments)
6. 9666 points, 5 submissions: brolynitro
   
   1. Small smaller smallest. 8liter case (4431 points, 301 comments)
   2. 6L smallfootprint custom gaming pc (1790 points, 146 comments)
   3. Wood and acrylic 10l pc case. (1430 points, 91 comments)
   4. Finally finished my ghost s1. Cant do anything anymore to optimise it. (1079 points, 204 comments)
   5. 8.7 liter ghost s1 with 2 x 240mm rads and ryuo pump (936 points, 152 comments)
7. 9005 points, 5 submissions: msystems
   
   1. Ice Cream Sandwich [Deskmini + 5700g + L9A + A12 120mm] (2595 points, 128 comments)
   2. x300 DeskNano [1.16L] (2050 points, 119 comments)
   3. "Turbine" Asrock Deskmini (1.92L) (1850 points, 89 comments)
   4. DeskVader [Deskmini X300, AMD 5700g, RTX 3060ti - 3.5L] (1375 points, 66 comments)
   5. Deskmini: EXTREME edition (1135 points, 57 comments)
8. 8094 points, 6 submissions: melikewater
   
   1. Pretty content (2151 points, 147 comments)
   2. Hello I’m back. Hardline Ghost s1! (1757 points, 111 comments)
   3. Open air sff has never looked so good (1211 points, 48 comments)
   4. Watercooled Jonsplus i100 2x 360 rads with Custom Motherboard Armor. (1039 points, 74 comments)
   5. Cheap glass side panel for Ghost S1 (968 points, 38 comments)
   6. I love them tight gaps (968 points, 96 comments)
9. 7910 points, 3 submissions: bryins
   
   1. black on black on black (4511 points, 152 comments)
   2. cant go wrong with black or white (2138 points, 63 comments)
   3. air and water bender (1261 points, 55 comments)
10. 7526 points, 7 submissions: mattzzz199
    
    1. 600W Flex PSU with 80mm Fan (1350 points, 105 comments)
    2. Must, Go, Smaller! (1155 points, 76 comments)
    3. Flex PSU too noisy? I gotchu...[Video] (1108 points, 100 comments)
    4. Ultra Compact Wooden PC [Link in Comments] (1005 points, 87 comments)
    5. Wasp Nest - [Progress Update 5] (998 points, 69 comments)
    6. [Completed] Custom Wooden ITX Case (967 points, 85 comments)
    7. OMG! Finally! (943 points, 86 comments)
11. 7295 points, 4 submissions: colinreay
    
    1. 9L Infinity Mirror Case (2337 points, 63 comments)
    2. Progress On New 10L Case (2036 points, 98 comments)
    3. 10L, Airflow Focused Concept (1512 points, 113 comments)
    4. (Tasteful?) Tests with RGB (1410 points, 85 comments)
12. 7205 points, 2 submissions: CroyAlore
    
    1. Obsidian, a SFF pc built on a picture frame (3979 points, 91 comments)
    2. Here is the update of my Picture Frame build, with the frame mounted on a Monitor Mount. (3226 points, 107 comments)
13. 7197 points, 3 submissions: thewipprsnappr
    
    1. Here is my recent build project. A ratrod inspired, open air, custom loop, vintage radio sleeper. 5600x + 1080ti (3380 points, 89 comments)
    2. Just finished my newest sleeper project "The Sheep Counter 9000" (pcpp link in comments) (2254 points, 88 comments)
    3. Recently finished v2 of my vintage Sony radio hotrod build (1563 points, 70 comments)
14. 6662 points, 4 submissions: Maeiourk
    
    1. GF and I are about to attend a LAN party. (2224 points, 126 comments)
    2. I’ve gone full chimney in this build. (1731 points, 105 comments)
    3. Chimney Build 2.0 Midnight Edition (1476 points, 49 comments)
    4. LOUQE is going to have a liquidity sale starting tomorrow at 2PM EST. (1231 points, 268 comments)
15. 6379 points, 1 submission: wearetheused
    
    1. A 10" tablet fits nicely on the front panel on the NR200 (6379 points, 213 comments)
16. 6299 points, 2 submissions: -MadScientist_
    
    1. RTX 3090 + 5950X in 6 Liters. Custom Radiator. Ultra SFF (4110 points, 216 comments)
    2. RTX 3090 Ryzen 5950x - 6 liters (2189 points, 196 comments)
17. 6277 points, 5 submissions: Dpn0391
    
    1. Velka3 build (5600X, 2070mini) (1908 points, 66 comments)
    2. Formd T1 (v1.1) + 4090FE (1359 points, 208 comments)
    3. Formd T1 280 rad build (1085 points, 40 comments)
    4. X-Proto L + 4090FE (971 points, 60 comments)
    5. Formd T1 (v2) + 4090FE (954 points, 90 comments)
18. 5973 points, 5 submissions: revoccases
    
    1. probably the smallest GTX1650 you can get (1712 points, 72 comments)
    2. DSX1 build complete - XBOX Series X style DIY case for AsRock DeskMini (1162 points, 50 comments)
    3. I've also put a handle on it - introducing the first liquid cooled boombox sff pc (1096 points, 79 comments)
    4. RTX A2000 Full Copper Edition - Low Profile Single Slot Mod (1070 points, 108 comments)
    5. Fractal North was too big for my taste - so I made this custom SFF case (933 points, 50 comments)
19. 5797 points, 2 submissions: d1xt1r
    
    1. My current setup (3674 points, 208 comments)
    2. I present you the "I was too lazy to put the parts back in my NCase M1 after I clean it - open-air mini-ITX headphones stand case" (2123 points, 141 comments)
20. 5516 points, 3 submissions: xDeskinsxx
    
    1. Beat up my case a bit (2221 points, 87 comments)
    2. My CL4P-TP nr200 🤖 (2045 points, 106 comments)
    3. My Hyperion SFF with matching controller :) (1250 points, 85 comments)
21. 5477 points, 3 submissions: altapowderdog
    
    1. Custom 20L Build - Vid in Comments (3434 points, 89 comments)
    2. My 14L Wood and Leather Gaming/Media Build (1115 points, 40 comments)
    3. My Small Build (3D print files available) (928 points, 76 comments)
22. 5464 points, 2 submissions: wearebobNL
    
    1. Couldn't get the cases I was interested in so I built my own. WDYT? (4338 points, 205 comments)
    2. Another idea for a custom SFF case (1126 points, 120 comments)
23. 5438 points, 1 submission: jeremigio
    
    1. Cooler Master X USPS (5438 points, 201 comments)
24. 5248 points, 2 submissions: ZzLy__
    
    1. You can't just move parts to outside of the case and then not count them when measuring the size (3860 points, 258 comments)
    2. NUCs are pretty cool (1388 points, 153 comments)
25. 5209 points, 2 submissions: modsbybenq
    
    1. Talking about what is possible! New SFF case by Sinister Cases (2864 points, 183 comments)
    2. Taking it small with this one! (2345 points, 75 comments)
26. 5104 points, 4 submissions: PlaygroundPRB
    
    1. A cup of SFF (1488 points, 129 comments)
    2. Custom loop with a 7.7L Akkla A3 (1361 points, 52 comments)
    3. Ryzen 9 5900X + RTX 2060 K39 ITX case (1215 points, 72 comments)
    4. Geeek A30 V2 Cyberpunk (1040 points, 55 comments)
27. 4541 points, 3 submissions: Flying-T
    
    1. Moving an entire office with just one crate (2034 points, 132 comments)
    2. My 3D-printed case I showed off some time ago is finally finished! (1414 points, 59 comments)
    3. EK Water Blocks releases Quantum Momentum² ROG Strix Z690-I Gaming Monoblock (1093 points, 97 comments)
28. 4538 points, 3 submissions: SCYTHE_Chloe
    
    1. All black nr200 featuring Scythe Mugen 5 Black (1729 points, 65 comments)
    2. Scythe Big Shuriken 3 CPU cooler with Motif Monument (1458 points, 96 comments)
    3. Amazing rig featuring Scythe Shuriken 2 CPU cooler (1351 points, 78 comments)
29. 4537 points, 3 submissions: imjaeha
    
    1. Ghost S1 Custom Loop (Black + hard tubing) (1875 points, 122 comments)
    2. Formd t1 (All Black, 3080 tuf) (1444 points, 111 comments)
    3. Black + Bluetooth + Itx setup (1218 points, 70 comments)
30. 4320 points, 3 submissions: ghim7
    
    1. SSUPD Meshlicious with a Cable Management Tweak (Build video link in comments) (1672 points, 110 comments)
    2. I've seen some of you installed monitoring screen on your PC, so I made a tutorial video on how to do it, specifically on the NR200P (Video link in comments) (1476 points, 89 comments)
    3. Video Editing Build on the NR200P (1172 points, 143 comments)
31. 4296 points, 3 submissions: Lithofish
    
    1. Shy SFF... (1699 points, 111 comments)
    2. If there is space for a fan... (1350 points, 119 comments)
    3. Monitor arms... the best companion for any SFFPC (1247 points, 124 comments)
32. 4124 points, 4 submissions: sknight022
    
    1. My entry into the SFFPC meets builds.gg contest (1081 points, 87 comments)
    2. Much work to be done, but it's starting to look like something! (1056 points, 75 comments)
    3. Yet another SFF case concept https://imgur.com/a/5cYEH5c (1018 points, 137 comments)
    4. Updated SFF PC concept (969 points, 122 comments)
33. 4089 points, 2 submissions: neiru37
    
    1. I either looked cool or stupid doing all this at the airport lounge 😂 (2145 points, 277 comments)
    2. 5 liters of portable 4k gaming! Successfully crammed a Founders Edition 3070 ti, the fastest card I could find that would fit, into a sub 5L Velka 5 case. Just look at the size of this thing! Thermals and fan noise aren't that bad either with undervolt. (1944 points, 243 comments)
34. 4072 points, 2 submissions: drkmrk
    
    1. I stopped modifying my pc and started modding my shelf.. (2978 points, 111 comments)
    2. Listen up, y'all, 'cause this is it. (1094 points, 86 comments)
35. 4070 points, 1 submission: zero_cool_513
    
    1. I did it for the karma honestly (4070 points, 147 comments)
36. 4040 points, 2 submissions: makerunit
    
    1. I 3D Printed my own Mini ITX case 😅 (2819 points, 198 comments)
    2. THE CUBE - A custom 3D Printable ITX Case (Details in comment below) (1221 points, 63 comments)
37. 3991 points, 3 submissions: eatsleep123
    
    1. Ghost of Noctua EVGA × Noctua × Louqe (FTW3 in S1) (1715 points, 145 comments)
    2. [FormD T1] Team Midnight - Yet Another BBB (1229 points, 79 comments)
    3. [Sliger SV590] ML Duolith: 5950X Dual RTX 3090s 420mm Push + Pull (1047 points, 148 comments)
38. 3944 points, 2 submissions: NiceDepth
    
    1. project voron-01 3D printed case (2661 points, 215 comments)
    2. DIY 1000$ monitor stand (1283 points, 61 comments)
39. 3874 points, 2 submissions: eatingdata
    
    1. Ncat M1 (2670 points, 39 comments)
    2. Ncase M1 V6 done! (for now) (1204 points, 136 comments)
40. 3840 points, 3 submissions: themodman_
    
    1. 13.2L 3D Printed Case - Fully Customized! (1484 points, 96 comments)
    2. Hers & His builds. The light and the dark. Intel and AMD. (1247 points, 87 comments)
    3. I made my own single fan RTX 3070 graphics card (details in the comments) (1109 points, 123 comments)
41. 3839 points, 2 submissions: stand_up_g4m3r
    
    1. Another shot of my Mandalorian Sliger SM570 Build (2416 points, 152 comments)
    2. I made an AMD Quantum Project Replica! (1423 points, 54 comments)
42. 3811 points, 2 submissions: CrazyTechLab
    
    1. Blown away by NZXT’s effort with the H1. Deceptively small too. (1988 points, 212 comments)
    2. Phanteks announces the Evolv Shift XT expandable ITX case (1823 points, 214 comments)
43. 3751 points, 2 submissions: humanoiddoc
    
    1. Got wood. (2676 points, 64 comments)
    2. Battery Powered PN50 (1075 points, 68 comments)
44. 3665 points, 2 submissions: yoannw204
    
    1. holy shit it does not fit (2694 points, 113 comments)
    2. mini 'H1' (971 points, 40 comments)
45. 3609 points, 2 submissions: Minirig355
    
    1. Was told my H200i was too large for here. Let me present my custom designed, 3D Printed, Raspberry Pi H20i, it’s 0.03L (2336 points, 99 comments)
    2. 3D Printed SFFPC (1273 points, 82 comments)
46. 3549 points, 1 submission: B33rNuts
    
    1. This is why we make these! StayIng at a hotel. (3549 points, 249 comments)
47. 3499 points, 1 submission: Adef25
    
    1. I designed a custom 9.1L mini-itx case based off of the 1991 Quadra 700 (3499 points, 259 comments)
48. 3497 points, 2 submissions: liquidhaus
    
    1. Finally took a real photo of this thing (1959 points, 83 comments)
    2. Finally found a solution on cooling the Geeek A30 chassis (1538 points, 120 comments)
49. 3496 points, 3 submissions: frothyexe
    
    1. NR200P -> Meshlicious (1254 points, 118 comments)
    2. My First (SFF) Build In The NR200P (1146 points, 94 comments)
    3. Icy Meshlicious ❄️ (1096 points, 40 comments)
50. 3484 points, 1 submission: GrimUrsine
    
    1. My very first SFF build, finally done. (3484 points, 147 comments)

Top Commenters

1. dan_cases (5637 points, 510 comments)
2. hereforthefeast (3807 points, 376 comments)
3. nnnndth (3738 points, 412 comments)
4. r98farmer (3103 points, 143 comments)
5. LeonidasGFX (2585 points, 113 comments)
6. 80ishplus (2098 points, 450 comments)
7. wearebobNL (1744 points, 148 comments)
8. davidofmidnight (1650 points, 1 comment)
9. brolynitro (1626 points, 408 comments)
10. stand_up_g4m3r (1622 points, 157 comments)
11. stinkycat45 (1496 points, 55 comments)
12. petatoed (1443 points, 64 comments)
13. Maeiourk (1417 points, 97 comments)
14. -MadScientist_ (1388 points, 76 comments)
15. Skripka (1363 points, 54 comments)
16. OdinsPlayground (1339 points, 152 comments)
17. StretchyMonad (1334 points, 41 comments)
18. TheBrandonW (1285 points, 85 comments)
19. mattzzz199 (1172 points, 220 comments)
20. WinterCharm (1162 points, 131 comments)
21. msystems (1097 points, 52 comments)
22. themodman_ (1073 points, 76 comments)
23. M1AF (1061 points, 98 comments)
24. shakespears_ghost (1017 points, 12 comments)
25. henriquelicori (1017 points, 9 comments)
26. revoccases (1014 points, 77 comments)
27. Nugmast3r (1002 points, 21 comments)
28. _Versatile (998 points, 14 comments)
29. davidpk52 (993 points, 77 comments)
30. FartingBob (943 points, 94 comments)
31. godbq (942 points, 135 comments)
32. inertSpark (899 points, 61 comments)
33. Matteo_CoolerMaster (896 points, 48 comments)
34. Signaturisti (889 points, 205 comments)
35. TopBanana16 (854 points, 62 comments)
36. wearetheused (850 points, 28 comments)
37. B33rNuts (849 points, 67 comments)
38. ZzLy__ (841 points, 57 comments)
39. AETAaAS (832 points, 9 comments)
40. mrsuzukid (828 points, 74 comments)
41. ItsNa8o543 (828 points, 44 comments)
42. SheeBang_UniCron (822 points, 17 comments)
43. Flying-T (820 points, 43 comments)
44. Black_Phoenix_JP (819 points, 17 comments)
45. MahaloMerky (806 points, 35 comments)
46. sknight022 (801 points, 185 comments)
47. bruhhh_- (795 points, 87 comments)
48. Turlo101 (791 points, 22 comments)
49. asone_ (790 points, 4 comments)
50. neiru37 (788 points, 163 comments)

Top Submissions

1. A 10" tablet fits nicely on the front panel on the NR200 by wearetheused (6379 points, 213 comments)
2. Cooler Master X USPS by jeremigio (5438 points, 201 comments)
3. black on black on black by bryins (4511 points, 152 comments)
4. Small smaller smallest. 8liter case by brolynitro (4431 points, 301 comments)
5. Couldn't get the cases I was interested in so I built my own. WDYT? by wearebobNL (4338 points, 205 comments)
6. RTX 3090 + 5950X in 6 Liters. Custom Radiator. Ultra SFF by -MadScientist_ (4110 points, 216 comments)
7. I did it for the karma honestly by zero_cool_513 (4070 points, 147 comments)
8. Obsidian, a SFF pc built on a picture frame by CroyAlore (3979 points, 91 comments)
9. You can't just move parts to outside of the case and then not count them when measuring the size by ZzLy__ (3860 points, 258 comments)
10. My current setup by d1xt1r (3674 points, 208 comments)

Top Comments

1. 1650 points: davidofmidnight's comment in Pray for me brothers
2. 984 points: henriquelicori's comment in I think i can die in peace now
3. 831 points: deleted's comment in Is an Ncase M1 supposed to be like this out of the box?
4. 813 points: shakespears_ghost's comment in 4090 is almost comical in size connected to a itx
5. 780 points: toxygen001's comment in Who's going to be the first one trying a SFF build with the RTX 3090?
6. 684 points: asone_'s comment in Ncase M1 + RTX 3090 TUF
7. 669 points: fuentl's comment in The way Optimum Tech used double 90° rotary fittings to fit watercooling in his NZXT H1
8. 665 points: deleted's comment in Cooler Master X USPS
9. 650 points: deleted's comment in holy shit it does not fit
10. 592 points: aleksandarvacic's comment in 4090 FE is extremely thick. The amount of ITX cases being able to fit a 90 series cafd is even lower.

Generated with BBoe's Subreddit Stats

So I’ve always viewed myself as beautiful to the point of vanity at times. I would have bouts of low self esteem throughout high school but nothing that would last too long. I never dated until I was 21 and just assumed it was because of my body which looking back does scream low self esteem.
However, I’ve never considered myself insecure until now. I’m 22 and in my first real relationship. A couple weeks ago I found out my boyfriend was following and liking stuff from a couple Instagram models. What once would have not concerned me changed my entire outlook on myself. These girls looked nothing like me and if he really thought I was beautiful he’d look at women that looked like me not tall tan skinny blonde women (I am none of those things).
I became instantly insecure about my body and my overall looks. I find that I am now constantly negative in the way I speak about myself and can’t seem to look in the mirror without hating what I see. It has also affected my relationship because I no longer believe him when he complements me. I’ve never had problems with food or restrictive eating but I fear it may turn darker if I don’t fix my low self esteem now.
If anyone has any tips on how to relearn loving yourself I would appreciate it. Or even just how you got out of this rut that is self loathing. Thank you.

I have lived in LAR in the past and I want to share my experience and opinion to help students pick out where they want to live. In general, it's a very "okay" experience, there are good and bad points like every other dorm, but I was very happy to move out of it.
LAR is located east of the bottom-right corner of the Quad. It is behind Allen Hall, and so is next to the CRCE gym and the McKinley Health Center. The location is pretty nice, I can walk to the Union in like 12 minutes, to ISR in 10 and to PAR in less than 10. There is a bus stop behind LAR (in front of Allen) and in front of LAR, so getting around the campus is not too difficult.
The building is pretty old, which has the plus of looking cool from the outside, and a nice ballroom where there is often someone playing piano. It has the downsides of lacking air conditioner, which is mostly a problem during the first and last 3-4 weeks of the year, getting a box fan or borrowing one from the dorm if available is necessary. I have lived most of my life without AC, so it is pretty bearable for me, but the thick concrete and brick walls make it so heat stays inside. It also faces the problem of having an old heating system. It automatically turns on when it gets cold enough, and it sounds like something is crawling up the pipes when it starts. The heater works too well, and many times I've had to open the window during the winter while it runs, even with the vent always closed, as the heat emanates from the radiator.
The room size is pretty nice, I always had room for random things and food, and the beds can be lofted. A bed rail can be ordered and installed for free from the campus housing website. The mattress is pretty mediocre, there is a soft side and a firm side that is more "less soft" than firm. There is a lot of space for clothes in the two drawers, and space for additional furniture if needed. There's one half-mirror in the room attached to a closet door, and the closet is pretty spacious. A mini fridge and microwave can be rented from the dorm, but it's pretty easy to find a cheap one on Facebook or Craigslist. If you're picking a room, try to get one that doesn't face the backside, as the food delivery truck or the garbage truck comes in the morning and is super loud. Also, remember that the fire alarm will go off at some times during the year, and I suggest covering your ears or wearing headphones once it goes off as it echoes off the walls to become super loud in the rooms and hallways.
The bathrooms are shared on each wing (usually 2 male or 2 female hallways per wing) of a floor, and there is about 25 people on each wing. The cleanliness of the bathrooms depends on the people using them, personally I found them pretty gross as people leave hairs in the shower stalls or on the toilet seat pretty often, or don't wipe the toilet seat after themselves. Luckily housing cleans the bathrooms every day at around noon, however paper towels always seemed to run out at the end of each day. If there is a problem, notify maintenance and they are pretty quick to respond, usually in the same day or the day after.
The 2 laundry rooms in the basement have 5 machines, and usually one or two of them are out of order. There is a lot of dryers, but be sure to turn the dryer setting on low, as they run super hot for some reason. There's also a big sink if you want to hand wash your clothes. Also located in the basement is a music practice room and a study room.
The food at LAR is pretty hit or miss. There's no breakfast and the dining halls close an hour earlier than the others, but it also has a vegetarian/vegan dining hall. I found myself going to ISR or PAR pretty often during my second semester, as it was much better, and the meats don't have just a surface level of seasoning. The burgers and fries at LAR were pretty good though. The salad and yogurt bar is the same as PAR's, and the lines are a lot shorter. The close distance to PAR and ISR also make it easy to use your dining dollars at the stores.
I had a good experience with the people that lived there with me, there are also a lot of dorm events every month. I found myself out of my room a lot of the time busy with clubs or studying, so a lot of the downsides of the dorm weren't that impactful. Hearing someone play in the music practice room or the piano in the ballroom was always nice. The biggest part of your first year experience is always what you make out of it, and your room is mostly just a place for you to sleep or do work in, so as long as you make yourself active you'll have a good time living anywhere. If you have a problem, talk to your RA or the person directly to sort it out. If it's unsolvable, you're still able to switch rooms and buildings during the year.

Have you ever had the experience of swearing you saw something at the edge of your vision, peering at you from around a corner before? I’m fairly sure a good chunk of people have, maybe even you reading this right now. Regardless of whether you’re in a crowded area such as a mall or school, or home by yourself, you’ve more than likely had that strange sensation of being watched, usually accompanied by a slight shiver down your spine. You’ll snap your head up from whatever it is you’re doing, or whoever you’re talking to. And nothing will be there. But, you always swear that, at the very edge of your vision, you saw something. A slight blur, as if something was there, but seemed to anticipate your move, and pulled back out of sight. I’m fairly certain most of you just end up shaking it off. You shake your head, telling yourself that nothing was there, and go back to what you were doing.
That’s a good thing. Because it’s what keeps you safe. It’s what keeps you alive.
Like many of you, for years, I always wrote seeing the slight blur at the edge of my sight off as a trick of my eyes. “Being so focused on one particular area that the rest of your vision goes fuzzy” as my mother once told me when I, as a child, told her I’d seen something at the doorway to my bedroom. And as I grew older, I simply took it as fact, the way every child takes their parent’s wisdom to heart. And once I became an adult, I simply waved it away completely.
That was, until one night.
You see, as a thirty-something year old bachelor who makes just above the line of adequate pay, I live by myself in a small, one bedroom apartment. It means having to live farther out from the city where I work, but I prefer living alone over not having to make the rather long drive to and from work every day. And, because my free time during the day is close to zero, I also am a bit of a night owl. This particular night, about three and a half weeks ago, I was up late, sitting at my kitchen table with my laptop out in front of me. I was surfing the net, looking for good deals on EBay for a new DVD/VCR combo since my old one broke, when the feeling came over me. The small, but noticeable shiver shot up my spine, and at the upper edge of my vision, just below where my hair began to drift into my eyes, I saw it.
It was a black and silver blur. At least, that’s what it looked like to me. I lifted my head quickly, looking towards the corner I’d seen it. My kitchen is in the back of the apartment, and where the table is set up, I was looking back out into the living room. The bedroom also sits next to the kitchen, and the wall separating the two stretches out a bit, causing a rather large blind spot from where I sat. Of course, when I looked up, there was nothing there. For a few more seconds, I simply sat, staring at the corner. Nothing moved. There was no sound except for the quiet whine of my laptop’s fan, and the hum of the fridge. I snorted. Really, Eddie? You’re jumping at shadowy blurs now? What are you, eight years old again? And with a shake of my head, I went back to the computer screen.
The hours seemed to pass by at an accelerated pace, and to my surprise, when I checked the clock at the bottom right of my laptop screen, the time said quarter to three in the morning. “Holy crap, I stayed up too friggin’ late!” I whispered to myself. I’d barely be getting four or five hours of sleep. And so, with a yawn, I shut my computer down and put it back into its carrying bag. As I stood up, though, a slight feeling of apprehension wiggled its way to the forefront of my mind. I lifted my head from zipping up the bag and again stared at the corner. This time there was nothing there. No blur at all. Recalling what my mother had told me years ago, I stood up and slowly stepped into the center of the kitchen, where I could see around the corner. I felt a small pang of embarrassment at the relief that washed over me as I saw nothing was there.
“What next, you gonna start believing in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus again?” I muttered to myself. And with that, I entered my bedroom, shutting the door behind me and climbing into bed. For a moment, the image of the blur danced behind my eyelids. And then the sandman overtook me, plunging me into a deep and dreamless sleep.
The next day passed by like I was wading through quicksand. Of course, it likely had to do with how tired I was. But I got through the day, and soon enough, I was back home. This time, I resolved to get to bed before midnight. One AM at the latest. So I didn’t go on my computer. Instead, I watched some TV, and indulged myself in a few online matches in Battlefield 1. Soon enough, the clock sitting next to the TV displayed 12:35 in big red numbers. Alright, time for bed, I thought, and stood up, shutting off the TV and Xbox. I decided that I would get myself a drink before bed, and moved to the fridge. Opening it, I pulled a pitcher of juice out, and grabbing a glass from a nearby cabinet, poured myself some. The cold liquid felt good sliding down my throat, and I let out a relieved sigh. For a moment, I closed my eyes. Apart from the sound of a diesel truck passing by outside, and the ticking of the clock over the sink, all was silent. And I loved it. I placed the glass in the sink to wash tomorrow, and turned to take the pitcher back to the fridge.
And nearly dropped it at what I saw. As I turned around, I had a clear view across the kitchen and living room toward the small alcove where my front door sat. And for just a second, I saw the same black and silver blur, pulling back out of sight from the edge of my vision. Except this time, I know it wasn’t just a trick of my vision, or a strand of hair flashing in front of my face. “Hey!” I reflexively yelled out. I didn’t expect any response, and I didn’t get any. But now I knew for certain. There was something, or someone there. I felt my pulse rapidly quicken, and my heart began to beat like a drum against my chest. Fucking great, did someone decide to break in and try to burgle my apartment, of all places tonight? I looked around quickly for something to defend myself. My eyes fell upon the block holding all my kitchen knives, and moving quickly, I pulled the largest one out and turned back towards the entryway.
There was no movement now, but I noticed a change in the atmosphere. Gone was the simple, vacant air the apartment always held. Now, it seemed to contain a charge to it. As if seeing the figure had been something they hadn’t planned on. As if I weren’t supposed to have seen it. Probably figured I’d already be in bed. Well, they have a massive surprise coming their way. I cleared my throat. “You back there” I called out simply. Again, there was no reply. I spoke again. “Look, I saw you there peeking around the corner of the entryway. The jig is up. I don’t want a fight right now, so, I’ll make you a deal. If you turn around right now and leave, I won’t call the cops on you, and I won’t come at you with this knife. Just, go find someone else to rob, okay?”
Still, there was silence. But the tension in the room seemed to have racked up more than a few notches at my words. I waited for a minute, feeling my temper begin to flare. Does the dumbass seriously believe that if he stays quiet, I’ll believe he’s not there and go to bed or something? It wouldn’t be a surprise; the people who usually broke into houses and apartments in my neighborhood were usually strung out on the drug of choice for the week, or, in all truthfulness, simply not that bright. I let out an annoyed growl. “If I have to come over there to get, it’s not gonna end well for you” I said. At six feet even, and in good shape, I could easily take on whoever it was.
The silence was almost deafening. Okay, the hell with this, man. I strode quickly across the room, the knife held out in front of me in a vice like grip. I stopped for a moment, drawing in all my strength and reflexes. For a moment, though, an odd sensation seemed to wash over me like a wave. To my surprise, it was a bolt of fear. But, fear of what? Yes, it was a bit dangerous to about to confront a cornered intruder, but fear shouldn’t be one of the experienced emotions. Shaking it away, I put all the muscle into my legs, and leapt around the corner.
There was nobody there.
For a moment, I simply stood there, feeling dumbfounded. “Uhhh….what?” I blurted out. I knew for a fact I’d seen someone there. It hadn’t been a trick of my eyes. And I hadn’t heard the front door open. In fact, looking down at it now, I saw the little knob on the door handle was, in fact, twisted into the locked position. As I stared down at it, a sudden, huge shiver rushed up my spine, combined with the feeling of being stared at intensely. In fact, it almost felt as though whoever were doing the staring, were almost directly behind me-shit!
On instinct, I whirled around, slashing out with the knife as hard as I could. But again, there was nothing. No one stood behind me. The oddest thing, though, was that as soon as I spun around, the feeling of eyes boring into the back of my skull ceased. As if the watcher had simply blinked out of existence the moment I turned. But the tension in the apartment didn’t go away. In fact, it almost seemed to intensify. And it kept me on edge. Enough to the point that I searched the entire apartment. I went into the bathroom, drawing back the shower curtain. I went into my bedroom and opened up the sliding doors to the closet. I even opened up both closets in the living room, pulling out all the coats and boxes someone could hide behind. But I found nothing. No trace of anybody. Even still, though, when I went to bed, I locked the door to my bedroom behind me, just in case. And I slept with the knife on my bedside table.
The next morning, when I awoke, the feeling had vanished from the apartment. It was almost as if the daylight had banished the tension filled aura away, and I was glad for it. Along with the fact that I had a full day of work ahead of me. And so, with a final look around, I locked the front door behind me, climbed into my old, but well taken care of Mitsubishi Starion, and made the two and a half hour drive into the city for work. The day passed by without much fuss, aside from a mandatory team meeting my dickhead boss decided to impose on us during our lunch break. The monotony calmed me down somewhat, and I began to mentally tease myself for how bent out of shape I’d gotten last night. I even decided to tell some of the guys at the water cooler about it.
Everyone, of course, had a good laugh over it. “Well, Ed, if I ever need someone to slice away at the dark emptiness of my house, I’ll be sure to give you a call!” Mark, one of my coworkers joked, causing everyone, including myself, to guffaw some more. The joking shoved it completely out of my mind, and before I knew it, the evening had arrived. I packed up my belongings back into the car and made the journey back home, still chuckling a bit to myself and humming along to the songs playing on the car’s radio. As I pulled into my apartment building’s parking lot and into my space at close to ten at night, however, I saw something which tore away that relaxed, relieved emotion from me like it’d been a loved one in the grip of a tsunami.
My complex is set up in a U formation with two floors, sort of similar to how an older built motel looks. My apartment was the second one on the top floor, and from where I sat in my car, I could look up and see the living room window of my place between the slats of the walkway’s railing. As I always did, when I left, I’d twisted shut the white venetian blinds so nobody walking past the window could look into my place.
Someone was peering down at me from between the blinds. From between my blinds.
I felt my blood turn to ice as I saw the obvious parting in the middle of them, signifying someone was pulling down on a section of them. And then doubly so when they, just as quickly, snapped back into position. Shitttt, I mentally hissed. I fumbled around in my coat pockets, looking for my cell phone. I let out a groan as I suddenly realized I’d forgotten it when I’d left home that morning. Which meant it was up there. With them. “Shit” I hissed again, out loud this time. I gazed around for a moment at the darkened windows of the other units. But I knew none of my neighbors would be of any help to me. Long gone were the days of neighbors looking out for each other; they would, inevitably, tell me to either find a way to call the cops myself, or straight up tell me to go fuck myself, that it wasn’t their problem. Which, unless I wanted to drive straight to my local police station, over twenty minutes away, the only other option was…to go in myself.
Hissing through gritted teeth, I pulled the door handle and kicked the door open, letting the chilly night air flood into the car’s interior. I reached down and yanked on the trunk release before climbing out and slamming the door. Crossing to it, I pulled the glass hatch up and fumbled around inside for a moment, before withdrawing a tire iron from the mess of crap cluttering up the trunk. Slamming the hatch closed, I took a deep breath, then, leaving my car’s engine running in case I needed to make a quick getaway, I took the stairs to the top floor two at a time. A moment later, I was standing at the head of the landing, staring at the Tweety-Bird yellow painted door of my apartment. My heart pounded in my chest as I took a step forward, reaching out slowly and gripping the handle in one hand. I gave it a small twist to see if it would turn.
But it stayed in place, showing that the door was still locked. Or, whoever’s in there locked it behind them. Swallowing a bit, I reached into my pants pocket for my house keys with my free hand. Pulling them out, I slid them as quietly as possible into the lock in the center of the doorknob. I took a deep breath, knowing as soon as I twisted the key, the doorknob would turn with it as well. “God, please don’t let me get jumped as soon as I step inside” I quietly whispered towards the dark sky. I let out the deep breath, then raised the tire iron over my head and twisted the key.
The knob turned, and I immediately pushed the door open. It swung inwards, before hitting the wall with a soft clunk. The porch light cast a long, narrow shaft of light into the dark room beyond, reflecting off my flat screen TV on the far side of the living room. Aside from that, though, the place was as dark and silent as a tomb. My pulse quickened as I slowly reached inside, my hand searching for the light switch. Part of my feared that, as I blindly searched, I’d suddenly feel a vice like grip seize my wrist and pull me into the dark. The mental image sent a shiver of fear through me, just as my fingers found the plastic switch. Flicking it on, the living room suddenly became awash in the bright overhead light. Still holding the tire iron over my head, I took a tentative step inside. The atmosphere in here had changed again. Gone was the tense one which had accompanied seeing…whoever the other night. In its place was….an almost threatening one. And realizing it set me even farther on edge.
Moving quickly, I leaned around the corner, giving me a glimpse of the kitchen beyond. Both it, and the living room were empty, from initial appearances, anyways. But that still left the bathroom, and the kitchen. Something caught my eye, however, which filled me with relief. My cell phone still sat where I’d left it, in the middle of the living room coffee table. I moved slowly, trying to stay as quiet as possible so whoever was hidden wouldn’t realize I was going for my phone and bum rush me. I held my breath as I passed by the half open doors of both my bathroom and bedroom, stepping around the couch and picking up my phone. I decided right there and then, that I’d step back outside and call the cops. There was a fine line between being courageous, and being suicidally stupid, and searching this place on my own, with just a tire iron to defend myself, especially knowing someone was hiding somewhere in here, was firmly on the latter side of that line.
I turned to begin walking quickly back to the open front door. But something stopped me. Something which made me freeze. There was a small section of eggshell white wall between the door to one of my closets, and the bathroom door. Something had been written there. No, not written, I realized. It had been scratched into the wall. My eyes flashed over the three words etched into the paint and plaster. Videre nos potest. My head swam with confusion, trying to place what language it was. That was when I felt my heart almost stop in my chest, my breath along with it.
Out of the left corner of my vision, I saw the door to my bedroom had slowly, but noticeably swung open a bit. That wasn’t what had caused my heart to skip a beat, though. It was seeing the black and silver blur again. Ohhhhh, shit. Before the thought had finished in my head, I was dashing for the door. Out of the corner of my vision, there was a sudden blur of movement as the black and silver figure came flying out of the room. It never made a sound, though. I dodged it, somehow, and flew around the corner, snatching the doorknob in my free hand and yanking the door shut behind me. Twisting the keys to the right to lock the door again, I tore them from the lock and thundered back down the stairs, yanking the door to my car open and crashing into the driver’s seat. Slamming the door shut and locking it, I dropped the tire iron and fumbled with my phone.
As the voice of the emergency dispatcher came on the other end of the line, and I stumbled through explaining what had happened, I kept my gaze locked through the windshield on the front door and the living room window. I swear I saw the blinds part again as I heard the wail of the police sirens approaching.
When the police arrived, I jumped out of my car and quickly explained what had happened. They took my house keys from me and with their pistols drawn, climbed quickly up the steps to my place. With neighbors opening their doors and parting their blinds to see what was happening, they unlocked the door and quickly entered. A few minutes later, they both reappeared and waved for me to come up and join them. “I’m sorry sir, but whoever it was, they’re gone” one of them said to me. He then showed me that the window in the back of the apartment, which was in the back of the kitchen and opened out onto a main road, had been opened, the mosquito screen having been cut to allow someone to jump out. I stared out and down at the two story drop. It would hurt to jump from this height, but it’s doable, I thought. The cops again did a sweep of the apartment, turning the entire place upside down with me there, and again, found no one. They both promised to stay the night outside, to keep an eye on the place in case the person attempted to try and come back, and would make sure an officer was posted outside for the next week or so. It made me feel more than a bit better.
“What about the writing scratched into the wall?” I asked them, pointing to it. The first officer shrugged. “I honestly don’t know, sir” he said, giving me an apologetic look, “That’s a language I’ve never seen before” That’s when the second spoke up. “It’s Latin” he said simply. We both looked at him. He was staring at the writing with a bit of a confused, if not apprehensive look on his face. “But what freaking low level criminal knows Latin?” he murmured quietly, more to himself than us. “Well, what does it say?” I asked him. For a few seconds, he didn’t answer, then he finally turned and looked at me.
“He can see us. That’s, roughly, what it says”
I felt a massive chill shoot up my spine at his words, though I couldn’t understand why. Not at the time.
As promised, the officers watched over the apartment the rest of the night. And for the next week, there was always at least one cop car sitting outside. It was also, thankfully, quiet that next week. I was almost able to feel completely calm, putting the frightening experience out of my mind and allowing my life to regain a bit of normalcy. I didn’t feel any sensation of being watched. One thing I did do, though, was type the Latin words into Google, in an attempt to see if anything came up. But nothing did. I decided to push the last remnants out of my conscious mind. And as the weekend came, I looked forward to sitting on the couch, playing video games all night, and having a bottle of Hypnotiq to myself. Saturday night, I played until almost one in the morning, before stumbling my drunk ass to the bed. I passed out almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.
I’m honestly not sure what woke me up. But when I slid my eyes open, it was still to darkness. I felt my head begin to spin, showing that I wasn’t fully sober yet. I shot a look at the bright red glowing numbers of the clock on the bedside table next to my head. 3:30AM. Ugh, what the hell? Do I have to piss? What woke me u-
Everything stopped. My mind froze mid-thought, and my heart fluttered in my chest. My breath hitched in my chest as my eyes adjusted to the dark, staring across the room. I was looking at my bedroom closet, which, when I’d fallen asleep, I’d looked over and seen it closed. But now, as I stared, I realized the sliding right door had been pulled back some. A chill ran through me. And then it was replaced by a bone chilling shiver of fear as my eyes locked on to something else. Something which stared at me from around the edge of the half open closet door.
It was the black and silver blur. Except this time, it wasn’t a full on blur. I’m not sure whether it was the darkness or the alcohol still flowing through my veins, but…I could see it a bit more clearly now. I couldn’t see much. Just what looked like two large, very dark eyes, glaring at me. I felt frozen in place, fear quite literally paralyzing me to the bed. As I lay there, my eyes widened to the size of saucers, I slowly became aware of something else. Something which I’ll never forget, which I can still hear in the silence. It was whispering. It was a soft, hissing voice, sounding as grating as sandpaper, but it almost seemed to be growing in intensity. As if it knew I was awake and was staring at it. And it was not even remotely happy about it. The words were indistinguishable at first, but as the voice grew louder, the words became clear. But they weren’t words I knew. Or a language I knew.
“Tolle qui nos videre potest. Tolle qui nos videre potest. Tolle…qui nos videre potest!” I recognized some of the words as the same as the words written on my wall. It was speaking in Latin. The voice grew angrier and angrier, turning from a hiss into almost a demonic growl. And then, it went deadly silent. It almost seemed as though the entire world had gone dead silent, as if everything were being sucked out of the world.
That’s when I saw the hand reach up from underneath the bed to grab onto the sheets, less than a foot from my face. A hand which more resembled a claw, tipped with five razor sharp fingernails. There’s more than one….and it’s under my fucking bed!
Seeing that hand…that claw reaching up from under the bed broke the paralyzing hold that had come over me. I flew up in bed, flinging the sheets up and forwards and letting out an involuntary scream. Instantly, there seemed to be a world of motion in the bedroom. Black and silver blurs seemed to appear from everywhere. From the closet, from under the bed. Even from inside my armoire I used to store candy, books and CDs. And they were all coming for me.
But I was already moving, practically flying for my open bedroom door. Behind me, I caught the blurs following after me. They were terrifyingly fast, but they stayed silent. Silent, that is, except for the mantra they all suddenly began to angrily whisper. The same words I’d heard the one in the closet angrily hiss. “Tolle qui nos videre potest!” they chanted, just loud enough for me to hear. But not enough for anyone else in the complex to. I ran through the bedroom door, grabbing it and slamming it shut behind me. A moment later, I felt the push from the other side as whatever the things were attempted to force it open. Looking around, I spied a kitchen chair within reach and grabbed it, forcing it under the handle to block the door.
I knew it wouldn’t hold for long, though. I could hear the creatures practically throwing themselves at the door. I used the time I had to grab my computer bag, along with the clothes I’d left strewn on my living room floor and my cell phone. I’d just snatched my car keys from their hook, when I realized they’d gone silent. The assault on the door stopped. For a split second, I felt a wave of relief. And then I saw something out of the corner of my eye from the kitchen. My blood turned to ice as I realized the cabinet doors under the sink were beginning to open. And that demonic growl of a mantra was beginning to pour out from under it. So was my bathroom door. And both closets. “Oh, fuck me” I whimpered, then dashed for my door, snatching up my sneakers as they rushed out from their new hidey holes.
I unlocked and threw the door open, dashing out into the night and yanking it shut behind me. Bolting down the steps, I jammed the key into the door of my car and unlocked it. I piled into the driver’s seat and yanked the door shut, slamming down on the lock button. Forcing the key into the ignition and twisting it, the engine roared to life. I knew I should simply call the cops, but I knew at this point, if I did, when they arrived, they’d all have disappeared. Maybe even make it look like another person had jumped out the window again They're THAT smart. Instead, I jammed the shifter into reverse and peeled out of the parking lot. As I left, I saw the blinds part again. As they watched me go.
I haven’t been back to my apartment in weeks. I drove all through the night, fighting back the waves of nausea from the alcohol still in my system until I made it to the city where I work. I rented a motel room, and ever since then, I’ve been staying there. I figured I could just eventually have movers go and collect my things from the apartment, and give my thirty day notice. There was no way I was ever going back there.
I thought I would be safe in the city. I thought I would be safe anywhere else but my apartment. That they were bound to the place.
I was wrong. So very wrong.
Because I’ve started seeing them everywhere now. I’ve seen them while out in crowded places such as the mall or Wal-Mart. I’ve seen them in my coworker’s houses when I’m invited over by them as they tell me they’re concerned about how I’m beginning to act. I’m even seeing them at work. Peering at me from around the corners of hallways, from behind the water cooler. I’ve even caught them glaring at me from around the corner of my office cubicle. They whisper that horrible Latin mantra to themselves, now added with evil chuckles. And whisper it to me. I ended up entering the phrase into Google Translate, to understand what they were saying. But wish I never had. Because knowing meaning of the words fills me with an existential dread and terror I’ve never felt before.
Take away he who can see us
You need to listen to me now. You, reading this account I’m posting. I don’t know what these creatures are. I wish I did, because then, I might have some way of fighting back against them. I don’t even know what they fully look like. I’ve only seen their eyes. And their clawed hands. The only thing I can deduce, is that they are incalculably old. Centuries old. Maybe even eons. I now understand that those blurs I saw all throughout my life, from the corner of my vision, were them. They’ve lived alongside us for all of humanity’s existence, staying just out of sight. They like it that way. They don’t like us humans knowing about them.
But I know others, not just myself, have likely seen them.
How many strange cases of people disappearing in their homes, with all the doors and windows locked from the inside have you heard about. I know I’ve heard more than a few. And I think I know what happened to them. They saw these creatures. And when they realized the people could see them? They came for them. They wore them down, mentally and physically. Like they’re doing to me now. I’m afraid to fall asleep. Afraid I’ll wake up to see them right in front of me. I feel so weak now. I couldn’t fight them off if I tried. They know that. They knew that about the others. And that’s when they dragged them away….to God only knows where.
I know I'm going to find out soon enough.
Because all of today, they’ve been getting closer. I caught one trying to grab my leg under my desk. That wasn’t the scariest encounter I’ve had. The worst was driving back to the motel. Looking in the rear view mirror of my Starion. And seeing one of them glaring at me from just behind the rear seat. It caused me to nearly crash into a telephone pole. I’ve locked myself in my motel room, which is where I’m writing this. I don’t have much time left. They’re beginning to poke their heads out from everywhere in here. Multiple have popped their heads up from under the bed, watching me frantically typing this out on my laptop. And they’re all laughing at me. Today is when they're going to take me. They know I know that. I can’t do anything more now. I can’t run from them anymore. I’m too tired. Too weak.
But I can do one final thing. I can warn you. I can post this account here as a warning. I know for a fact most of you won’t believe me. And that’s fine. It may even be what saves you in the end.
But please, listen to me when I say this. If you ever think you see something peering at you from around a corner? If you ever catch a glimpse of a black and silver blur disappearing just out of sight? Don’t investigate it. Just ignore it. Tell yourself it’s nothing, and go about with your lives.
Because you don’t ever want them to realize you can see them.