2pm- talkative , happy, caring, feeling connected to everyone, things feel softer and want a hug very badly
3pm- minor visual effects, grass is rainbow, dandelions look crystal like, colors become intensified
4pm- add 200mg of dxm like a idiot feel like my hand is not mine and I’m a ghost, go on my couch and stare at the roku screen it feels very mystical and exciting to me
5pm- I feel out of it but still caring but more detached, floor looks upside down and floor is wavy, talkative, can talk with vulnerability with no shame, urge to dance
6pm- feeling disjointed, hard to organize thoughts into words, strong robo-walk
7pm- LSD kicks? and I start hallucinating the walls breathing and twisting I was fascinated by this
8pm- continued doing that as seen in the 7pm entry
9pm- laying on my floor because think it’s soft, talking to who hallucinations, smoked a phantom cigarette.
10pm-feel like I’m in a video game as the visual are video game like, feel like I’m a emoticon and that I’m living in a video game. When I type the letter fly into my face, I feel very positive about everything and then I go to lay down and pass out at some point

Honestly I've given up a lot of my goals these past few years both transition related and not, but one transition related goal I've always had has been to be able to wear a swimsuit and look good in one. It would be a giant middle finger to all the dysphoria I've had and all the struggle I've been through to get there. I've always been so jealous of those people who can wear them, and I want my turn.
However, now it seems like I should really just give it up. I don't think it'll be achievable for me. At the same time though, I don't want to give it up. If I do, then I truly have nothing to look forward to anymore. I will literally have no aspirations for the future. The question is, is that worse than continuing to believe my goal is actually achievable and hurting myself when I fail to achieve it?
The main reason I don't think it's attainable is that I keep failing to lose weight. In fact, I keep putting it on. Year after year I finally decided this is going to be the time I lose weight, and then after two weeks or so I crack. There's so much pressure from everything going on in my life. And honestly this time was no different. I've had so many different emotions going on at once I cracked and turned to food for comfort. It's pretty much the only source of comfort I have. I can't rely on friends, family, or anything or anyone else. There is no one else and there is nothing else. But food is as comforting as it is disgusting.
I'm really pushing it recently. I'm getting closer and closer to the 300 lb mark and honestly I feel so disgusting. I keep looking worse. And ik people already think I'm repulsive. I can't wear what I want without getting degraded for it, in this physical state at least. That's why I want to get to a place where people can't say that without being full of shit. But I have consistently proven I can't do it. Years of attempts all ending in failure and I just keep getting worse and worse.
Basically, at this rate there's no way I can get to my goal with the way things are going. I'm just scared to admit it to myself because then I really do have nothing. And Ik everyone else already thinks that, but I can't accept that yet. I just can't, even though it would be denying reality if true.
Ik I've been spamming this subreddit the past few days, and I'm sorry about that, but I honestly have gotten addicted to the prospect of people reading about my struggles and actually caring.

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PIS committed suicide today and the information was confirmed by Haitao, a Chinese Dota commentator.
PIS was my hero since I started playing DotA when I was 17. His Shadow Fiend is the reason I started playing Mid.
He posted his suicide notes in Weibo and I translated them. However the images are highly compressed and I can't use image to text convertor. I have to type every single character down and translate them. I was bursted into tears when I was doing so. Please if anyone had suicidal thought, go and seek immediate help.
Australia (Beyond Blue): 1300 22 4636 (Lifeline Australia): 13 11 14
US (National Suicidal prevention lifeline): 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
​
https://preview.redd.it/n9sgf86pcr2b1.png?width=948&format=png&auto=webp&s=6568dcfeee22fff60834e0c1977214f401cd47b7
Here is the translated notes:
In the main post:
This is a scheduled Weibo post. After all these years, I still can't let go of the hatred in my heart. I can't find reconciliation within myself either. I know I have wronged many people. It's all because of me, the beginning and the end. Let it end.
In the images:
I was born in a small city in Hebei in 1997, in a residential compound belonging to a typical working-class family. My father is a retired soldier who transitioned to work in China Railway (中铁), and our family settled here. My mother, originally from Hubei, came here with my sister and got married to my father through a mutual introduction. Both of them had previous failed marriages, and this one was also destined to fail. However, I was born in the second year of their marriage.
As far as I can remember, during my childhood, I mostly lived with my mother. Due to my father's work on construction sites, he was often away for long periods. This resulted in very little time spent with my father during my childhood and adolescence. Additionally, my father was introverted, had a peculiar temper, and didn't talk much with me. We would only meet once a year or sometimes every two years, so when I was very young, I kept asking my mother when my father would come back. I longed for my father's presence, but I hardly received any fatherly love or feedback.
Living in this residential compound with many children, one would expect my childhood playtime to be joyful. However, for me, it was all nightmares and pain. I distinctly remember how the adults in the compound looked at me differently when I was very young. Many parents didn't allow their children to play with me. Initially, I thought it was because our family had a poor financial condition or maybe I was a bit mischievous. It was later when I grew up that I found out the real reasons, which I will explain later. Despite the challenges, I eventually managed to integrate into the circle of children my age. Although I still faced bullying, it didn't bother me much. The most painful experiences were being bullied by the older kids, who were probably already in junior high school when I was still in kindergarten. One summer, I vividly remember coming out of my house, eating strawberries, and being noticed by the older kids. They lured me to the former staff building with their toy guns, saying they wanted me to play with them. Once there, they held me down and forced me to drink their urine while prying my mouth open. I ran back home crying and vomiting. Another time, three or four people cornered me in a corner of the compound and made me perform oral sex on them. I resisted that time and my cries attracted adults, so they let me go. Later, as I grew up, I realized that I was not the only one who was being bullied at that time. There was also a girl my age who went through unimaginable things. Moreover, many of these older kids were children of China Railway executives, born into powerful and influential families. But they were truly like beasts. I will never forget these memories.
As time passed, it was time for me to go to primary school. Due to my poor comprehension ability compared to children of the same age and my lack of concentration as a child (possibly due to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), my first-grade exam results were very poor. I only remember having Chinese and mathematics as the earliest subjects. While many children achieved excellent scores, I barely passed in one subject and failed in another. When I returned home, I was scolded and beaten. That was the first time I started resisting learning from the bottom of my heart. I said I didn't understand... I hadn't learned... My mother believed that I wasn't paying attention in class. My parents themselves had a low level of education, especially my mother, who couldn't help me with my studies. Later, they spent money on tutoring, and my grades improved slightly in second and third grade..
In grades four, five, and six, there were changes in the homeroom teacher. During this time, some kids started demanding protection fees, and if you didn't pay, they would beat you up. As a result, I got into fights more frequently. I was called to the office and falsely accused of starting trouble. I was also bad at expressing myself and couldn't defend myself properly. The teacher didn't believe me, and in the end, I was the one who got beaten up and punished. The corporal punishment by teachers in the small city's school was really outrageous. They would actually hit you, slap your face, hit you with a soft pencil, or use a stick. It was during that time when my grades were already average, and I started hating studying. I didn't want to go to school anymore, I didn't want to attend classes. I started pretending to be sick and skipping classes. I completely lost interest in studying, and it was probably in sixth grade when something happened. The classroom door lock was broken, and coincidentally, I was cleaning after school. Some students were fooling around and broke the lock. Later, they went and told the teacher that I did it, and they even testified against me. The teacher didn't believe what I said, and in front of many teachers in the office, they kept hitting my palms with a soft pencil until they were all bruised, asking me to admit it quickly. It was then that I truly understood what it meant to be coerced into confession. In the end, I couldn't bear the pain anymore and admitted to it. I even bought a new lock to replace the broken one in the classroom. After that, I didn't want to go to school anymore. Some might ask why I didn't talk to my mother about it. It was because there was already a rift between us regarding my academic performance. In the eyes of my relatives and family members, I had already become a poor student and a bad child. I didn't study properly and started sneaking off to internet cafes. I didn't care anymore and didn't want to say anything to them.
After entering junior high school, in the first and second years, our physical education teacher served as the homeroom teacher. Since I hadn't laid a good foundation in elementary school, I continued to hate studying in junior high. I would disrupt classes, talk back, and get into fights. During the first two years, corporal punishment and long lectures at home accompanied my education. This period was also my rebellious phase. My father returned to work, and they would argue all day long at home, which was true. They would argue all the time, every moment of the day. The old-style building had poor sound insulation. The entire neighborhood could hear the sound of our arguments, and in addition to the school issues, I would have endless arguments with my family. On one hand, I didn't want to attend school and face punishment, and on the other hand, I didn't want to go back home. I was already feeling a bit depressed. During that time, I would skip classes, go online, play Dota, stay up all night, and sleep in school the next day. It was during this period that I learned a devastating truth, not to mention how I found out, but I discovered that I wasn't my parents' biological child. I was the illegitimate child of a relative, and to cover up their mistake, they brought in my father as a substitute and got married. I was born quickly in the second year of their marriage. That's also why, since I was young, the kids in the neighborhood would always bully me, and adults would look at me with strange eyes, including the children of many parents who initially didn't let their kids play with me. I truly broke down at that moment. It was also during that time that I developed depression, and I started hating myself and my family more and more. I really didn't want to live during that period. One day in the second semester of eighth grade, I bought sleeping pills. At that time, the control over sleeping pills wasn't as strict as it is now. I attempted suicide, but I didn't take enough, so I didn't die. Later, a teacher visited our home and conducted a home visit, asking me about the reasons. I didn't say anything. I just said I wasn't happy and that life had no meaning. The homeroom teacher was probably afraid of taking responsibility, so the attitudes of all the teachers toward me changed afterward. At the very least, they didn't bother me anymore when I slept in class. After moving up to ninth grade, aside from changing the homeroom teacher, the other subject teachers remained the same. During this time, I encountered the second great teacher in my life. The first one was Mr. Cai in the first three years of elementary school. This teacher's last name was Tian. He was our chemistry teacher, and maybe it was because of what happened in my eighth grade... As I write this, I'm finding it difficult to control my emotions. After taking over our class, he had individual conversations with each student. He was the first and only teacher who wanted to be friends with me. He always encouraged me, saying that I wasn't any worse than anyone else and that I should be confident. My depression improved a lot during my ninth grade year, and I studied diligently. However, because I had fallen so far behind before, I couldn't catch up. In the end, I didn't pass the high school entrance exam, and I left home to study in Shijiazhuang. I didn't want to continue living in that city or return to that home.
The three years of studying and living in Shijiazhuang were among the few happy times in my life. My depression rarely occurred during this period. With a completely new environment, new friends, and classmates, I actively engaged in my studies. I joined the student council and became a department head. I played basketball, exercised, and played Dota. Overall, I felt fulfilled. The only regret was that during the final stage of the semester, I had my first official romantic relationship, but it ended in betrayal. Afterward, I didn't date anyone for the next five years.
After graduation, I interned at a China Railway unit, which happened to be in Shijiazhuang. At that time, Shijiazhuang was constructing a subway, and since I studied surveying, I decided to stay. It was my first time entering the workforce, and many things shattered my preconceptions. There was hypocrisy and flattery in the workplace, colleagues engaging in office politics, data manipulation, construction companies cutting corners, and project managers having affairs behind their spouses' backs... The world turned out to be different from what I had imagined. In the first half of the year, I worked diligently, but in the latter half, I started contemplating what I really wanted to do, and my enthusiasm for work diminished. After the completion of the project I was involved in, I resigned directly. I left Shijiazhuang and became a commentator.
My depression completely erupted in mid-March 2019 when my father passed away due to illness. He had been tormented by the disease for several months and eventually succumbed to the pain. During his last few days, I stayed by his side, watching him and reflecting on his two failed marriages and the mistreatment he endured at his workplace, only to be plagued by the disease until his death. After the funeral, in April, I returned to my rented house in Shanghai. During that time, I would spend the entire night talking to myself in the house, painfully banging my head against the wall. Every day, when I looked into the mirror, I felt an intense disgust towards the person I saw. As I grew older, I resembled my biological father more and more, and I couldn't even count how many times I had hurt myself in front of the mirror. This state of mind persisted until recently, where I would only take a bite of food every two or three days, experiencing headaches and various sleep disturbances. Sometimes, I would even have uncontrollable fits of laughter and engage in self-talk. I'm really not doing well.
In recent years, I have started squandering money to fill the emptiness in my heart. I can't find meaning in life, and I can't reconcile with my past either. Many people have told me that it's not my fault, that I shouldn't blame myself for the mistakes of others, and that I should live my own life. You could also say that this is my way of escaping from reality, that I'm a weak and useless person. Well, so be it. Without me, this family that should never have existed wouldn't have come into being. There wouldn't have been so many things that should or shouldn't have happened. This family emerged because of me, and today I will end it by taking my own life. Everything from the beginning has been wrong, and I hope this mistake can be corrected now. My inner pain can finally come to an end. Today, when I leave, I will leave with a smile. Every second in this world, many people are born and die. Without me, the world won't be lacking anything. I don't want to come to this earthly realm again in my next life, and I hope that in the future, you won't create a tragic family for the sake of your own selfish desires or to cover up your own mistakes.
Please forgive my selfishness and cowardice, and please forgive my pain and struggles. Goodbye.

So i have been living here for a few years. My neighbors slander me with terrible insults. Like horrible things. Sometimes they humor themselves with things i say in the privacy of my home. Like they go nonstop especially the husband. The other day a few houses got raided and im not saying theyre doing work in the garage because it was a lare bust. But the husband has been very vocal. He said he was gangster as fuck and was making jokes with his friends that he wanted to ‘smash me up’ and was making jokes about putting a bullet in me. Like they call me everything from sex worker to someone that hurts children, calling me an m-ster and just anything they can think of. I cant believe how they wont stop they go for hours sometimes. The neighbors on the street join in with the humiliation and its a smalll community snd theyre destroyed my confidence. I play music and because of them people like to brag that im a wannabe celebrity or something pathetic. But the gun threats worry me. Its the second time since ive been here that i was very worried. I really think hes very unhinged underneath it all but hes loud and boisterous and im a quiet person. What can i do. They even have their kids chanting and saying awful things. Ive said practically nothing to them and they dont even see me. Ive slways avoided them because they seem cery very toxic. Its a strong gang neighborhood and ive seen these neighborhood feuds using the same language even going as far as spraypainting really bad words on peoples fences. I know there are laws protecting homeowners from finding peace in their own homes. Hes a husband of the daughet who bought the house next door. What can i do? I dont think i have funds for too much legal but he scares me a lot. I dont want to go to the authorities right now but anything would help. Im afraid they were trying to scare me into selling the house because they care so much about saying the worst things about me for hours. Like every time i go out. I dont know what they mean by smashing me badly or the gun threats. I work remotely and have been very stressed out by them.

Personally this is 15 years ago for me but I still don't have closure so I'd like to discuss. I had a bad break up in 1st year- was already dark skinned and chubby and I got worse with the taunting and lack of supportive friends. I was an intense girl who'd discuss heavy topics. I was probably chronically depressed. I had a lot of childhood trauma but I didn't share it with people till they got close. My small town school friends had been kinder and more inclusive so the cattiness in the big city was a culture shock to me.
Most people in college seemed to prefer to just banter and flirt and laughed all the time about dumb things. I couldn't understand how they could stay at that superficial level and even form mixed gender gangs like that (it was mostly the guys who "approved of" and included new people). I never ended up forming a circle and didn't get invited out much. Some guys would tell me "chill man.. just enjoy!" if I talked about any difficult topic. Guys made it a point to call me "sister" and never sit alone with me for too long. I felt like I had the cooties or something. I saw guys hovering around and swarming to the more feminine girls (not necessarily very pretty but) who'd bat their eyelashes and pout to have their way. The girls got free coffees and dinners and moved from one to the next within months. It seemed gross to me. I thought my talents, good heart and intelligence would attract people- both for friendship and romance- but I was left alone by both genders- I couldn't fake "being happy" which seemed necessary for popularity. Don't people treat "underdogs" more kindly? I tried so hard to be a part of the community back then attending every damned birthday party or dinner only to be alone when I cried. But people would often come with their problems for support, use me n go off.
I don't know if it was just looks based or me being depressed with maybe a negative aura but I remained single for the next 10 years, only found guys online. Now 15 years since college, I'm in a better headspace and take better care of myself. I'm still not popular in that circle and don't have many friends- still feel sorry for myself for having been excluded back when I needed support. I became closer to a few and had shared my past but never got treated with more empathy or kindness for it- they still excluded me from "fun" stuff with others. I was told I'm "not everybody's cup of tea" by one rudely, recently another said the same. I posted about that a few days ago- it's mean and I need better friends.
But I chiefly want to discuss college friendships and how boys see girls at that age. Talk to me please.

"The Battle of Algiers" is a critically acclaimed faux documentary inspired by “cinéma vérité” and directed by Gillo Pontecorvo. Released in 1966, it depicts a crucial phase in the Algerian War of Independence (1954-7). The film portrays events such as the FLN's (Front de Libération Nationale) bombings, assassinations, and the French military's efforts to suppress the insurgency.
The film received the Golden Lion at the Venice Film Festival in 1966 and was nominated for three Oscars (Best Director, Best Screenplay, Best Foreign Language Film). Over the years, it has continued to earn accolades, including being listed among the greatest films of all time by publications such as Sight & Sound and The New York Times. Edward Said famously claimed that “The Battle of Algiers” and “Queimada” (1969), Pontecorvo's next film, were the two greatest political films ever made. They indubitably paved the way for films such as Costa-Gavras “Z” and Theo Angelopoulos’s “Days of “36”.
The film was released a mere four years after the end of the Algerian War of Independence; it immediately became a subject of fierce controversy in France. The French government, under the conservative President Charles de Gaulle, was not supportive of the film due to its critical portrayal of French colonialism; as a result when Pontecorvo won the Golden Lion in Venice, the French delegation left in protest and the film was not screened in France until 1971. Even then, death threats by nationalists deterred cinema owners, and it was only through pressure from Louis Malle and other intellectuals that the film was eventually shown in French cinema.
The film portrays the profound repercussions that arise from challenging popular will through colonial means, such as military force and institutional discrimination. "The Battle of Algiers" emerges directly from the liberation movement it vividly captures. Following Algeria's independence in 1962, former fedayee (guerrilla) and captive of the French, Saadi Yaceft, approached Pontecorvo to adapt his memoirs into a film. The authenticity of the film’s foundation helped it to exude a striking realism rarely seen in political movies. The film's mournful tone and journalistic approach enabled Pontecorvo to reconstruct events on a grand scale, capturing the essence of the urban landscape of Algiers while also depicting intimate moments of ordinary people.
What adds to the power of the film is its ability to maintain a balanced and impassioned perspective by addressing the concerns of both sides of the war. The French colonel, who himself fought against the Nazis during the resistance, wonders why some intellectuals and the artists of France side with the Algerian rebels. However, there was a time when the colonel did not have to question why the Germans were unwelcome in his own country.
In Pontecorvo’s own words: "So many critics see “The Battle of Algiers” as propaganda, but in the scenes of death, the same religious music accompanies both the French and Arab bombings. I am on the side of the Arabs, but I feel compassion for the French even if historically they were at fault. I do not say the French were bad, only that they were wrong. [...] My subject is the sadness and laceration that the birth of a nation means in our time.” Undoubtedly, Pontecorvo, an Italian Jew who had previously been affiliated with the communist party and had fought as a partisan during World War II, did not garner favor among conservative circles.
Pontecorvo intricately wove together the technical aspects of the film, utilizing handheld cameras and black and white cinematography to convey an immediacy that plunges viewers into the heart of the conflict. The film's stark urban landscapes and the raw emotions etched on the faces of its characters are expertly framed, thanks to the cinematography of Marcello Gatti.
Gatti, the film's cinematographer, bore a leftist ideology and had endured imprisonment under Mussolini's dictatorship for defacing a portrait of Mussolini. With consummate skill, he adeptly captured the raw and captivating ambiance of the urban conflict portrayed in the film. His remarkable ability to navigate the labyrinthine, serpentine streets of Algiers and aptly depict the fervor of the clashes between the FLN and the French military heightened the film's tension.
Pontecorvo's approach to working with amateur actors is equally noteworthy. The performances of actors like Saadi Yacef, the aforementioned former FLN leader who portrays himself, are captivating in their authenticity. Pontecorvo's mastery in bestowing the film with the appearance of newsreel and documentary was so profound that American releases bore a disclaimer stating that "not one foot" of actual newsreel footage was utilized.
Jean Martin, a French actor who had only a modest number of screen credits to his name, was carefully selected by Pontecorvo to be the sole professional actor in the film, chosen for his relative obscurity and professional expertise. In his interactions with untrained performers, Martin occasionally faced challenges stemming from the disparity in experience. Pontecorvo, on the other hand, expressed apprehension regarding potential disparities in acting styles and their potential impact on the film's overall coherence. Nevertheless, Martin ultimately delivered a commanding portrayal as Colonel Mathieu, exuding the chilling resolve of the French military and effectively capturing the complexities of the conflict and the moral ambiguity surrounding the actions of the French military.
Indeed, Colonel Mathieu is the key figure of the movie and a complex anti-hero. Tasked by the French government with suppressing the Algerian uprising, he epitomizes the archetype of a resilient and seasoned professional soldier. Having earned his stripes as a veteran of the French Resistance, Mathieu exudes an unwavering demeanor devoid of any trace of irony. The film's most remarkable sequence revolves around Mathieu's commanding presence as he leads a triumphant parade along Algiers' main street. His intentions are twofold: to reassure loyal citizens of the French army's might in quashing the terrorists and to confront the terrorists themselves. With an air of casual ease, he radiates unwavering confidence, fully immersed in the spectacle he has orchestrated. Bathed in a dance of alternating shadows and sunlight, skillfully captured by Pontecorvo's masterful utilization of natural light, Mathieu's countenance becomes an indispensable component of the film's "newsreel" aesthetic.
Possibly the most cherished trivia about the movie is that it was screened at the Pentagon in 2003, prior to the invasion of Iraq. American generals were captivated by the film's unwavering candor in delving into subjects such as counter-terrorism, counter-insurgency, and the contentious employment of torture as a means of gathering information. General David Petraeus, who held command of the 101st Airborne Division at the time, lauded the film for its portrayal of the intricate complexities entailed in urban warfare and counterinsurgency. While this screening undoubtedly revitalized the film's iconic status, it appears that the attending officers failed to fully absorb Pontecorvo's profound insights, as evidenced by the course of the war in Iraq. Perhaps a revisiting of the film is in order for them.
"The Battle of Algiers" offers a cinematic odyssey that reaches far beyond its portrayal of the Algerian war. Its profound impact transcends the boundaries of that particular conflict, embracing a universal frame of reference that allows audiences to connect it to any war or struggle. The film's resonance stems from its profound ability to delve into timeless truths about the human condition and the harrowing ramifications of armed conflict, solidifying its status as a film of enduring relevance.
Pontecorvo's film has become such a powerful symbolic representation of the Algerian struggle that the untold stories of grassroots resistance can sometimes fade into the background, lost in obscurity. I'd like to suggest two more films which lack the laurels and recognition of the “Battle of Algiers” but shed light to lesser known aspects of the anti-colonial struggle in North Africa: “The Chronicle of the Years of Fire” and “The Lion of the Desert” (infamously funded by Libya's Colonel Gaddafy). If you're open to exploring movies that challenge your perspectives and offer historical insights, these two could be an interesting choice.
“The Chronicle of the Years of Fire” is an Algerian movie by Mohammed Lakhdar-Hamina that won the Palme d’ Or in 1975: it shows the conflict through the eyes of a peasant while carefully depicting tribal life on the mountains of Algeria. “The Lion of the Desert” is an epic historical film directed by Moustapha Akkad with an impressive array of Hollywood stars, portraying the true story of Omar Mukhtar, a Bedouin leader who fought against Italian forces during the Italian colonization of Libya in the 1930s.
If interested in further discussing this film, you can join our Zoom discussion this Friday: https://www.meetup.com/the-toronto-philosophy-meetup/events/293060025/

Hi. I don’t ever post on here, so I’m sorry I don’t really know how this works..
In september I (23F) finally got out of an on-and-off-relationship of 5 years that was really toxic. We both became the worst for each other. It was heartbreaking and traumatizing. I took time for myself and have never really been into dating multiple people so the focus was mostly on myself this year. I thought I had healed, and was back to my old self until I reconnected with this guy (25M) from the past that I had dated before for a short time. He’s really kind, funny, caring and treats me and other people with respect. He’s social and just about anyone of my friends who meets him thinks he’s a really nice and loving guy. I feel very comfortable around him and at ease. I know I’m getting feelings and he really likes me and asked me if I would be okay with dating.
Now, I really thought I would be okay with this and ready, but the more he clings on to me, the more I want to run. I’m scared of hurting him and getting hurt again. I feel like I can’t commit. He asked me about my feelings and I told him the truth, that yes I do have feelings for him but I’m just not ready and will need a lot of time. I don’t want him to wait for me if I can’t even give him the certainty that he needs. I know I’m not a bad person, but I feel like one because I can only hear my ex when these words come out of my mouth. It feels like a cycle, of a hurt person hurting someone, and I don’t want to continue it.
I feel broken. I can’t communicate my feelings and try to block them all out. Constantly keeping myself busy from even thinking about it, and blocking when someone asks me about it. Whenever someone gets close, I run. How do I heal? And how do I go further with this situation?
TL;DR: I have difficulties communicating my emotions and committing after a toxic relationship. How do I heal myself to break this toxic cycle?

Hi, /dreamcatcher! This is a long shot but thought it was worth a try! And I hope this is ok to post here. I have seen WTB posts before, but this a bit of unusual one 😅
So I love CDs and they're the main reason I buy K-Pop albums. The photobooks can be fun, of course, but sometimes I have to make the decision not to buy because they are too big or I simply don't like the packaging. And unfortunately I don't really like the packaging this time round for A: From Us, and both limited and normal are just too big for me (struggling on space!!)
But I would so love to have the CD as I love the album musically and that's the main way I listen to music. I've noticed in the K-Pop community people often have spare albums either for the inclusions or to do scrapbooking etc, and don't actually use the CD, so is there anyone who might eventually have a spare Apocalypse: From Us CD (disc only, without packaging) that they'd be interested in selling?
I'm from the UK and would prefer to buy domestically but I'd consider buying from elsewhere if the shipping isn't too high. Ideally the seller would post in a spare jewel case so the CD is protected during shipping. I don't care if the jewel case is scratched or cracked as long as the CD is secure.

• With the recent The Little Mermaid release, a lot of off topics were brough to the table. The topics of race, blackwashing, racism, etc. are not topics to be dismissed so quickly and with ease. However, a quick reminder to newcomers and why not old-timers, boxoffice is about numbers to put it simply.
• In the past week we've seen many takes on why and how, most of which includes the topics above. And this is fine... if you can bring a correlation with data and analysis. The problem become even more prominent in the past 24 hours, with Little Mermaid international opening weekend numbers and ratings in overseas markets. Users were quick to jump the gun and the accusations and pseudo analysis starts flying.
• Some of you deemed entire continents, countries, ethnics racist. And you can do that. But you will have to bear the consequences of your own actions. I know for some the silver lining doesn't exists, so we are either with them or against them. Folks think we are siding with either of the groups - the accusers or the accused. Matter of fact, we care about the analysis of the situation. If you bring such topics to the conversation, you better do an analysis correlated to box office. Generalization based on your opinionated subjective view should be at least civil in some manner with again, connection to the sub itself. Shouting out racism, racist, etc. just because you feel it, or you think it's the moral think to do, to expose in your own believe such traits, is your right... but will be seen as off topic here. We like users here to bring even if little, to the sub with actual on topic discussions. Ethnics could be a good conversation here, if you do it right. Trades have been doing it long time, with breakdown of target demos and analyzing ratings based on that.
• I again couldn't stress enough the importance of bearing the consequences of your own actions. If your post/comment was removed/locked, this isn't a matter of personal feelings. It's just an off topic that don't bring nothing to the conversations, which boxoffice is striving for. There are plenty of communities you can comment the current situation like movies, disney, etc.
• This is also a reminder that this case isn't unique to The Little Mermaid. It's just that the movie release prominently now dominates those topics. Racial slurs, insults, trolling are not welcomed here. You can see rule #4.

​
As a final note: In the last few hours I've deleted many comments, entire ladders of off topic comment nonsense. I would like users to not waste their time with such thing, because if deemed, We could nuke entire convos/posts from orbit. It's the only way to be sure!

Hello, cscareerquestions community,
I came across a viewpoint recently that I found intriguing and wanted to bring it here to hear what others think about it. The comment was made by a hiring manager in the CS field, and they stated:
"As a hiring manager, I generally give someone with a degree a small edge over someone with the equivalent number of years of experience, kind of like a tiebreaker. What university they got the degree from doesn't come into it. (Excepting 100% online places, those don't get the 'bonus.")"
They further added, "I don't know anyone in CS who cares one tiny bit about where you went to school. For government contracts, a BS counts for 4 years of experience."
The statement indicates a preference for traditional degree holders over those who pursued their degrees entirely online. This seems to contradict a widely held belief that, in our industry, skills and experience often trump educational pedigree.
So, I wanted to get a sense of what the larger community here thinks about this.
As hiring managers or team leads, do you share this perspective? How do you view online degrees compared to traditional ones?
For those who have obtained their degrees online, have you faced any biases or difficulties in the job market because of this?
In the realm of government contracts, have you found the assertion that a BS counts for 4 years of experience to be accurate?
I believe this discussion will be particularly relevant for many of us, considering the rise of online education and remote learning platforms, especially during and after the COVID-19 pandemic. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and experiences!
Thank you!

For context, I’ve struggled with romantic relationships my whole life. I came from a pretty sheltered upbringing, and didn’t exactly know what to do when in a relationship. However, that never stopped me from becoming emotionally invested in people. It’s probably my greatest flaw.
After a few breakups and one in particular after my freshman year of college, I had started to find relief in the internet. I have had sex before and I’ve been addicted to porn for the longest time, but there’s something about having an actual interaction that made porn seem worthless to me. I wanted more. I started trying to find online communities to meet people my age, and see if anything would happen if you know what I mean. And it did. Many times. Just virtual stuff. But it made me feel good for a split second, and then like shit all over again. It repeated for almost a year and I had tried talking to girls in person again to have a real relationship, but I kept returning to the shit that made me so mad at myself.
Eventually I was on one of those apps where you talk to random people, and I straight up had the intention of trying to have some sort of sexual experience, but I got on the call with a girl whose profile picture was absolutely beautiful. We talked for about 10 seconds and then the thought of anything sex related completely left my mind. I was having a genuine conversation and it was amazing. We talked for about 2 hours before she gave me her Snapchat, and we continued talking before heading to bed.
For more context, she lived in the other side of the country from me. About a 13 hour drive (if that helps give you an idea). I also know what you might be thinking. “Oh you were catfished”. But I wasn’t. We upgraded to FaceTiming almost every night, she would tell me about her work and funny customer interactions and I would make her laugh by sharing some of my experiences too. We both loved playing minecraft, and so I paid for a realm so we could play together. We spent so many days playing on that world, which I still have somewhere. At one point I wanted to surprise her, so I made a massive mural of her with Minecraft blocks that made a picture of her cat. She absolutely loved it.
I should also mention that this wasn’t just like talking every now and then. I spent so much of my day speaking to her, Texting her, and I was in absolute bliss. I finally was talking to someone who had similar faith beliefs as me, political affiliation, and general life views. For the first time, I saw a future with someone.
Now you might remember that she lives super far away, and we’ve never met in person yet. So we came up with a plan for me to fly out and meet her. We planned for weeks. And as one would, she talked to her parents, and I talked to them over FaceTime and had a really good conversation with her mom, and even some of her friends. Everything was going smoothly, but then something changed. As the date for me to fly there for closer, we both started to get really sad. I think the reality of the situation was sinking in. Neither of us were afraid to share feelings with each other, part of why this connection was so amazing, so we voiced it to each other. She then proceeded to call everything off. Lots of sad words were said, and most of them I remember to this day.
“I know that if I meet you, I’m going to fall in love, and it will break my heart every-time, seeing you have to leave”
“I don’t want my chance with you to be ruined, when I know it wouldn’t work because of the distance”
Those are just a few of the sentences that sometimes keep me up at night, and they cut some pretty deep wounds that have yet to heal. I didn’t want a long distance relationship, but it was something I would’ve done in a heartbeat if it meant being with her, she just knew it would hurt so much to jump into that, so we ripped off the bandaid early i guess to save us from more sadness. Although I’m not sure if that’s totally true, As this whole situation f-ed me up pretty good.
I should also mention that not only did we talk over the phone, but we sent each other gifts too. I remember sending her a stuffed animal, along with an actual living plant. She loved the plant the and the stuffed animal was an inside joke between us. I didn’t expect anything in return, but she sent something to me too. She was very crafty and made me some very cool things. She knows I love dinosaurs, so she crocheted me a small trex that can fit in the palm of my hand. She also sent me a tshirt with a note attached “you can wear this when you come to visit”. And lastly, she painted me a picture of iron-man, because she knows I love it. But that wasn’t it. Inside the picture frame was one of the best things I have ever received as a person. It was a note. Kind of like a love letter of sorts. We often sent each other long texts about how we made each other happy, and how it was so weird that we felt such a strong connection even though we had never met in person. But anyways, her note said this:
“Dear (me),
I never thought I would find myself in this wonderful yet unusual situation. Even though the space between us is inconvenient, I realize that I would be stupid to waste this opportunity because you are truly special. If I had a chance to do anything right now, it would be to appear by your side. I will wait however long it takes if it means I get to meet you one day. I want you to have this as a piece of me that will always be with you.
Your honey, (her)”
As you might have guessed I hold a lot of value to that note, and I received it before she broke off the trip where I was to visit. We still talked almost daily, with some breaks inbetween, because we were trying to heal from the sadness of not being able to meet.
In the time after that happened, we’ve both been in relationships, and I’ve definitely hinted at still having feelings. And she’s never completely shut me down. I think that’s the hardest part. Part of me is begging her to tell me that I need to move on, and that we’ll never be together, but I know she’ll never tell me that.
Of course, lots happened that I have not shared in this post, as meeting her, all the way up to planning to visit her happened over the course of 6 months I think. A week from now will mark two years since I was supposed to fly down to see her. And it still hurts. I could explain the situation in further detail if anyone is interested. In those two years much has changed in our friendship that has left me questioning everything.
Regardless. If she gave me the word I would pack my bags and move to live near her in a heartbeat, because I know I’d be happier with her than anyone else.

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I've been on this sub long enough that I should probably know better and consider posts like this as bait, but the conservative in me just can't help it. I'll play along and try not to get banned again, for the 20th time. I'll choose my words wisely because I know this place is crawling with Feds and spooks.
Yeah, it's of my opinion that these people need to stop or be stopped. Try to have some modesty like the Amish or Muslims. But, these people are gonna do what they gonna do and push the law to it's limit. They should go to the gallows too, but they won't be first in line. The dude in a g string bouncing his 6 inch clit off some kindergarten kid's forehead with a giant neon sign that says, "It ain't gonna suck itself" behind him, get to be first in line. Then the club owner. Then the school officials that allowed it to happen. "Dance Moms" are further back in the line. The problem is that most people don't want to get their hands dirty with the wet work. Even if that guy is an evil mofo, they don't want that on their karma. That's why people like cops and troops are so necessary. "Moral flexibility" is what we call it. Some people just ain't got it in them.
I'd totally roll on two with these people and I might even forget to wet the sponge. As long as the state gives me the authority and a green light, these chomos can ride the lightning. I don't care if it's a preacher. The wages of sin is death. He should have known that. "B-b-but, CO, I'm a preacher." To which I'd say, "GOOD! That means that you already know where you're about to go. Ole Sparky will send you there and I'm pulling the switch. I want the last thing that you see in this world to be the smile on my face before I put this hood over your head. So long, you piece of shit." 🤣👌
As cool as it may be to lynch sex offenders and delete the nuggets of priests who touch kids inappropriately, it's illegal. Preachers are some of the worst, OP, and the problem is that BIG CHURCH moves them around, so it's hard to keep a priest in your crosshairs. You could try making a list, but they skip town before anyone has the balls to take them out, and I don't mean to dinner at Red Lobster. Unless we get a CW2 in the US to go around popping noggins in the fog of war, it's not gonna happen. (my fingers are crossed though) As a retired troop/LEO, we do what we can legally do to keep the peace. Normies and untrained citizens just can't run up in the jail and start kicking ass, although it would be hilarious. I wish we could bring back public stoning, but the Constitution outlaws cruel and unusual punishment. You need to proper training to effectively beat and torture people. Did you know, that if you were to beat a man, you want to do knee strikes to the lower part of the rib cage? The knee is big and blunt enough that it doesn't leave sharp bruise marks and the lower ribs have a lot of cartilage. You can bust that shit up all day like mashed potatoes. Untrained people might punch the top of the ribs, causing a hard break and potentially a punctured lung. Not not good at all, that's the opposite of what's good. We have to keep people alive, but prolong their suffering as much as possible. Rumor has it that after enough torture, people try to talk the chomo into suicide. I mean, your life is pretty much over anyways, so why not do the world a favor.
Any chomo that gets locked up is likely to be in for a bad time. I myself would super duper never ever harm another human being because love conquers all and violence is never the answer. That's the best that we can do for you right now, OP. Even before I retired, these people were already starting to be given special rights, privileges, and protections. Mark my words, in a couple more years, there will be a spot on that colorful flag for minor attracted persons and probably for animal lovers too. And if you're not cool with that, you'll get fired from your job and kicked off of reddit.
I hope my message of love and peace finds you healthy and happy, OP. I'll probably be taking a one week vacation to Ban Land for posting this, but I don't care. I hope the mods did read it. People need to (metaphorically) grow some balls. Sadly, most people are too scared to say anything at this point and that's exactly why we're currently in the situation that we are in. Have some courage and speak truth to power.

Hey, everyone. I posted a writing philosophy post on my blog today, and given the relevance to our subgenre, I figured I'd repost it here in case some people are interested. I expect this will be a controversial one -- it's definitely an area where my approach to writing differs from the norm -- but I hope that some readers find the insight on my perspective valuable, even if they don't actually agree with it.

The Spark of Paths Untraveled

A common element of writing philosophy is that authors should, as a general rule, only include content that serves the plot, the development of characters, or both. These authors tend to feel that other types of content — largely meaning scenes that are principally written for setting (or world building, as it’s often called) purposes — should only occur if they also serve the plot or development of the characters in some way.
I’m here to disagree with that approach.
There are several elements to why, but I’m going to focus primarily on a few main points that are important to the types of fiction that I tend to write.

Paths Untraveled

The foundation of my premise (not a cultivation joke, but you’re free to make it as one) is simple:
Things touched on within a story that the character does not actually end up exploring directly can add just as much (or more) value to a reader experience than what the character does explore.
This is going to sound incredibly counter-intuitive to some people, but probably won’t be as strange to anyone who is heavily involved in fanfiction communities and similar subcultures.
So, what am I talking about here, exactly?
Essentially, there are some specific scenes in novels that are written in a way that — through the intent of the author or otherwise — ignite the imagination about what could have happened if things went just a little bit differently.
Typically, these are most commonly scenes that involve clearly delineated “branches” that can lead to “what if” scenarios on the part of a reader. In my experience, there are very few things that ignite reader interest — and fandom interest in general — more than “what if this one story element went slightly differently?” This doesn’t have to be as direct as a choice. It can also, more rarely, simply be bits of information that provide context on areas of the setting that are never fully explored within canon. For example, a character might be shown explaining — or even using — an ability that is never seen again in a story, and their *lack* of using that ability can also be a point that sparks reader interest. (See: Kakashi opening the First Gate during an exposition scene in early Naurto, then never using it again.)
Now, this might sound like it has a lot to do with plot and character – and yeah, it often does. Things like, “What if Batman just killed the Joker?” is both a very common plot point to theorize about and a place to think about exploration of character development for what might occur in that scenario.
But there’s a category of “what if” style scenarios that principally focus on elements of world building or magic system exploration, and while those absolutely can intersect with things like characters and plot in some ways, they don’t necessarily need to.
A clear example of this?
My Arcane Ascension books include details about attunements that may never actually show up in the books.
I tend to go lighter on detail for things that aren’t likely to directly intersect with the main characters (in terms of plot or character development), and some of the attunements were mentioned earlier than their inclusion for the sake of foreshadowing when characters would show up with them later, but things like attunement descriptions for attunements that won’t show up help serve a few different types of “what if” scenarios —
What if one of the characters had ended up with, say, the Chronomancer attunement instead of what they had in the main story?
This type of content exists not only to provide extra world building details to make the world feel alive (which I feel has its own value), it also provides fans with more ideas to explore. And attunements are just the start of it — there are numerous types of content that, while absolutely not integral to the plot or the characters, add something to reader engagement for a certain type of reader. This is the reader that tends to think about these details and extrapolate into possibilities for other stories, to theorycraft, and, perhaps most commonly, a type of engagement I don’t think authors talk about enough —
The type of reader that wants to create their own character within a setting.
This is a hugely common aspect of fandom, above and beyond people who are out there making fanart and fanfic. Things like Judgements and other forms of determining your magic — or what faction you belong to, or your character class, or any number of other branching points — are massively important points of engagement for readers. (See any number of internet quizzes for what house you’d belong to in other fandoms, for example.)
These are what I call “spark scenes”, because they spark ideas on the parts of readers. Any scene a character could end up with one of many different rewards or punishments falls into this category.
There are numerous examples of what I consider to be “spark scenes”. Some examples include:
​

• Treasure vault scenes.
  • Typically, in these scenes, a reader is given information on several things in a vault, and the main character is given a chance to choose one item.
    • Sometimes, we’ll get a scene where the main character gets everything from the vault later, which makes this plot and/or character relevant information. However, oftentimes these other items are never seen again. This does not, to me, mean they do not have value — rather, the value is in world building (we know these things can exist in the setting now) and, the much more nebulous value that I’m talking about here, which is spark value, or the value of getting the reader to think about what would happen if a different choice is made.
    • Notably, this is one of many reasons why I prefer to see treasure vault scenes that have a variety of choices where there isn’t one clear “right” option. If there are a handful of items that are super generic and boring, but one thing that’s obviously incredibly overpowered that the main character picks, that doesn’t have the same spark effect, because there’s a much more limited incentive to think about why the other options would have been interesting.
    • Things like “pick your starting technique or spell” scenes are another example of this.
• Character class section.
  • As alluded to in attunements mention above, any place where a main character has to choose a character class — or something similar, like a cultivation path — is also a potential spark scene.
  • As explained above, this also works better for “spark” value if there are multiple equally good options (or similarly good options) available to think about.
  • Things like which powers a superhero ends up with, or which element a character has in a cultivation setting, can also fall into the same category, especially if there are elements of choice involved.
  • Other elements of game-like character creation (e.g. picking a species) also fall into this category.
• Auction scenes.
  • Typically, these are used to introduce conflict when a main character wants something at the auction that some ultra high-class noble or something also wants. This one super awesome item is often the focus of the scene from a plot and character perspective — but, unless you really want to write a one-item auction, there’s room here to have other cool stuff on the auction, too, even if the main character doesn’t pick it up.
• Wishes, boons from powerful entities, and similar concepts.
  • These are classics, even outside of this subgenre. What if Aladdin wished for (x) instead of (y?)
  • Things like exploring the rules and limitations of the wishing/boon process can add more layers to reader engagement. Any time you add a rule to something like a genie lamp, it’s a way of asking certain types of readers to say, “What if that rule didn’t exist?” or “How can I work around that rule?” That engagement has value, even if it’s not fully explored within the story itself.
• Contract/vow scenes.
  • Any scene where a character has to make a contract has the potential to be a spark scene.
  • For example, if a character gets to choose one of a handful of monsters to be their starting monster companion, each monster option that the main character doesn’t pick serves this function.
  • If it’s a magically binding contract, including the language of the contract can also serve as a spark, especially if there are elements that readers find that might be exploitable, etc. similar to the genie example above.
• Location/route option scenes.
  • Simple examples are things like, “In order to reach the Lost Mountains, we can go through either the ancient ruins of Lostopia or follow the Winding Road of No Return.”
  • In many stories, the names might be listed, but no details are provided for the options not taken — this is one of those areas where I think that even a paragraph or two of “unnecessary” content for the alternate routes can be super engaging.
• Magic system exploration scenes.
  • For example, sections of the book talking about possible spells of specific magic types that Corin doesn’t actually research can serve this function. Many of these spells will still come up in the future — either when Corin decides to learn them or if other characters do — but having descriptions of what is possible within certain types of magic can spark the imagination.
  • This is one of the areas where my books can get the most excessive in terms of detail, especially in Arcane Ascension. This is something that new authors should be very careful about, and even I would probably tone down certain specific scenes — or approach them in a more engaging way — if I was going back and rewriting them.

These are just some sample options; there are really a ton of ways to have elements of a scene that spark reader engagement without necessitating direct plot or character involvement.
Notably, these spark scenes often have greater value if there’s room for the reader to disagree with the main character’s decisions — and in order to do that in a way that can explored at beyond a cursory level, there needs to be a certain requisite amount of information provided.
Take the character class selection option, for example.
It’s very easy for an author to say, “Maria Suzette saw that she had ten class options, including fighter, mage, cleric, thief, bard, druid, ranger, monk, and paladin, but she chose the more obscure Ultimate God Master class, which no one else used because it had a reputation for being underpowered. No one could have possibly guessed that Ultimate God Master was actually a class with great potential!”
Comedy aside, a lot of LitRPGs start with this type of setup — maybe a little less blatant — or end up in a similar place with things like class and treasure selection.
In the scenario above, the main character is given choices, but there isn’t enough information to know if any of the other classes would interesting. There’s no spark here – it’s basically just laying out that the main character is picking a certain option, which is plot and character relevant, but there’s nothing much to explore on the fandom side. No one reading this premise is likely to be thinking, “Hey, wow, fighter sounds like it could be a particularly intriguing alternative to Ultimate God Master.”
(If you are, I commend your dedication to the fighter role.)
In the same sort of setup, though, if we’re willing to dedicate a bit more time to exploring the paths not traveled, we can put in some details on each other class — and, perhaps, make them a little more interesting as alternate options that someone in the fandom might actually think about wanting. If you really insist on including an Ultimate God Master class for your main character at all, consider that you can still have interesting alternatives on the same scale (Immortal Demon Emperor?) that could feel like viable alternatives.
Now, as a caveat to this, there’s an obvious argument that you can still have all these things and still tie them into plot and character. For example, if you include an Immortal Demon Emperor class as a counter option for the main character above that is their “path untraveled”, there are a couple obvious ways to make it relevant.
The first is to have the main character engage with that option in some way (e.g. think about it before making their choice). This can add to the spark value, since the main character engaging with it can encourage readers to think about it further.
The second is to have it show up again later in some way, e.g. the main character gets a rival with the Immortal Demon Emperor class.
I love both of these approaches, and I think they can add a ton — but I think one area where I differ from many of my writing contemporaries is that I do not actually think that they’re necessary.
The existence of the details themselves, when properly executed, can add value with nothing further being needed within that scene or otherwise. And it can add enough value that including these things is worth doing, in my opinion, even without intertwining them with anything else.

Using This Approach

Do I advise adding in these types of details — say, extra character class alternatives that sound cool that you never see again?
Not really. Not frequently. I don’t even tend to do that myself. Rather, if you look at something like the treasure vault scenes in Weapons & Wielders, I tend to do both of the extra things I mentioned above — I have my character think about the options (which is character exploration) and I have someone else choose them (which makes them potentially plot relevant).
There are, however, cases where I might deliberately include details specifically for the world building and spark effects — and those tend to be cases where I’m doing it specifically with the intention of giving readers ideas for what they might do for their own characters, or locations they might want to have adventures, or that sort of thing. And sometimes, it isn’t appropriate for me to have all those things incorporate a response from my character or future plot involvement. That is, to me, okay.
My principal point here isn’t actually “you should write scenes for setting/world building without any other purpose”. Rather, it’s that plot, character, and setting are typically seen as the three main reasons for writing content, and I would postulate that “spark” is effectively a fourth category that interacts with all of the others, and that the combination of setting and spark can be strong enough to warrant inclusion of details that may not ever be relevant to plot and character.
Scenes and content designed for reader engagement aren’t a new concept, of course. Fandom in particular is extremely familiar with the idea of certain types of content existing specifically to spur though and discussion — but usually, this tends to be in the context of things like character deaths, relationships, and other major things that *do* involve characters and plot. I like to go outside of that territory from time to time, hoping to give my readers things to think about in terms of how magic works, what items people could have picked up, the spells they could have researched, and that sort of thing.
Moderation, of course, has its own value. It’s also important to think about when and where you might be able to employ this type of content without being overly disruptive to pacing. There isn’t an easy way to adjudicate what “good” pacing is, especially in a genre like this one that draws in readers that have very different interests. For example, some readers are most heavily engaged with flashy fight scenes, and others skip them entirely. Likewise, scenes where I go into a bunch of minutia about how magic works bore some readers to tears, but they’re also the single most important scene type for the types of readers who get involved in discussions on Discord, etc. There’s no easy answer to this. I’ve experimented with several approaches and will continue to do so.
As one simple approach to help with pacing, I sometimes include this “spark” content over to things like appendices that are written in-character. This makes these a form of optional engagement for readers that are interested without necessarily bloating the story for other readers. This does have some critical downsides, though — anything in an appendix is going to be deliberately skipped by many readers (even ones who might enjoy it if they know it exists), and perhaps more importantly, it’s probably not going to be included in audiobook. A solid half or more of my readers get my books through audio format, so I have to be cognizant of that and can’t shovel too much of this into appendices or other forms of bonus materials.
So, is that the wrong approach? I don’t have a good answer to that — it’s going to be a good way to handle things for some readers, but not for others. As we see more readers migrating to audio, I think the appendices will be less useful, and I’ll need to prioritize including this type of thing in my main narrative without being disruptive. This is a tough balancing act, and it’s going to be something I continue to test and explore as I write more content in the future.
Conclusions
Now, like any writing opinions I’m going to offer, I need to place a gigantic reminder here that this is a component of my own writing philosophy, not every writer will agree with it, and there absolutely are downsides to including things without clear involvement with plot and character.
Even if certain readers are going to be engaged and start theory crafting when they see details on a bunch of different treasures in a scene that never show up again, or classes on a character class list, that’s not a reader experience that’s going to be universal, or even common. This level of extra detail is best used carefully and deliberately. I’ve personally been known to go overkill on these kinds of details, even for my own preferences, which tend to run very extreme in terms of preferring to see a lot of interesting options to think about.
I’ve had a lot of readers over the years who have been confused by the inclusion of certain content that “doesn’t go anywhere” in my books — and this is one majpr component of that. An (arguably larger) part is that I have a tendency to set up events too far in advance — there are things I’ve been setting up since Forging Divinity that readers won’t see the payoff for until I’ve written ten or more additional novels — so I don’t want it to sound like my books are inundated with things I write exclusively for worldbuilding and spark. But my interest in this kind of content that is designed for a certain type of reader engagement is a major component of my style, and you’ll definitely continue to see that in my stories. There’ll be more treasure vault scenes, more character class selection scenes, and maybe even an auction or two. And in all cases, I intend to include paths my characters will never take.
Why?
So that you can walk those paths yourself.

Fanfic name: Pokemon A(sh)/S(erena)
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\--------------------**Continuity and Placement**\-----------------
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After 1 years of MPM Epsiode 11
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\--------------------**Character settings**\--------------------
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Main Cast: XY Gang (Ash, Serena, Clemont, Bonnie) + OG Gang (Misty, Brock) + Gary Oak
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Everyone will receive the Mega Evolution
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Dawn become Top Coordinator before the fic starts.
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May and Dawn will become Serena's rival.
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Chloe is May, Dawn and Serena's apprentice
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Pokemon Master scaling from best to worst: Ash >>>> Leon > all 6 Masters
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Pokemon Coordinator scaling from best to worst : Dawn = May >< Serena > Chloe > Miette > Drew = Zoey
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Pokemon Performer scaling from best to worst :Serena > May > Dawn > Aria > Chloe > Miette> Jessie
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Everyone will have their official age +1, except Ash who is still stucking at 10 years old (There'll be the story arc which explains why Ash was still 10 years old)
Team rocket trio will be sent to jail at ending of Team Rocket Arc because I feels like they're superfluous in the fanfic. But they might return if I can make use of them and appears as reformed person because they're not entirely bad person I think
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--------------------About Pokemon Gen 9/Horizon/Paldea/SV--------------------
Liko and Roy will appear as side characters, while Necoma might have more role in Paldea story arc due to the shared personality with Ash
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\--------------------**Arc 1: The dream begins and reunion (ep 1-6)**\--------------------
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**Type:** **Storytelling, Action, Romance, Amour**
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Ash recieved the invite that will makes him reunite with his girlfriend, but he must deal with the plant from giant rock which will eventually not only makes him reunite with his girlfriend, but also reassamble the entire XY cast and makes the story looks like XY sequel (lol!)
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Episode 1: Story begins with Ash saw the nightmare where the world being destroyed and even Arceus unable to do anything about it. Then **Ash wake up and he just realized that he was invited to see the Pokemon Contest final (Serena Vs Aria) in Kalos, but when Ash went to Kalos, he saw his Greninja being unconscious because of being overworked for cutting wood so many years non stop without taking any break (Lol!)**
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Episode 2: **It's only 1 hours before Pokemon Contest final starts,** Ash had sent his Greninja into Pokemon center. Meanwhile **Bonnie and Clemont calls Ash that the plant from Giant Rock had nearing the Luminse City.** Ash and Lucario attempt to sense where's the source of those plant are but unable to. Meanwhile at this time, **Greninja had been fully recovered and returns to Ash!**
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Episode 3: **Greninja had been recovered!** With Greninja's help, Ash was finally able to find the source of the Giant Rock- on underground. Clemont used the newly devloped drill to make the tunnel so that Ash (with Pikachu, Lucario and Greninja), Clemont (with Luxray) and Bonnie (With squishy) will able to reach the underground and saw the core of those plants. **With the combined effort of Pikachu, Lucario, Greninja, Luxray and Squishy, they was able to destroy the core and stopping the Giant Rock plant once and for all.**
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**Episode 4:** After the Giant Rock Plant Core had been Destroyed, Ash had found that the Pokemon Contest final had already begin. Ash was tried to reach Pokemon Contest as soon as possible. At first, Aria's excellent Contest skills makes Serena begin to self-doubt if she could made it, but Ash was eventally managed to arrives and cheers Serena, allowing **Serena to unlock Bond Transformation on Her Delphox to become Serena-Delphox and become Kalos Queen** (Yes, I made her Kalos Queen that early because I have struggle to write Pokemon Contest chapters)
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**Episode 5:** At last, **Ash and Serena had finally reunion! To celebrating Serena become Kalos Queen, Ash was going to buy the new clothes for Serena as suprise gift so that Serena can put her Blue Ribbon back on her chest**, but Ash have struggle to do so because Ash know nothing about clothing style, but thanks to Diantha's help, Ash was eventally able to find the clothes that fits Serena and fits her Blue Ribbon.
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**Episode 6:** **Ash and Serena say goodbye to Miette, Diantha and May and moved to Pallet town.** But at the next day, they found themselves had been trapped inside the crowd as both are now become the celebrity and all of the billboard had their own face! Diantha will teach Ash and Serena must find the way to move around in public
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\--------------------**Clemont single chapter (ep 7)**\--------------------
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**Type:** **Storytelling, Action**
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I made this chapter so that I can give Clemont bond transformation form
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Episode 7: Clemont had unveiled the upgraded Clembot MK III, but was being hacked by Xerosic who managed to escaped from jail. Clemont was managed to find Xerosic, but Xerosic was wearing some power protector which overpowers all of his pokemon and his chesnaught! Xerosic was teasing that Clemont's science is terrible, **but Clemont determination that the science was supposed to be used for justice allows his chesnaught to unlock the bond transformation to become Clemont-chesnaught**, allowing Clemont to defeat Xerosic and sent Xerosic back to jail. Unfortunately, Xerosic was managed to damage the Prism Tower which forcing Clemont, Bonnie and Meyer to living in Ash's house temporarily until the Prism Tower had been rebuilt.
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\--------------------**Ash pidgeot single chapter (ep 8)**\--------------------
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**Type:** **Action**
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Despite Ash's pidgeot had officially returned to Ash, it's another questions of how long can his pidgeot live with his trainer.....
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Episode 8: Tons of Fearow had invaded and caused the huge chaos in Pallet town and steals Serena's blue ribbon! Ash's Pidgeot had found that those Fearow are came from Viridian Forest. Ever since Pidgeot had reunited with Ash, those Fearow had rapidly reproduce, quickly take over the Viridian Forest and begin to spread out of nowhere! Those Fearow demands Ash's Pidgeot in exchange for those Pidgey and Pidgeotto's life and the Blue Ribbon. Ash and Pidgeot arrived Viridian Forest but those Pidgey and Pidgeotto told them not to leave his Pidgeot here because they thinks that the Pidgeot was belong to Ash and Ash refuse to leave his Pidgeot here. Those Fearow now attempt to hurt those Pidgey and Pidgeotto and ate the Blue Ribbon! Ash Mega Evolved his Pidgeot to fight against those Fearow but being slowly outnumbered by those Fearow. On the verge of Ash's Pidgeot's defeat, those Pidgey and Pidgetto had evolved into Pidgeot and helps Ash's Pidgeot to defeat those Fearow and give Ash back the Blue Ribbon, ending those Fearow's threat once and for all! Ash and his Pidgeot was bid farewell to those Pidgeot and give the Blue Ribbon back to Serena, now Ash's Pidgeot can live with Ash forever!
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\-------------------**-Arc 3: Team Rocket invasion (ep 9-17)**\--------------------
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**Type:** **Action**
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XY/XYZ cast had finally reassambled! But let's not forget about that they must deal with the very first and longest lasting villain organization-Team Rocket!
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Epsiode 9: **Gary had reunited with Ash**, where former had become the Pokemon Professor. Gary brings Ash and Serena to visit the extension of Professor Oak's laboratory (Clemont and Bonnie was here too!). Meanwhile, Giovanni had arrived the laboratory and defeated Professor Oak. Gary came out and fight against Giovanni once again and.....lose once again. Meanwhile, the **Team Rocket Grunts kidnapped Professor Oak while they're battling and Giovanni had left the laboratory!**
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Epsiode 10: Giovanni kidnapped Professor Oak to Team Rocket base to make Professor Oak works for him. Ash and Gary was thinking about how to save Giovanni. Meanwhile, the Team Rocket trio appears once again and attempt to steal his Pikachu, but Misty and Brock arrives and saves Ash's Pikachu. Ash respond with a heavy heart as Ash aware that this might be their last time to prepare for trouble as Ash had decided to destroy Team Rocket once and for all (Yes, he feels sympathy for those Team Rocket Trio because he aware that Team Rocket Trio have heart) and Ash's pikachu sent Team Rocket Trio flying once again like usual!
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Epsiode 11: Thanks to Clemont's science, Ash, Misty, Brock and Gary was able to track down the location of Team Rocket base. Clemont gives Ash the device which allows Ash to freely switch his Pokemon party anywhere and anytime. **Ash, Misty, Brock and Gary went to Team Rocket base while leaving Serena, Clemont and Bonnie at Ash's house. Ash, Misty, Brock and Gary charging towards Team Rocket Base and begin the final battle against Team Rocket!**
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Epsiode 12: **Ash, Misty, Brock and Gary fight against thousands of Team Rocket Grunts** who "Welcomed" them. But they slowly outnumbered by those Team Rocket Grunts and they realized that those Team Rocket Grunts are here to buying Giovanni's time! **Misty and Brock decided to stay here and clean the road for Ash and Gary to reach Team Rocket Base!** Meanwhile, Professor Oak had been tied into the chair which extract his knowledge about the pokemon.
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Epsiode 13: Ash and Gary was finally managed to find Giovanni and Professor Oak. Giovanni transfer his consciousness into the Armored Mewtwo (this Mewtwo is different from the first movie one and it's nothing more than Giovanni's new body) while Gary was going to save Professor Oak. **Serena, Clemont and Bonnie saw the news about Ash is fighting Armored Mewtwo and decided to head to Team Rocket base together with the help of met Korrina, Alain and Diantha.** Meanwhile, Ash had been defeated by Giovanni and being tied outside the Team Rocket base!
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Epsiode 14: **Clemont, Bonnie and Serena met Korrina, Alain and Diantha to rescue Ash**, but being interrupted by the artifical pokemon army. Meanwhile Giovanni was about to end Ash's life, but being stopped by Gary. **Inside Ash's mental world, Aaron was teaching Ash to master Aura power. After Ash mastered the Aura power, Ash breaks free with his newly mastered Aura power and team up with Gary to fight against Giovanni.**
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Epsiode 15: **Thanks to Ash and Gary's excellent teamwork,** in addition of Ash's mastered Aura power, **Giovanni had been easily defeated and Giovanni's mewtwo armor had been teared apart.** At the same time, **Misty, Brock, Serena, Clemont, Bonnie, Korrina, Alain and Diantha had defeated al of the grunts and artifical pokemon army and reunited with Ash and Gary.** Meanwhile, Giovanni still refused to give up, he used the knowledge that being extracted from Professor Oak to create the gigantic ultimate pokemon called Chimera. Giovanni insert his consciousness into Chimera and razed half of Pallet Town into ground!
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Epsiode 16: Despite the combined effort of **Ash, Gary, Misty, Brock, Serena, Clemont, Bonnie, Korrina, Alain and Diantha**, Chimera was proven too much for those heroes to handle! Chimera then begin to cover the entire sky with the black smoke which will slowly turns all pokemon all over the world into shadow pokemon! Seems there's nothing to stop him, the real mewtwo appears and helps those hero to fight against Chimera. Meanwhile, Ash's Greninja was managed to use his extrasensory to emulate almost all of Pokemon moveset while his Lucario's aura power had been enchanced which allows his Lucario to create the spirit bomb sized aura sphere. **Ash, his pikachu, Greninja and Lucario eventally able to blown Chimera to pieces and sent Giovanni's consciousness back to his human body.** **Ash came in front of Giovanni and about to kills him with Aura sphere, but Serena, and later the newly arrived Team Rocket Trio pleding Ash not to.** **Following Giovanni, Team Rocket Trio and rest of Team Rocket member being arrested, Team Rocket had finally being taken down for good. Korrina, Alain and Diantha say goodbye to Ash, Gary, Misty, Brock, Serena, Clemont and Bonnie as Korrina, Alain and Diantha head back to Kalos. Ash and Team Rocket Trio made the promise that they'll be travel together once the Team Rocket Trio served their sentence**
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**Epsiode 17: Few days after Team Rocket being taken down, Ash, Gary, Misty, Brock, Serena, Clemont and Bonnie made the celebration for that.**
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\--------------------**Arc 4: Ash being dense shell (ep 18-20)**\--------------------
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**Type:** **Storytelling, Action,** **character building,** **emotion**
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The world had back to it's peace following the shut down of Team Rocket. However, Ash's dense shell kick in ane he'll will learn the the hard way about what will happen for being dense shell
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Epsiode 18: **Ever since Ash become much stronger since the Team Rocket fight, he begin to become arrogant and addicted in Pokemon Battle! (Yes, typical dense shell Ash for ya) He begin to refuse other people's help and even end up having Quarrel with Serena! Ash ragequit his house and being attacked by Damian**, who is looking for revenge of his charamder's betrayal. Despite Ash become lot stronger since they last met, Damian's newly obtained Psychic power and his Charizards army (Mega charizard X and Y, Gigantmaxed Charizard and Shadow Charizard that Damian created with his Psychic power) was proven even more ahead of Ash and defeats Ash! **Meanwhile, Ash's rage towards Damian had results his Pikachu unleashed the large energy which not only quickly defeats Damian, but also create the huge hole on ground and become berserk!**
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Epsiode 19: **Being humiliated by Damian and having his pikachu went berserk, Ash had slowly realized that he's only care about Pokemon and become megalomaniac had corrupted his bond with pikachu! He begin to feels sorry about how he treat his friends especially Serena. Ash was later apogoized to Serena and his friends and slowly reconcile with each other and discuss how to bring his pikachu back to control. With the combined effort of Serena and his friends, Ash was eventually able to bring his pikachu back to sense.**
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Episode 20: **Those evil Malamar had finally returned to present and attempt to brainwash Ash and Serena once again**, but Clemont used his creation. **Ash and Serena was quickly blows those evil Malamar into ashes but the energy crystals absorbs those evil Malamar's body and activated and quickly defeated all of their pokemon except Pikachu. That energy crystals attempt to shoot laser on Serena and Ash attempt to run in front of that laser to protect Serena**, which results Ash's feelings resonance with pikachu which makes his pikachu utilized that power once again to **create the deadly new move for pikachu: Ragnerok! However, the power of Ragnerok had makes Ash and Pikachu unconscious for a while.**
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\--------------------**Arc 5-Serena's upgrade (21-22)**\--------------------
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**Type:** **Action,** **character building,** **passion,** **emotion**
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**Seeing that Ash unconscious, Serena learned that she need to learn self defense so that she wont end up become damsel in distress when her boyfriend isn't present**
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Epsiode 21: Seeing that Ash end up unconscious for saving her, Serena decided to become stronger so that the same tragic won't happen again. Serena had found Bonnie to train with Bonnie's squishy. Because Serena was never joined the real battle before, Serena was not able to land any single hit on Squishy 10% form even with the combined effort of all her 3 pokemon + having her Delphox , then Serena realized that the only way to makes her stronger battler is to use what she already good at-Pokemon Performer. By using her pokemon performing skills into combat, she was finally able to defeat Squishy's 10% form.
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Episode 22 (WIP): **Serena will get Absol which will helps her in combat and will be used on Contest too**
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\--------------------**Single Pokeshipping chapter (ep 23)**\--------------------
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**Type:** **Story telling, Action**
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**Misty must find the balance between traveling with Ash and her gym.**
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Episode 23: Misty had been tired of her having to do all three jobs from her 3 Irresponsible sisters, which making her leave her gym behind and went to Ash's house. Ash was suprised how Misty would willing to give up her gym for that Meanwhile, Damian hijacked Misty's gym and kidnapped Daisy, Lily, and Violet, to demands Misty in exchange her gym and her sisters. Ash and Misty worked together to defeat Damian and saved all 3. Misty's 3 sisters apogoized for over-reliance the gym operation to Misty alone and promised Misty that they'll become more responsible for their gyms. Misty give her gym back to her sisters and says goodbye to them.
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\--------------------------------------**Planned Future story Arc:**\--------------------------------------
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**~~Pokemon Contest Arc (Mittie vs Serena) or:~~**
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**~~Wallce Cup Arc(May vs Dawn, Chloe vs May, Chloe vs Dawn, Dawn vs Serena) or:~~**
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**~~countine the romance amour with Ash arc:~~** (Should I? But I really suck at writing those)
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\--------------------------------------**Oizys Arc (adopted from** [this one shot](https://www.reddit.com/AmourShipping/comments/139895h/writing_my_amourshipping_one_shot_for_very_first/)**):** \--------------------------------------
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**Type:** **Action,** [Deconstruction Fic](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DeconstructionFic)**,** **drama,** **passion,** **Original Story, Fantasy, Meta**
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***Warning: Starting at this Arc, the typical Amour and even*** ***anime*** ***Pokemon logic will be thrown out the window*** *and replaced with the* ***original plot that you might not asked for!***
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***Warning: This Story Arc features with full of ridiculousness, rather dark story, in-face towards TPC and filled with heavy irony and even fourth wall break etc.*** ***Please watch at your discretion! If you want something closer to Pokemon Anime, skip to*** ***Paldea Arc.***
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**Ash teachs Goh how to take care of Pokemon**, **but Goh's dark side came to manifest as its own entirely separate, physical entity called Oizys, Goh's evil counterpart who is the psychopath pokemon hunter** (a parody of many chinese amourshipping fic features with Goh as antagionist), Goh was paralyzed with fear after witnessing his evil counterpart's cruelty and end up in coma for a while. Oizys steal all Serena's pokemon, all Ash's ace (including his Greninja) and almost managed to steal his pikachu but his pikachu managed to free all of Ash's ace and Serena's pokemon, Ash and Serena got the upper hand and defeats Oizys, but **Ash being posessed by Oizys in front of Serena's eyes** and defeated almost every single Ash's traveling partner, all 7 Pokemon Masters , Gary Oak and Serena. But Serena was eventally managed to free Ash from Oizys control. After defeating Oizys, **Goh finally wake up and learned the harsh lesson about how to take care of his pokemon.**
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\--------------------------------------**gossip Arc (adopted from** [this one shot](https://www.reddit.com/AmourShipping/comments/13g26hu/my_new_one_shot/)**):** \--------------------------------------
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**Type:** [Deconstruction Fic](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DeconstructionFic)**,** **drama,** **Original Story, Break Fourth Wall,** **humor**
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***Warning: Another original plot which full of ridiculousness, filled with heavy irony and even fourth wall break sans Action.*** ***Please watch at your discretion!*** ***If you want something closer to Pokemon Anime, skip to*** ***Paldea Arc.***
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**Ash and Serena must find a way to debunk various of the fake news** (like Liko is Ash and Serena's daughter) that damaging their reputations and free **Liko** from being cyberbullied. In addition, they'll also met Nemona for first time who will later join Ash's team.
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\--------------------------------------**"Shipping War" Arc (adopted from** [This one shot](https://www.reddit.com/AmourShipping/comments/13gz609/what_if_serena_meet_misty/)**):** \--------------------------------------
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***Warning: This Story Arc features with full of ridiculousness, rather dark story, in-face towards TPC and filled with heavy irony and even fourth wall break etc.*** ***Please watch at your discretion! If you want something closer to Pokemon Anime, skip to*** ***Paldea Arc.***
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**Type:** [Deconstruction Fic](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DeconstructionFic)**,** **drama,** **Original Story, Break Fourth Wall,** **humor**
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The giant blue bird **had makes Serena and Misty , all Ash's female travel companion and even all humans in pokemon kills each other** until there's only 1 left **against their will!** Ash was able to free all of his friend before any tragic happens but that **giant blue bird absorbed Serena** and begin to spread all over the world! **The only way to save Serena is to have Ash insert the feelings toward Serena into the water shuriken to open the hole out of Twitter's physical body so that Ash can save Serena.**
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\--------------------------------------**Ash's 10 years old truth Arc Prequel (adopted from** [this](https://www.reddit.com/AmourShipping/comments/13qkp85/kiss_day_special_one_shot/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) [one](https://www.reddit.com/AmourShipping/comments/13rgru6/ash_and_serenas_dream_world_part_12_calem_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) shot\*\*):\*\*--------------------------------------
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**Type:** [Deconstruction Fic](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DeconstructionFic)**,** **drama,** **Original Story, Amour, Break Fourth Wall, romance,** **character building, Action**
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***Warning: Another original plot which full of ridiculousness, rather dark story, in-face towards TPC, filled with heavy irony and even fourth wall break!*** ***Please watch at your discretion!*** ***If you want something closer to Pokemon Anime, skip to*** ***Paldea Arc.***
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**After Ash and Serena discovered the truth about Ash's being cursed with eternal 10 years old which might potentially eventally wipe away his character development and revert him back to the 10 years old stupid dense shell like in Uvona, Ash and Serena got psychological shadow and escape from reality by living in their own dream and refuse to wake up. However, Ash and Serena would eventually overcome their fear and . It'll also features with the cameo appearance of Calem and Game Serena.**
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\--------------------------------------**Paldea Arc:** \--------------------------------------
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**Type: Adventure, Humor,** **amour**
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***Finally the story Arc that closer to Pokemon Anime rather than those edgy fourth wall break meta fic bullshit!***
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**Ash, Serena, Clemont, Bonnie, Misty, Brock, Gary (Should I put Goh and Chloe as well?) will go to Paldea to travel, they'll meet Roy , Liko and Friede for first time and Nemona will join Ash's team. They'll later met Steven and receive the** [Tera Orb](https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Tera_Orb) which allows them to **Terastalize** their pokemon. **Ash will got 2** [new](https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Fuecoco_(Pok%C3%A9mon))) [Pokemon](https://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Charcadet_(Pok%C3%A9mon))) **in this Arc, might consider to give Misty Quaxly** **in this Arc.**
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***Warning: Starting at this Arc, the typical Amour and even*** ***anime*** ***Pokemon logic will be thrown out the window*** *and replaced with the* ***original plot that you might not asked for!***
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\--------------------------------------**Tobias Arc:**\--------------------------------------
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**Type:** [Deconstruction Fic](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DeconstructionFic)**,** **drama,** **Original Story, Amour, Break Fourth Wall, romance, Amour,** **character building, Action**
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***Warning: This Story Arc features with full of ridiculousness, rather dark story, in-face towards TPC and filled with heavy irony and even fourth wall break etc.*** ***Please watch at your discretion!***
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**Tobias was revealed to be the "Ash's dream crusher",** so strong that not even the combined effort of 7 Pokemon Master can stop him! This Arc features with the return and the **final battle against** **Oizys and Damian.**
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\--------------------------------------**Ash's 10 years old Arc:** \--------------------------------------
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**Type:** [Deconstruction Fic](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DeconstructionFic)**,** **Original Story, Amour, Break Fourth Wall, romance,** **Humor**
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***Warning: This Story Arc features with full of ridiculousness, rather dark story, in-face towards TPC and filled with heavy irony and even fourth wall break etc.*** ***Please watch at your discretion!***
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**Last Story Arc where Ash is still 10 years old**
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**Ash finally defeated Tobias, but Ash's 10 years old curse had finally reverted Ash back to the tough dense shell. Ash's friend and Serena must find the way to break that curse to stop Ash from being 10 years old and bring the mature Ash back.**
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\--------------------------------------**Oshi no Ko** **crossoveIdol industry dark truth Arc:**\--------------------------------------
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**Type: crossover,** **drama, Break Fourth Wall, Humor**
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***Warning: This Story Arc features with full of ridiculousness, rather dark story, heavy irony, fourth wall break etc.*** ***Please watch at your discretion!***
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**Ash finally grown up! Serena was being invited to went to Japan for the performance but eventually rejected after she discovered the shocking, ugly truth of the idol industry in Japan. Officer Jenny gives the secret mission for Ash, Team Rocket Trio (served their sentence), Latias and Team Rocket Trio's Ditto will camouflage as Serena, Dawn, May and Chloe to sneak into those idol industry and debunk the dirty act in idol industry in Japan, while the real Serena, Dawn, May and Chloe will** **appeals to her fans all over the world** **to boycott such dirty act in idol industry in Japan.**
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\--------------------------------------**TBA Arc**\--------------------------------------

Previous Chapter Table of Contents
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As we approached the front door, Aunt Freya turned to the dogs and said, “Jax and Apollo, wipe your paws,” in a firm but gentle tone. To my amazement, the two giant dogs obediently raised their massive paws one by one and wiped them on the towel hanging by the door.
Once their paws were clean, Aunt Fraya opened the unlocked door and led us inside. I first noticed how cozy and inviting the house’s interior was. The walls were painted a warm beige color and adorned with various paintings and photographs. The living room had a comfortable-looking couch and armchairs, with a coffee table in the center. It looked almost exactly how I remembered it the last time I was here. The only noticeable difference was the three dog beds by the door, and the pictures were newer, with people I barely recognized.
The dogs escorted us inside, one ahead and one behind me. I got a distinct feeling they didn’t trust me yet. But at least I wasn’t their chew toy.
I heard someone running towards me as I put my bags on the floor beside the coffee table. Suddenly, I felt a pair of thin arms wrap tightly around my waist. For a second, I freaked out, but I looked down and realized it was my cousin Julie! “John! I can’t believe you’re here!” she exclaimed, still holding me tightly.
Somehow shimmying and squirming, I hugged her back, feeling genuinely happy to see her for the first time in years. “Hey Julie, good to see you too. It’s been too long.” I replied, grinning.
After a few more seconds, Julie let go of me and stepped back to look at me, then suddenly punched me in the stomach. “Yeah, cause someone was too busy to visit or gone when we came to visit!” she said, smiling as I rubbed where she punched me.
I couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed at the compliment, but I smiled back nonetheless. “Well, I needed to do those projects...and trips...” I trailed off, realizing I was making excuses. “Anyways, I’m here now, so it’s all good. Where are Jake and your dad?”
As I finished speaking, I heard a voice from around the corner. “Hey there, John! We’re in the dining room!” It was the unmistakable booming voice of my Uncle Paul.
I turned to my aunt, and she said, “Let’s go say hi to everyone.”
Still standing beside me, the dogs seemed to understand her words and began escorting me toward the dining room. Aunt Fraya giggled as she walked ahead while Julie was hanging off my arm. She couldn’t decide if she wanted me to drag her or if she pulled me.
As we walked, I couldn’t help but notice the well-behaved dogs acting like my guards. They walked beside me, occasionally sniffing at my feet or hands but never pulling ahead or breaking stride with Julie and me. I was starting to wonder if they were familiars instead of pets, but my cousins being non-magical would be hard. It was clear that my aunt had put a lot of time and effort into training them.
It wasn’t far to the dining area, and as we rounded the corner, I saw my Uncle Paul sitting at the head of the table with a big grin on his face and my cousin Jake sitting with a frown. “John! Good to see you!” he said as he got up from his chair, walked up to me, and gave me a firm handshake followed by a big hug.
I hugged him back with one arm since Julie didn’t release the other. “It’s good to see you too, Uncle Paul,” I said with a smile.
Letting go of me, Uncle Paul took Julie off me as she protested and turned to Jake, saying, “Don’t be rude, son. Say hi.”
Jake got up and, with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, walked up to me and said in a frigid tone, “Hey, John. Long time no see.”
Uncle Paul shot Jake a disapproving look before turning back to me. “I’m sure you are tired as all. I know I’m always wiped when coming to visit you guys.” Turning to his kids, he said, “Well, come on then, you two go show John to his room.” Turning to me, he added, “The guest bedroom is all set up for you. Feel free to stay as long as you want,” gesturing for us to follow.
I followed Jake and Julie, but then I remembered forgetting my bags. I told my cousins, “Hang on!” and walked quickly to where I left the backpack, bag, and the box Dad gave to give to Aunt Freya. I heard hurried paw steps behind me as I grabbed them and returned to my aunt. “Here you go. Dad asked me to pass this along for you.”
Aunt Fraya responded with a pleasant smile, “Thank you, dear. You have some time before dinner, so rest up a bit. I’ll call up when food is on the table.” I nodded and walked quickly to catch up to my cousins waiting at the stairs.
As we walked towards the guest bedroom, I couldn’t help but notice the dogs walking alongside us again as if they were our escorts. It was both amusing and worrisome at the same time. I was starting to feel like the dogs didn’t trust me. I will just need to try to buy some treats and bribe them.
Once we arrived at the guest bedroom, Jake stood by the door as Julie excitedly started chattering and pointing out all the little details that she and Aunt Fraya had worked on to make the room comfortable for me. “And here’s your extra blankets. The door locks cause the dogs like to roam sometimes, and here’s the WiFi password,” she said, handing me a slip of paper.
I looked confused at the paper. “WiFi? What’s that?”
Jake laughed for the first time. “You are practically an alien in this world. This is going to be amusing.”
I felt hurt, but I was glad we had something to discuss. “Yeah, I really am. But that’s kinda the point of this experience.”
Julie asked to hang on for a min and slipped out of the room, the dogs parting just wide enough for her to slip past them in the doorway.
I looked at Jake. “Dude, come on. We grew up together. What’s up?”
He sighed, took a few steps to the bed, and plopped on it, leaning against the wall, feet dangling over the edge. “We did, but recently I realized just how different we are. It makes it hard to be comfortable with someone always so loaded for bear.”
I looked confused at him and put my bag and backpack on the bed next to him. “What do you mean.” as I sat on the chair.
He sighed. “I mean magic. You are from a world of power, and I’m from a world of Mundane.”
I scrunched my nose. “Don’t say that. It’s not nice. And I would never do anything to hurt you or Julie or your parents.” I glanced at the dogs in the door, wondering if I should extend my promise.
Jake smiled softly. “Yeah, I’m sure not on purpose.” He paused and frowned. “But to be honest, my college rejection letter also came today. And I was sure I could get into my first choice and didn’t bother applying elsewhere.”
I looked confused at him, but Julie tore back into the room before I could respond, somehow slipping between the two dogs. “Had to steal mom’s phone. I’ll explain what WiFi is, you Luddite.”
“Hey, be nice! Don’t call him names!” Jake yelled at Julie.
“I don’t know what that is, so I’m not offended.” I shrugged.
“I don’t know either, but it would fit.” Julie chirped as she sat next to John on the bed. “WiFi is what you use to access the internet.”
I pulled my own phone out. “Oh, how do I do that?”
Julie froze. “Well, now I must go slip this before I get caught.”
From somewhere in the house, Aunt Freya’s voice, “JULIE ARIEL SMITH! Give me back my phone!”
Julie looked worried as she tore out of the room through the parting dogs to the roaring laughter from Jake and me. After laughing, I said, “I’m not sure what that means about college rejection, but I’m sorry you are going through that. I just want things to be as normal as we can. Like we were when we were kids.”
Jake briefly looked at the ceiling, thinking, “Nothing changed. And I’ll figure something out eventually about college. For now, let’s just have fun.” With a smile, he got up and said, “I’ll give you some breathing room as you settle in. Let’s catch up when we get time sometime.”
After Jake left, I waited a second to see if the dogs would go. Instead, they lay down, blocking the doorway in a way that would make me move them to leave. I sighed and turned to the bags on the bed.
I unpacked my backpack and bag, placing my clothes in the drawers. They were dimensional bags as well. So I could bring everything I could need, so I only unpacked what I would need for the next week or so. I noticed the dresser was empty except for a few spare blankets and pillows at the bottom, so I took the opportunity to spread out my clothes and organize them.
I left most of my magical equipment in the backpack. I wouldn’t need anything but my wand, the summing bracelet still on my right hand. The only thing I took out was the scroll my parents gifted me. I put it on the table, admiring the intricate design and the fine craftsmanship. I was sure they had spent much money on it, so I wanted to take care of it. Not that these were very delicate, but still.
Next, I took out the gifts I had brought for my cousins from my bag. I hid them in the drawer on the table, so they would be a surprise for later. I wanted to wrap them into something, but I would have to give them as is.
I decided to check out the rest of the room. I went to the dresser and pulled open the top drawer, which was empty like the others. Looking around the room were several pictures and paintings. What was surprising to me was that they were very still.
Curious, I turned to the two doors in the room. One was clearly a closet, and that’s the first one I walked up to and pulled open. It was a good size, with plenty of space to hang clothes and store shoes. I put my backpack and bag in there to ensure they stayed out of the way.
I then turned my attention to the other door. I opened it slowly, unsure of what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised to find a clean, well-maintained bathroom with a shower, sink, and toilet. The towels hanging on the rack smelled fresh. I vaguely remembered how to use this shower from the last time, and I hope it won’t be a problem.
Feeling satisfied with my new living quarters, I returned to the desk and sat down. This seemed like the perfect time to tell my parents I was safe and at my Aunts house.
I pulled my old scroll from my pocket. It was much simpler than the new one my parents had given me and was meant more for local communication. It wouldn’t have a powerful spell circle to reach my parents or friends. But it did have all the imprints and contacts from them.
I conjured the wand and pointed it at the new scroll on the table. Using the transfer spell, I could transfer my friends’ imprints from the old scroll to the new one. All three items glowed pale, and it only took a moment. Soon I saw their names appear on the new scroll, indicating they were successfully added.
As I was admiring my handiwork and ensuring that every name I wanted was transferred, I suddenly heard a voice next to me. “Was that... magic?” Julie’s voice made me jump up in my seat, my heart racing, my hand shaking holding the wand, sweat beading on my brow. She was maybe 2 feet away from him, standing just outside my field of view.
At my threatening gesture, the dogs in the doorway growled. But Julie looked at them and said, “Shush.” they did.
I steadied my breathing and said, “Yeah. I didn’t get a chance to transfer information from my old scroll to my new one.”
She pointed at my hand. “Is that a wand? Can I hold it?”
I breathed and willed the wand back into storage. “Not right now. Maybe a bit later. I can show you some tricks and magic.”
She looked disappointed but said, “Okay.” Walked over to the bed and sat down. “Mind if I hang out here for a bit?”
I shrugged. “Do you mind if I write a quick letter without distractions?” She nodded, so I sat at the table, folded the old scroll, and put it aside. I moved the new scroll closer to myself, used the quill that was part of the package, and selected my parent’s imprints.
I concentrated on the quill and started writing the letter to my parents. Since this was my first time, the quill took a few tries to obey me. In glowing letters on the scroll, I wrote about how I was safe at my aunt’s place and succeeded in making it there. I also mentioned that I had transferred the imprints of my friends onto the new scroll and that I was going to try to contact them soon. And reminded them that they could always reach out.
As I finished the letter, I read it over to ensure it said everything I wanted. Satisfied, I closed my eyes and focused my energy on the sending spell. After a second, I opened my eyes as the words on the scroll lifted off the page and folded into an owl.
The owl flew straight through the wall and into the night sky, heading towards the enclave where my aunt picked me up from, which must be the nearest relay to here.
“Wow. That’s so cool.” Julie whispered from the bed, and I turned just in time to see her cover her mouth.
I smiled and said, “Yeah, magic is pretty cool. But so is your technology. I’m going to need all your help to figure it out.” And I pulled out my phone.
She looked excited. “Oh, of course, your sensei will teach you everything.” But before she could do anything, I heard a high-pitched barking bounding down the hall outside my room.
Then a tiny fur ball jumped over the two dogs and bound towards me with the fury of a starved hellhound ready to eat. I conjured my wand, but fore I could do anything or the little hellion reached me, Julie nimbly plucked him mid-jump and held him like a baby on its back. The little beat instantly calmed down and let out a happy little whine of pleasure. The two dogs in the doorway growled their disapproval.
Julie whispered, “It’s okay. He’s a friend. No eating, my cousin.” Holding him out towards me, she said, “Sparky. Say high to John.”
Sparky wasn’t convinced of my status in the family and gave a menacing high-pitched bark and a growl. However, she stopped when Julie brought him close to herself and smacked him in the nose softly. “No!” She held him out, and this time he let out an almost friendly bark.
“Nice to meet you, Sparky,” I said, not letting go of my wand.
I breathed a sigh of relief as she brought Sparky close to herself. Sparky licked her face, and Julie giggled. I was horrified for a moment when she let him down. He landed softly on his tiny feet, made a circle, and then turned to me. For a second, I thought he would attack me and prepared to defend myself, but I had Nothing to worry about. He walked up to me, sniffed my feet, then pranced back to Julie, tongue lolling and tail wagging.
Julie laughed as she stroked Sparky’s fur. “Don’t worry, he’s harmless. He just loves to bark.”
I chuckled and replied, “Well, I’m glad to hear that. He’s pretty cute, actually. When he’s not acting like an angry furry volleyball of doom.”
Julie smiled and said, “Yeah, he’s my little buddy. He’s been with me since I was a kid. Well, I guess like 4 years now or so.” Looking at me, she asked, “Do you have any pets?”
I shook my head. “No. My parents have familiars. But when I wanted a pet, my parents told me I was immature. Then when I was mature, I didn’t have time. When I have more time, I’ll probably get a pet.”
She thought momentarily and said, “I know your mom has the owl cat. And your dad has a giant three-headed dog. I guess I was expecting you to have at least something. Maybe a cat or a dog. Or maybe something more exotic like a dragon.”
My eyebrows shot up. “A dragon? That would be cool, but they’re pretty dangerous and, you know, illegal. They are very endangered. I mean, I guess a petite dragon would be an option. But they are a lot of work.”
She looked convinced. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Maybe you should stick with a cat or a dog, for starters.”
I laughed and glanced at the dogs in the doorway who were sitting at attention. I looked back at Julie and realized her eyes were fixed on the wand in my hand. I could see a mix of curiosity and fear in them. With a jolt, I remembered what Jake had said earlier about magic being power. I started to feel self-conscious and put the wand in storage again with a small flash of magic. Julie blinked hard and looked away.
I looked at Julie with concern as she picked up Sparky, held him close, and took a deep breath. “What’s wrong?” I asked gently, noticing the nervousness in her body language. I had no idea what I did to scare her like this.
She hesitated for a moment, looking down at Sparky on her lap. She patted him for an uncomfortably long silence before finally whispering, “I don’t know how to ask this, but... can I do magic?” Her question caught me off guard, and I wasn’t sure how to respond. She looked up at me, and I could see the fear and uncertainty in her eyes, and I wanted to reassure her.
But I couldn’t.
I took a deep breath. This was going to be a delicate conversation. I had to break the news gently. “Julie, I’m sorry to say this, but only those born with magic can use it,” I said, my voice low and even. “There are two species of humans. One with magic and one without. You know how there are different kinds of dogs?” After she nodded, I continued, “There are a few different kinds of humans as well.”
Julie’s face didn’t change. “So, I can’t do magic? You are sure?” she asked, her voice quivering.
I shook my head. “I’m afraid not,” I said, trying to sound sympathetic. “It’s just the way things are. But don’t worry, you can still do plenty of amazing things without magic.”
She looked like she was about to say something else, but we heard a voice from the door before she did. “John, food is ready.” Turning, I saw Aunt Freya. “Julie, don’t forget to wash your hands before coming to the dinner table.”
Julie didn’t say anything but turned with a smile to her mom. I got a bit of whiplash from her emotional swings but didn’t say anything. She dropped Sparky to the floor and walked out the door. She paused at the door and said, “Let’s talk later.”
The big dogs parted to let her through but moved back together. Sparky walked up to the dogs, barked shortly and jumped over the big dogs, and followed Julie.
I grabbed the gifts from the drawer I hid them in and decided to just give them as is. I walked to the door, but the dogs didn’t budge. After a second, I cleared my throat and said, “Excuse me?”
The dogs looked lazily at me but didn’t leave. I heard Aunt Fray’s voice from somewhere in the house. “Jax, Apollo, leave John alone. He’s a friend.”
The dogs growled, got up, and trotted away from the door.
I said, “Thank You,” and walked behind them, letting them lead me to the dining room.
​
Previous Chapter Table of Contents

Mi "Yammers" Hongwei is a Chinese caster from China. He is considered as one of the best Chinese stream commentator. His liquipedia link: Yammers - Liquipedia Dota 2 Wiki
Here is his weibo(kind like facebook). Translated by google translate.
This is a scheduled Weibo. After all these years, I still can’t let go of the hatred in my heart, and I can’t reconcile with myself. I also know that I’m sorry for many people. It’s all because of me. Let’s end it.
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I was born in a small city in Hebei in 1997, in a family compound, in an ordinary worker's family. My father is a veteran, after retiring transferred to work in China Railway, and then settled here. My mother is from Hubei. After coming here with my sister, she married my father through introduction. Both of them had a failed marriage before, which was also a failure. Then there was me in the second year of marriage.
As far as I can remember, I lived with my mother most of the time when I was a child, and my father was on the construction site all year round because of the project, which also caused me to spend very little time with my father in my childhood. In addition, my father has a withdrawn personality, has a strange temper, and doesn’t talk to me much. We only meet once a year or once every two years, so when I was very young, I always asked my mother when my father would come back. I was able to see it during the Chinese New Year, and I kept talking non-stop, and he basically replied perfunctorily, that I basically didn't get any fatherly love.
Living in this family compound, there are so many children, logically speaking, childhood should be very happy, but for me, this is all a nightmare and pain. I was particularly impressed by the adults in the yard. When I was very young, they looked at me differently. Many parents would not let their children play with me. At first I thought it was because our family conditions were not good, or I'm a little naughty, and I will know the reason when I grow up, and I will talk about it later. After several twists and turns, I still integrated into the circle of children of the same age. Although I still suffered from some bullying occasionally, it didn’t matter anymore. The most painful memory for me should be the thing of being bullied by boys older than me. At that time, I was still in kindergarten, and those children were already junior high school students. That summer, when I came out from home and ate strawberries, I was seen by several older children. They held imitation gun toys and told me to play, and pushed me into an abandoned apartment building. Four or five people held my hand. My limbs poured urine on me, opened my mouth on the spot, and kept urinating. Then I ran home crying and vomiting all the way. Another time, it was also three or four people who dragged me to the corner of the compound to make me suck their cock. That time I didn't give in, and the crying attracted the adults, so I gave up. When I grew up, I realized that it was not only me who was bullied, but also a girl of my age. It was hard to imagine what she would go through. Moreover, many of these older children are children of leaders, born in powerful families, but they are really beasts. I will never forget this memory.
As time goes by, it's time for me to go to elementary school, because my comprehension ability may be worse than that of children of the same age. In addition, when I was young, I was inattentive and a little hyperactive. My first test in the first grade was very poor. I remember that the earliest subjects at that time were only Chinese and mathematics. Many children got full marks. But for me, one of them just passed and the other failed. When I got home, I was scolded and beaten. That was the first time I started to resist learning from the bottom of my heart. I said that I really didn't understand...I didn't learn...My mother just thought that I didn't pay attention to the class, and my parents had a very low level of education, especially me. Mom, she can't help me. Later, I spent money on cram school, and my grades in the second and third grades were slightly better. Grades 4, 5 and 6 my head teacher changes, and at this time some children began to collect protection fees, and they would fight you if you didn’t pay. After that, the frequency of my fights became more and more frequent. I was called to the office and framed. I was stupid, I was bad at defending myself, the teacher didn't believe me, and I was the one who was beaten and punished in the end. The school teachers in small cities punished people really outrageously, really beat them, slapped their mouths, whipped people with soft pencils, and beat them with sticks. It was also at that time, my grades were mediocre at that time, I started to get tired of studying, I didn't want to go to school, I didn't want to go to school, I started to pretend to be sick, and skipped classes. Completely tired of studying, it should be an incident in the sixth grade. The door lock in the class was broken by someone. I happened to be cleaning after school. A few students fought and broke the door lock. Then I ran to tell the teacher , I broke it, and they testified to each other, the teacher didn’t believe what I said, in front of so many teachers in the office, they kept hitting my palms with soft pencils, and they were all smashed, let me admit it quickly, I was really at that time Knowing what it means to be tortured into a trick, in the end I really couldn't stand the pain and admitted it. I also bought a new lock for the class to change. I never wanted to go to school at that time. Some people will ask why you didn't tell your mother, because of the academic performance, I have already separated from my mother. At this time, in the eyes of my relatives and family members, I am already a poor student and a bad boy. If I don't study hard, I will secretly go online. , I don't care anymore, I don't want to say anything to them.
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After entering junior high school, our class teachers in the first and second grades were all physical education teachers. In addition, my previous elementary school foundation was not well established, and I continued to be tired of studying in junior high school, chatting and fighting in class all day long. The first two years were spent with corporal punishment education and parents. This period was also my rebellious period. My father also transferred back from work, and my parents quarreled all day long. This is true. Every day, all the time, we are arguing, really all the time. The sound insulation of the old-fashioned buildings is very poor. The sound of our family’s quarrel can be heard in the whole courtyard. In addition to my school’s affairs, I also have endless quarrels with my family. On the one hand, I don't want to go home, and I'm already a little depressed. During that time, I skipped classes and played dota online, all night long. Went to sleep at school the next day. Later, it was also during this period that I knew, a thing that broke me down. Let’s not talk about how I know, I know that I was not born to my parents, but the illegitimate child of relatives, and then they found my father as a successor in order to cover up their mistakes, and I was born soon after the second year of marriage. , This is also the reason why the children in the yard have been bullying me since I was a child, and the adults looked at me strangely and refused to let their children play with me. I really broke down at that moment, and it was at that time that I suffered from depression. I became more and more disgusted with myself, and I hated my family more and more. At that time, I really didn’t want to live anymore. One day in the second semester of the second year of junior high school, I bought sleeping pills. At that time, the regulations on sleeping pills were not as strict as they are now. I committed suicide, but didn't eat enough to die. Later, the teacher came to our house for a home visit and asked me why, but I didn't say anything, I just said that I was not happy and that my life was meaningless. The head teacher is probably also afraid of taking responsibility. After that, all the teachers’ attitudes towards me have changed. At least they never bothered me when I slept in class, hhhh.
After entering the third year of junior high school, except for the change of the head teacher, the teachers of other subjects did not change. At this time, I met, the second good teacher in my life. The first one was Teacher Cai in the first three grades of elementary school. The teacher's surname is Tian. He is our chemistry teacher. It may also be because of my second year of junior high school... I can't control my emotions when I write here. After he took over our class, he talked to the students one by one. He was the first and only teacher who said he wanted to be my friend, he always encouraged me, he said you are no worse than anyone else, you have to be confident. In the third year of junior high school, my depression eased a lot, and I also studied hard for a year, but because I had left too much behind, I couldn't even catch up. In the end, I still failed the high school entrance examination, and then left home to study in Shijiazhuang. I don't want to continue living in this city either. I don't want to go back to this home.
The three years of studying and living in Shijiazhuang were one of the few happy times in my life, and my depression rarely broke out. Brand new environment + brand new friends and classmates, I am actively studying, I joined the student union and became a minister. Basketball + exercise + dota I have a very fulfilling overall life. The only legacy is the first official love in my life in the last stage of the semester, and I was cuckolded. I didn't have a relationship for the next five years.
After graduating, I went to China Railway for an internship, and I happened to stay in Shijiazhuang. At that time, Shijiazhuang was repairing the subway. I happened to be studying surveying, so I stayed. Maybe the first time I entered the society to work, many things broke my cognition. Hypocrisy and flattery in the workplace, intrigue among colleagues, false reporting of data, cutting corners by construction units, project managers who have families behind their backs to find mistresses... This world is really different from what I imagined. I was very serious in the first half of the year. In the next six months, I was thinking about what I wanted to do, and basically I didn't have any enthusiasm for work. Later, I resigned directly when I was working on the project I was working on. Leaving Shijiazhuang. Do a commentator.
My depression broke out completely in mid-March 2019, and my father passed away due to illness. I was tortured by the disease for nearly several months, and finally passed away in pain. In the last few days, I have been by his side. Looking at him, thinking back on his life, two failed marriages, being bullied by others in the workplace, and finally being tortured to death by illness. After the funeral, I went back to my rented house in Shanghai in April. During that time, I talked to myself all night in the room, banging my head against the wall in pain. I looked in the mirror every day, and I was disgusted when I saw myself in the mirror. The more I grow up, the more I look like my biological father. I can’t count how many times I have smoked myself in the mirror. This state has continued until the last two or three days. I laughed out of control and said to myself, I really can't do it. In recent years, I have started to squander money to fill the void in my heart. I can't find the meaning of life, and I can't reconcile myself with the past. Many people have said to me, you are not to blame for this matter, don't blame yourself for other people's faults, you have to live your own life. You could also say it's my excuse to escape from real life, a weak, useless piece of shit. whatever. Without me, there wouldn’t be this, this family that shouldn’t be there, and there wouldn’t be so many things that shouldn’t be there. This family came into existence because of me, and today I killed myself, and it ends with me. Everything was wrong from the beginning, and now this mistake can be corrected. My own inner pain can finally be over, and I leave today with a smile on my face. Many people die and are born every second in this world, without me, this world will not lack anything. I don't want to come to this world in my next life. I also hope that you will not create a tragic family for your own selfish desires or to cover up your mistakes in the future. Dota2_Yammers
Please forgive my selfishness and cowardice, and please understand my pain and struggle. goodbye
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I don't want to comment too much, just want to tell the story of a poor man, a dota lover. Hope dota brings him more happiness in his life. He has a famous voice line, which content is "再见了宝贝”, means "goodbye baby". I don't know if valve can do anything to make it a memorial.
R.I.P.