Les schwab tire center

This is Part 2 because of the character limit, go here to get caught up: https://www.reddit.com/TheDarkGathering/comments/13urkbj/the_thing_in_the_cracks_part_1/
Talbot awoke in a round corridor. At least he thought that’s what it was. The corridor seemed to be made of dark stone, rough and ridged like a worm’s tunnel, but on a massive scale. Despite no visible light source, Talbot found he could make out every detail in the space around him.
Talbot shakily stood up and considered his situation. His hands were shaking. He supposed nearly getting killed by lethal injection and then shattering the very fabric of reality itself took a toll on the psyche. He reflexively reached for his notebook to note that down, and with a pang remembered that it was gone. He would likely never see it again.
Glancing around, Talbot wondered at how normal everything looked, considering he was in the fifth dimension. There was likely more going on under the surface, but from his vantage it just looked like an oddly lit cave.
Talbot noted that there was no sign of Willis. He’d distinctly remembered the other man getting pulled through time and space with him, but at some point during the traversal his hand had been wrenched away from Talbot’s wrist. Had he been shunted back to their reality, or was he here somewhere?
A deep rumble began to grow beneath Talbot’s feet. The entire cave shook like an earthquake as Talbot scrambled to the side of the tube.
Confused, the man glanced around. He saw no probable cause for the rumbling, no subterranean vehicles or even geological fissures that could explain the vibrations.
Turning, he realized with a start that the rumbling was slightly stronger on one side of him. If it was directional, there was an actual source, not just a general shaking of the environment.
Talbot began moving away from the rumbling, as it continued to grow stronger.
Eventually, he broke into a full run as everything around him shook. He felt like his skull was going to burst. It felt like something was chasing him, a massive subterranean beast.
As the rumbling kept growing, Talbot tripped. Out of nowhere, his foot slipped and he sprawled to the ground, crying out as he landed on his arm. He tried to get back up, which was when he realized there was something right behind him.
Talbot hit the deck, right as something zoomed directly above his head. Wind pulled at his hair and it felt like he was directly under a train.
Talbot screamed, but it was drowned out by the impossibly loud whoosh of the thing above him. He gingerly flipped onto his back, barely staying clear of the surface of whatever was making the sound, in order to see what was above him.
There was nothing but empty space.
Then, he could suddenly see a long gray tube rushing past impossibly quickly. Then it was gone again, but the rushing was still there. It was blinking in and out of existence, only appearing for short bursts, but still there in its invisible state. Talbot realized that it must be dipping in and out of the Fifth Dimension, his own limited perception unable to comprehend its greater state.
Eventually, the thing slowed and stopped. As it was still, Talbot got a better look at it.
It was definitely organic. The exterior of the tube had a pale gray color, with a texture not unlike skin. However, as opposed to the neat, even lines separating cells on human skin, the striations on the thing seemed almost random, forming a surface that, although smooth, had the jagged impression of rough crags.
As Talbot examined the thing and wished he’d brought a camera, he heard something. From the object’s direction of origin, a deep groan emanated from lord-knew-where. Talbot winced as it hit his ears, the bellow deafening. He could immediately detect three things about the cry, judging by the cadence and the way it had slowly grown from an origin point. First, it definitely came from a living thing. Nothing artificial made that noise. Second, it came from very far away. And thirdly, it came from something massive. Impossibly so.
From the other direction, so comparably quiet he barely heard, Talbot made out a shriek that was horribly human.
The thing above him shifted and despite having almost a foot of clearance, Talbot instinctively sucked in his gut.
The tube… the limb began moving in the opposite direction, back towards its origin point.
Like a train, it started slowly but accelerated quickly, beginning to blink in and out of Talbot’s vision once again.
Talbot heard the scream again, closer this time. It seemed likely that whatever this thing was had found and grabbed another person.
After several long moments, the end of the limb finally reached Talbot, shooting past and above him like a tape measure shooting back into its shell when a button was pressed.
After it passed, Talbot sprang to his feet and finally got a good look at the end of the thing’s limb. The actual tube rounded off, dispelling any predictions about a monstrous tentacle. However, what was on the end of the limb may’ve been even more horrible.
Four long finger-like appendages were arranged around the limb radially, each one emerging from the edge of the flat tendril end. They were unnaturally thin, and despite somewhat resembling fingers, they had no visible knuckles and were tipped with sharp claws that appeared to be made of bone. They bent in, each holding their prey in place. Their prey in question was Tim Willis, currently pulling against the monstrous cage. The four outer digits pressed on each of his limbs, drawing blood where they poked him.
The limb, and Willis with it, disappeared around a bend in the tunnel. Talbot ran after it. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do, or if he was going to save the man, but he knew that no matter what happened, he wanted to see it.
For a long while Talbot chased the thing, barely keeping pace due to his cardio experience. During the run, whatever existed here continued bellowing, getting louder each time. In addition, each time he set his foot down, the ground felt slightly warmer.
Eventually he fell back, and lost sight of the thing completely. It was impressive that a man of his age and lifestyle had managed to follow the thing for so long, but he had to take a knee as exhaustion racked him. He continued following its path, but at a slower pace.
Eventually Talbot emerged into a much larger chamber. The air here was blistering, and the intermittent bellows had grown so loud that Talbot had to cover his ears every few minutes to keep from suffering permanent damage.
This cavern left him speechless.
Unlike the passage, with its unidentifiable neutral lighting, this cavern was dark, intermittently lit by what appeared to be giant glowworms, each perched on a rock surface and oozing an ugly orange aura into the space around it.
Less than half of the room was lit, but it was enough for Talbot to see that the remaining more-than-half was taken up by a monstrous… thing the same shade as the limb.
It was like a spider, in the same way that a massive dragonfish from the bottom of the sea is like a goldfish. Its main body was shaped like a blimp, and about the size of one too. A large abdomen sagged beneath it as it hung in the exact center of the room, and eight radially symmetrical limbs stuck to eight points around the cavern, suspending it in the middle of the room, and making it look like the center of a giant wheel, each limb serving as the spokes.
This facsimile was somewhat broken by the auxiliary limbs attached to its thorax, countless smaller tendrils identical to the one that held Willis. Some hovered around the thing’s ‘face’, while others darted towards countless holes in the rock around the cavern. As they moved, they blinked in and out of Talbot’s vision as they tapped into primordial forces beyond his eyes.
The cavern was dotted with holes, all exactly the same size and shape as the one Talbot stood in the lip of now. He realized that this thing and its countless appendages must’ve bored into the stone around it, creating a labyrinthine lair not dissimilar to an ant’s hive, but with one crucial difference. Rather than hundreds of tiny workers, this entire place had been built by, and for, one monstrous being.
Talbot was so stunned by the beast that he didn’t notice one of its many tendrils coming straight for him.
It appeared directly in front of his face, resulting in a jumpscare that sent him tumbling backwards, falling onto his back.
The thing moved like a snake, if a snake was constantly flipping between visible and invisible.
It struck, speeding downwards towards the chemist. Talbot braced for impact, but just before it could hit him it disappeared.
Talbot sat relieved, as it had apparently teleported somewhere else.
That was until it reappeared with the fingers around his torso.
The tendril had re-manifested just past him, the fingers clipping partway into the floor as they cradled him. Talbot felt four small pricks in his back and the backs of his thighs, where the claws had pierced his flesh.
The thing pulled him upwards, the fingers embedded in the ground breaking out of the stone beneath him and sending chunks of rock several feet in all directions.
The tendril shot up towards the ceiling of the cavern, rising what must’ve been 60 feet in half a second. Talbot could barely see the ground around the tendril, far enough below to dizzy him.
Talbot saw stars.
Talbot wished he could see the stars.
The tendril took him, in a daze, towards the thing’s face. As Talbot grew closer, he heard a ragged hissing, like an oxygen tank leaking. He realized it was the monster breathing, but immediately was unsure once its head turned toward him.
Its head was roughly human-shaped, but utterly inhuman in every other way. Five dark pits, facsimiles of eyes, were arranged in a pentagonal shape on the top half of its face. The bottom half was flat skin, but flat skin that seemed to be vertically stretched, as though it’d been draped over some opening. That was possibly where the breathing was coming from, but there was no way to tell with no actually apparent orifice.
The thing seemed to sniff Talbot, despite having no nose. Then it turned, and brought another piece of potential food to its head.
With a start, Talbot realized Willis was still alive. Or at least, unconsumed. He hung limp from his tendril, held in place by the finger-things and seemingly unconscious.
But the Thing wasn’t interested in either of them, not yet at least. It brought one of its tendrils up to its head before plunging it directly toward a nearby rock face. Right before it made contact, it disappeared.
Talbot reached towards Willis, but he was just outside of his reach. He didn’t want to yell to the man. The thing had no ears, but there was no guarantee that it couldn’t hear somehow.
The tendril that the thing had sent away reappeared, seemingly partially buried in the rock face. The thing wrenched its tendril from the rock, leaving behind a shallow pockmark in the cave.
Skewered on the spine was a small man. He flailed wildly and screamed something in a language Talbot didn’t know. He was wearing a business suit, but his pants were around his ankles, with baby blue boxers underneath.
Talbot wondered where he’d come from, then realized with a start that he’d likely originated from the real world. Meaning that this thing could reach beyond this reality and into their reality. Oh shit. Maybe he should’ve listened to Talc. If he and Willis hadn’t breached the Fifth Dimension, maybe the thing couldn’t’ve done the same, and this man might still be safe out there.
The thing brought the man towards its face and did the strange sniffing motion again. Satisfied, it brought him even closer. Talbot, despite himself, was curious to see how it consumed prey, and so paused in his attempts to wake Willis in order to watch.
The man screamed as the tendril brought him right up to the thing’s face, and then the thing’s face disappeared, moving through the Fifth Dimension in the same way as its tendrils.
When it reappeared, it was halfway inside the man, the smooth layer of skin clipped through his abdomen.
The thing pulled its head back.
Talbot turned away as a bloodcurdling scream and a terrible ripping sound reverberated through the cavern. He reached for Willis again, and to his surprise, found that he could reach him. He tapped him on the shoulder, and when he got no response, he slapped him in the face. Willis stirred, and slowly opened his eyes. He put a hand to his face and frowned. “Ow,” he said quietly.
Talbot put a finger to his lips and indicated the beast’s head with his eyes, and the gruesome consumption of the poor man.
Willis seemed to get the message. He quietly started prying each finger off of his body, praying that the thing had no nerves in the spines.
Talbot turned back towards the creature, which had repeated the teleportation maneuver a few more times before finally swallowing what remained of the man. Seemingly not quite satiated, Talbot’s tendril began to move as it pulled him closer to its face.
Talbot’s eyes widened and he looked back at Willis in fear. The man made a motion that suggested Talbot should try to stay calm, and that Willis would be along as soon as he’d freed himself.
Talbot tensed as he was pulled along, not wanting to be brought any closer to the monster. The thing brought him up to its face, and seemed to study him with the light-sensitive divots in its face. Talbot glanced back at Willis to see that he’d moved 2 of 4 fingers out of place. The larger man shot him a reassuring nod.
Turning back to the monster, Talbot realized that the other man wouldn’t get here in time. The thing was already lunging its head forward, and it blinked away.
It reappeared with Talbot’s shins inside its face. Behind the skin, Talbot’s feet could feel a damp cavity, so there was presumably a mouth of some sort behind the surface, and it wasn’t just solid flesh. A row of teeth closed around his legs, but not hard. They worked more to keep him in place than to actually damage his legs.
Talbot took a second to wonder why the hell he was considering the consumption mechanics of something that was actively chopping off his legs.
The tendril moved backwards, pulling Talbot away from the thing.
These last few lucid seconds, Talbot’s brain reverted to factory reset settings. Instead of hearing the wet tear of both his legs, or the strangely cartoonish wet pop as the bones in both his shins were yanked away from his kneecaps, he found himself focusing on the strangest things.
Talbot considered the glowworms. Were they native to the Fifth Dimension, or had they come here from his, or another, Earth? If they were native, the convergent evolution with Earth glowworms, especially in an environment so alien, was coincidental to an unfathomable degree. If they had originated from Earth, however, why the orange glow? No glow worms on Earth glowed orange. Also, if they were Earthly, why did the thing not eat them? Did it only eat humans? Was it that cunning? That cruel?
Oh, Talbot realized, I’m falling.
He blacked out before hitting the ground.
Talbot’s first thought upon waking up was, Holy shit, I’m still alive. His second thought was, Holy shit, how the hell am I still alive?
His inner ear told him he was prone, but it’d been on the fritz ever since he’d arrived, so he opened his eyes to make sure. They confirmed what his ear was saying, and he took a quick second to thank all his organs for functioning so well under stress.
Willis sat next to him, notably more intact. He was wearing no shirt, and both his abdomen wound and Talbot’s stubs were bound in the fabric of an Anderson Innovations janitor’s uniform.
Talbot started staring at his abs, which caused Willis to glance down at him.
The other man cleared his throat. “Oh, you’re still alive?”
Talbot nodded softly. “Does it not know where we are?”
“Not yet,” Willis shrugged, “It has no eyes and didn’t see us escape, so it’s sending out tendrils through each passage, and hasn’t picked this one yet. I guess we got lucky when I dragged you in here.”
“Yeah. Why is that, by the way? You were just about to kill me before I trapped you in a hellish cave dimension.” He considered his words. “Which would only be more reason to kill me.”
Willis shook his head and chuckled tiredly. “Call me an idealist, but I didn’t join a group called the Agency for the Preservation of Humanity to kill people. I’m not good at holding grudges.”
“Then why were you gonna kill me when we were still out there?”
“It’s different. I had orders. Now Talc isn’t here, so it’s my decision. The real question is how are you still alive even with my intervention?”
Talbot shrugged, which made him dizzy. “ I’m on my way out. That blood loss will kill me in a couple minutes, if that thing doesn’t find us first.”
Talbot glanced around the environment for the first time, and realized they were once again in one of the small side tubes. Loud bellowing filled the air as the thing presumably scoured its domain for the two men.
“Well, at least our sacrifice will save the rest of humanity.” Willis proclaimed.
Talbot chortled.
“What?” Willis responded.
“Didn’t you see the other guy get eaten?”
“What?! There was another guy?!”
“Yeah, it stole him from our world.”
“Goddammit Talbot, Talc said that would happen!”
“Yeah, sorry about that.” Talbot said, in a tone that didn’t sound very sorry.
“At least it was just once. Talc has your notes, so he’ll keep it from happening again.”
Talbot almost guffawed.
“Goddammit, what am I doing that’s so funny?!”
“No, it’s not you. Well, it is you, a little, but it’s mostly the fact that I… may’ve doomed humanity anyway.”
Willis was silent, which Talbot regrettably took as a prompt to continue.
“Cause you see,” the scientist slurred, getting more light-headed by the second, “before I tried to ship off the notebook to Johnson, I ripped out the most important parts and sent ‘em to Vincent Anderson, my boss.”
Willis remained silent.
“So, you know. Hopefully someone publishes that in a journal somewhere so that people can actually remember me.”
Willis punched him in the face, hard.
Once he recovered, Talbot nodded. Blood ran from his nose. “I deserved that. I’m sorry, I didn’t know that learning how to break reality would allow a Great Old One to start eating people.”
Willis shook his head in disgust. “Talc told you not to. Do you really think your legacy is more important than the survival of our species?”
Talbot didn’t respond. Whether it was because he was speechless or dead was unclear, and didn’t really matter in any case.
Willis turned and limped away.
Two days after Willis and Talbot disappeared to the Fifth Dimension, Talc said goodbye to… himself and Willis-2, and used a Seal of Traversal to return to his native dimension. He reported to his boss that Willis was gone and would not be returning, before going to Talbot’s house and opening the door with the key they’d taken from the scientist.
Talc went into Talbot’s kitchen and fetched a can of tuna and a jar of mayonnaise. He mixed the two together and filled the pet bowl on the counter. Noting that there was some left, he made himself a tuna sandwich and sat next to the bowl.
It took Ozymandius a while to approach Talc, and even longer to warm up to him. However, the cat was curled up against the delicate man, purring like an engine, by the time the sunset rolled around and they both watched it out the large windows at the back of Talbot’s house.
Talc’s phone rang.
“Yello?” Talc said to the unknown caller.
“Hey.”
Talc immediately tensed. The voice was, undeniably, Talbot’s.
“What is this?!? Where are you?!?”
When the Talcs and Willis had reviewed the CCTV footage, they’d realized exactly where Talbot and Willis had ended up, and had naturally concluded that they were dead.
“I honestly don’t know. I was just in the Fifth Dimension with Willis, but now I’m unsure. It’s dark, and my legs don’t hurt anymore.”
“What does that mean?! Are you still alive?! Is Willis still alive?!”
“I don’t think so. I think I’m dying. Already dead?”
“Then how are you talking to me? Are there phones in the fifth dimension?”
“Nah, I can just hear you. My hypotheses are that this is either a feverish hallucination in my dying moments, or that the Fifth Dimension can somehow…” Talbot’s speech sank into bleary muttering, and was unintelligible for several words. “...subsurface conduit.”
“Talbot, you’re delirious. That makes no sense.”
“Good, so it’s the other hypothesis. Just cause I know you won’t actually hear this, take care of my cat.”
Talc moved to speak, but Talbot continued.
“Oh also,” He added, almost as an afterthought, “I sent my notebook to Anderson, so watch out with that.”
“Wait what, excuse me?!”
The line went dead.
Talc heard a thunderous snapping sound. He whirled around to face the window, pressing his face against the glass and staring up at the sky.
A horrific ripping sound filled the air as the very fabric of the Fourth Dimension was rent apart, the sky above Talc yawning wide. The thing’s tendrils emerged from the rift in the atmosphere and descended towards the ground, each one darting around erratically as though tasting the air.
Talc did not know what Talbot, or Anderson, or whoever had done, but he knew that they had forever changed the world around them, and doomed a large portion of the human race.
You haven’t just opened Pandora’s box, you fool, Talc thought bitterly of the foolish chemist, You’ve blasted it apart with plastic explosives.
Talc returned to the couch and cradled Ozymandius. There was little to be done now.
Talc felt almost relieved that his decades-long vigil could finally come to an end.
The Cracks in the world had finally become holes, and through those holes came a flood.

its built like a dnd, but um tired of elves and dwarfs. i do have kind of an orchish race that lived in the desert before the humans, they are brutal with outsiders but loving and carinho within the tribes. i also have something about some fish men, but idk
Humans in my world probably came all from a distant continent and they shared the continent with another race, more evolved while humans were tribal. This other race always studies the skies and they ALL fled the continent not before long a meteor fell. Many Men died at that time, but the empty cities were crucial for humans tô shelter.
Some time later humans came tô this continent where my world centers around.
So anyway, fish men. Im really high right now.

What a curse being a 2/4 sleeping Phoenix 3, with G center, ego and plexus solar opened … I navigate between wanting to be left alone (95% of the time) and wanting to be around, and accepted by people. So I tend to push them away by not responding to their callphones. And not engage really, because I feel so exhausted when being around them, even family … logically, they start to gain resentment, and it becomes kind of destroying for me.
I could just inform you will tell me…
Well, I noticed it’s definitely not well seen to say that you need to be alone, because « everybody needs someone to be with ». I just want to be with people when I feel the need to, ocasionnaly, without having to justify myself each time … true problem is that I feel like it sounds being egoist if I say I need alone time to function propely, and I’m afraid of their reaction from this, so I just impose it, and the results are worst …
I’m tired Any of you can give me tips to find the courage to explain how I function when 95% of my network won’t get it ? Or find a good balance ?
Thank you !

I am seeking help with a World Conquest and One Faith, starting as Byzantium. (Note: My recorded playtime is 3,521 hours at the time of posting this, though I consider my "true" (i.e., not AFK) playing time to be ~3,000 hours.) Also, I have played until the end-date of the game at least once (I believe twice).
A TL:DR is at the bottom, and I will credit helpful respondents in a future "success" post in this subreddit if I am able to succeed in this endeavor. (I have previously sought help in a PDX-focused Discord server, but I would prefer to ask here instead). I will respond to replies in about 12 hours after posting this, and I truly appreciate any and all advice that can be provided.
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Specifically, I begin to struggle past ~1550, due to difficulties against the AI in wars. I utilize this spreadsheet of army compositions and unit types, (usually building half or full CW of Artillery around Mil. Tech 14), though battles become difficult for me after ~1550, and I am also often outnumbered against my opponents around this time. (Incidentally, Economic advice would be helpful in this respect, as I am reluctant to take loans due to Interest and Inflation concerns associated with them).
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Overview:

• Idea Groups: Influence + Administrative + Diplomatic + Innovative + Espionage
  • (Justification for lack of Military Idea Groups: Previous unsuccessful attempts utilized Quality + Religious, or Innovative + Offensive, and I overall do not see any of the Military Idea Groups as valuable, including Quantity). I am willing to accept credible arguments justifying taking any number and type of Military Idea Groups.
• Privileges:
  • Clergy
    • Religious State (Retained for the entirety of the game)
    • Clerical Ministers (Retained until ~1500-1520)
    • Expansionist Zealotry (Retained until ~1610)
    • Enforced Unity of Faith (Re-implemented until ~1610 whenever possible)
  • Nobility
    • Primacy of the Nobility (Retained for the entirety of the game)
    • Increased Levies (Recent addition to my attempts, planned to be retained until ~1600, then revoked)
    • Expand the Fortifications (Recent addition to my attempts, planned to be retained until 1550)
    • Monopoly on Livestock (Renewed until ~1610, then revoked)
    • Strong Duchies (Planning to revoke ~1610)
    • Nobility Integration Policy (Planning to revoke ~1610)
  • Burghers
    • Land of Commerce (Issued in ~1500 (I Sell Titles in 1444 after issuing the former two +1 Point privileges)
    • Patronage of the Arts (Retained until ~1530, then revoked)
  • Monopolies
    • Implemented whenever first available (excluding Gems (obtained from Faceting)), and revoked in ~1610 (excluding Textiles, which is revoked in ~1510).
• Government Reforms:
  • T1: Reformed Byzantine Monarchy (Obtained ASAP (generally by ~1465 if the Separatist-occupied provinces are never unseiged, else by ~1480))
  • T2: Compromise with the Nobility (Recent attempt adoption, previous attempts utilized "Curtail Noble Privileges")
  • T3: Decentralized Bureaucracy
  • T4: Curtail Clerical Privileges
  • T5: Sustained Discipline
  • T6: Royal Decree
  • T7: Dynastic Administration
  • T8: Curtail the Burghers
  • T9: "Les Six livres de la République"
  • T10: Regional Representation
  • T11: Political Absolutism
• Economy:
  • Tax: Largely Ignored; Minimal Churches built, excess Admin Power used for developing provinces near Constantinople.
  • Production: Minimal focus; Developing Cloth and Silk when spare Diplomatic Power is available, and building Textile Manufacturies if spare money is available).
  • Trade: Marketplace built only in Constantinople; Centers of Trade upgraded in the Constantinople, Ragusan, Aleppo, and Alexandrian nodes; Protect Trade Edict activated in States containing Centers of Trade.
  • Gold in Kosovo: Developed to 6 Production (I cannot spare enough Diplo and Mil points until at least 1480-90 to develop the province to 10 Production, and by then I am often focused on expansion in Aleppo and Alexandria).

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General Strategy:

• My first ~50 years are an approximate recreation of Zlewikk's strategy, which uses a combination of subjects and truce-resets against the Ottomans and Mamluks, possibly bankrupting each in two wars. (Note: I do not release Bulgaria as a subject, instead letting them become independent via Separatists and full-annexing them).
• By 1510, I also attempt to Transfer Subject Naples at half-cost from Castile to obtain all of Naples at once, and Reconquest their Sicilian cores to improve their Opinion and lower their Liberty Desire. Also, I release Aragon and Reconquest their cores once Spain forms. (In the Neapolitan Reconquest war, I also take Granada for the Alhambra Monument, and I upgrade it when I have spare funds).
• By 1550, I am generally able to control up to the Alexandria and Cairo Areas in the South, most or all of Anatolia (up to the "Reestablish the Theme System" Mission's requirements), Naples and Aragon, and (if Hungary did not keep Ladislaus Posthumous) the "Northern Border" Mission's requirements. I also attempt to utilize Morocco (and possibly Tunis) as Reconquest opportunities.
• I have had mixed results with Dismantling the HRE (some runs fail while attempting this), generally waiting to attempt doing so until after the League War ends (oftentimes, I am at war when the Evangelical Union event fires, and I am unable to join the Protestant League before the war begins.)
  • When successful, this is generally done in ~1580-1600.

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Additional Notes:

• My ultimate goal is to Restore the Roman Empire by approximately 1650-1680, and to complete the World Conquest aspect by 1780-1790 to allow time for conversions.
• I would also like to add "One Tag" and "One [Roman] Culture" aspects to this run, but I would like to wait until restoring the Roman Empire for the new Government Reform's benefits to Culture Conversion Time. (I prioritize "One Tag" first, however).
• I consider Hungary keeping Ladislaus Posthumous to be a "restart" condition (I do not savescum/bird when attempting these runs for additional challenge and out of pride).
• I retain Greek as my Primary Culture for roleplay purposes, though I promote Turkish Culture for faster province conversions.
• I only State the entirety of the Constantinople and Ragusan Trade Node Areas. (I plan to Move my Capital back to Constantinople after it is automatically moved to Rome after Restoring the Roman Empire).

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Challenging Opponent Nations:

• Poland/PLC (Particularly due to the incredible power Poland/PLC possesses with the LotN DLC)
• Austria (Even if they lose the Emperorship to Hesse, etc., they often regain it by 1520-1530, as well as potentially receiving the Burgundian Inheritance).
• France (I abandon attempting to PU them by about 1550 due to perceived time-constraints with Integrating them before 1680).
• Spain (Often allies a strong Portugal, and potentially Austria)
• Portugal (Often allies Spain and England)

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Owned DLC's: Nearly all non-cosmetic/ DLC's (i.e., Unit Packs) and Music Packs. (I am only lacking the "Digital Extreme Edition").
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TL:DR
Difficulties arise in ~1550, due to complications fighting Poland/PLC, Austria, France, Spain, and Portugal. Help likely required in Economic affairs (I have a general knowledge of Trade, which I attempt to utilize, but I generally ignore Production and Taxation). No Military Ideas are taken due to my perceived lack of value in them (I am willing to see credible evidence for their value).

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It all started Friday, when we (myself and my roommate James) went fishing at one of the local lakes. Or, at least we tried to go fishing. It's Spring but the lake we drove to was still frozen. Ice fishing wasn’t something we’d ever done, but we figured it couldn't be too difficult. When we arrived I tentatively tested the ice and it seemed solid, so we ventured further out. The ice cracked underfoot in a few places, but neither of us were very concerned. Once we got to a nice spot in the middle I sat down on one of the buckets we’d brought and started fitting our poles with hooks. While I was doing that, James set about trying to make a hole in the ice. He started by stomping on it with his foot to no effect. Then, he grabbed his bucket and began hammering away at it.
“Need some help over there?” I said in a somewhat teasing tone.
“No I’ve got it, I just need a better spot, this one’s much too hard.” he said, jumping on the spot as proof.
“Whoa don’t do that! If the ice breaks you’ll fall in and I’d have to save you, then as payment you’d have to treat me to a beer at Shelby’s.”
“Man you know I don’t like that place, it's so dingy. But as I said, the ice won’t break. I’m going to look for another spot.”
“Alright, well I’m done with the poles. Let me know if you need any help then.”
“Awesome, you can see the fish swimming under the ice over here. This is the spot, I know it!”
“Great! I’ll move our gear over.”
Suddenly, I heard a loud crack and a small splash. I looked over and saw James had his foot stuck in the ice.
“Hey you alright? Don’t move, let me come pull you out.” I said, dropping our poles and walking over.
“No I don’t need any help, I just need to pull my leg out. This water is cold as hell!”
“Yeah I bet. I’m coming over anyway just in case.”
“Nah I got it, see?” he said, before aggressively trying to pull his foot out of the hole. Almost immediately he lost his balance, and fell forward slamming into the dark patch of ice. I heard the surface give way and saw him fall into the water. I ran over to the hole and tried to see him, but the water was too muddy. Frantically, I plunged my arms into the water and grabbed randomly hoping to find a purchase on James. My arms started burning, and after a few minutes I had to pull them out. I started panicking and didn’t know if I should jump in after him. I decided I would call 911 first, even though I knew there’s nothing they could do, and then would jump in after him. But just as I dialed the number I saw a hand come out of the water. I dropped my phone and grabbed it, heaving a muddy body onto the ice and pulling it towards more solid ground. It was James, he was covered in mud and some grass, but other than that seemed perfectly fine. He wasn’t even shivering, nor did he seem particularly stressed. Once I’d helped him to his feet he stood and turned towards the hole in the ice, looking at it pensively.
“Are you alright James?” I asked. He didn’t respond, so I grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the hole towards the shore. I’d suddenly remembered that not shivering was a symptom of severe hypothermia, something that would only get worse in those wet clothes of his. I almost had to drag him away, but he offered no resistance, just kept looking behind him at the hole. When we reached the car I turned the heater to maximum, and undressed James. I gave him my jacket and wrapped him in a blanket I had in the back.
“James? Can you hear me? I’m taking you to a clinic now, there’s one only 15 minutes away.” I started the GPS and pulled out of the small recreation area, but before I could get onto the road James grabbed me and started screaming.
“TAKE ME BACK TAKE ME BACK TAKE ME BACK TAKE ME BACK”
I jumped and hit my head on the roof of the car.
“Dammit James you scared the crap out of me, are you all right?”
He let go of me, and whispered “Take me back.”
“No, we’re going to a clinic. You're clearly hypothermic, you're not even shivering but you’re ice cold. End of discussion.” I said, and then continued onto the road towards the clinic. I focused on the road, but I could feel his eyes on me.
“We’ll come back another day.” I said. I quickly glanced to my left, and was startled to see he was looking directly into my eyes.
“Alright,” he whispered, before slowly looking away and out the window.
We spent the rest of the drive in silence, until we reached the hospital. The doctor said he didn’t have hypothermia, but gave him some dry clothes and recommended standing by the heater until he warmed up. James nodded, but headed straight for the car. I quickly said thanks to the doctor, and followed James. It would take an hour to get to our apartment, so I flipped through my CD collection.
“Let’s see… I’ve got the Cars, and we’re in a car so it seems like a worthy choice.” I smiled at him, it was a joke I’d told many times before that usually got an eye roll, and occasionally a laugh. But this time James didn’t give me either, and instead continued looking out the window. “Alright” I said. “Let’s try something you like.” I pulled an Elton John CD out of its sleeve and popped it in the stereo. Elton John is his favorite, and he can’t help but sing along to Rocketman. This was the first time he hadn’t. He even sang to it when I picked him up after his girlfriend dumped him in college.
When we finally arrived at our apartment I pulled into the parking space at the back of our building. James didn’t say a word and silently followed me to our door. Once inside, he went over to the couch, lied down, and closed his eyes. I thought he was probably shaken by his experience and needed some time alone, so I let him be and went to my room. I was a bit worried about him so I spent the day at home Saturday, but he still wouldn’t make conversation with me. Then in the evening, he came out of his room and sat down next to me.
“Take me back, " he whispered.
“Take you back where exactly?”
“To the lake, you said you’d take me back.”
“Oh yeah I guess I said that. Honestly, I don’t really trust the ice after what happened, we should wait a month or so until it fully melts and then just fish like we normally do.”
“But you promised. You said we’d go back another day.”
“Yes, when the ice melts. Maybe it’ll just take a few more weeks.” I said, perplexed at his insistence.
“I need to go back.” he said, eyes suddenly locking with mine.
“You don’t need to go back, you want to go back alright? We are not going back so soon, I’d be stressed out the whole time. You could’ve died, you know.”
“So you won’t take me back?”
“That is correct, the lake is much too dangerous and you’ve been super quiet ever since we got back. I’m going out with Dale tonight, but when I get back we should talk about what happened and try and work through it alright? I’ll be back late, but text me if you need anything. Also, don’t forget it's your turn to make dinner.”
Then I left, and went to meet up with my friend Dale. We had more than a few drinks, and talked about a recent hunting trip he’d been on with his son. Dale has a way of continuing conversations way longer than you’d think possible, but because I don’t see him as much as I used to I let him talk all he wants. Needless to say, I got in pretty late and was very hungry. I didn’t see anything on the counter, so I figured James had wrapped dinner up in the fridge. Standard procedure when I’m out with Dale, who never fails to keep me out all night. But, when I looked in the fridge there was nothing there.
James loved to cook and never missed an opportunity to try out a new recipe on me. I saw his door was open, so I popped my head into his room to see if he was still up. I was surprised to see that he wasn't there, so I decided to see where he was using Find My Friends. When I saw that he was in the middle of a random forest I was confused, until I realized he was heading to the lake on foot. I was very concerned and immediately raced to my car. Admittedly, I had had a few drinks, but I’m a big guy and it was an emergency so I drove out anyway. There wasn’t anyone on the road this late regardless, and all I could think about was James falling through the ice again.
It was very dark when I arrived at the lake. It was still frozen, just as before, but I could make out a figure in the center illuminated by the moonlight. I quickly hurried to the edge and cautiously stepped closer to the figure, ice sometimes cracking underfoot. As I walked I could see a few holes in the ice, presumably caused by animals falling under. I heard splashing water to my left and saw a muddy deer somehow manage to stumble out of the water. It was dragging a dark mass alongside it, and quickly moved into the darkness of the forest out of sight. I heard a yelp as something fell through the water to my right just as I approached James.
He stood with his back toward me, staring into a large hole in the ice.
“James, I saw a lot of holes in the ice on my way over to you. I really don't think this is safe. Let’s go home. I’m worried you might not be thinking clearly, you’re putting us both in danger right now. We really shouldn't be on the ice.”
“Look,” he said, without turning.
I walked up beside him, and looked into the hole. The water was crystal clear, and I could see a naked body tangled in the weeds. Suddenly, James stepped forward and jumped into the hole. Stunned, I watched him move towards the body before the mud obscured my vision. After a few seconds his hand came out of the water reaching towards me. I grabbed it, and with some effort pulled him and the body out onto the ice, hearing a subtle crack as their collective weight bore down on the lake's surface.
“James? What is happening right now?” I said.
He didn’t answer, just stood up and looked at the body with a curious look on his face. He started to wipe the mud off the body with his sleeve, and I realized the corpse had James’ face. They were identical, except for the fact that the body was naked and James was clothed.
“What the fuck? Who is this? Why did you know there was a body here? Why does he look like you?” I said nervously.
In lieu of an answer, James turned to look at me with a confused expression. I backed away slowly and clutched my phone in my pocket ready to call 911, when, suddenly, a muddy deer emerged from the forest and began to approach James. As it got closer I saw it had a bloodied deer leg in its mouth. It moved quickly, and was next to James within seconds. The deer dropped the leg, walked over to the body, and began to lightly chew the dead doppelganger's arm. It looked at James, then back at the body and walked back to where it had dropped the deer leg. Then, it put it back in its mouth and began to chew, before looking back at James again.
“Oh, thanks.” James said.
The deer bowed its head slightly, then returned to the forest.
Suddenly, James dropped to his knees and lifted up an arm of the body. He immediately began tearing into the flesh, savagely ripping off pieces with his muddy hands and teeth. I felt vomit come up my throat, and I blacked out.
Next thing I knew I was in bed. I felt cold, dirty, and tired. When I left my room James was making breakfast as if nothing had happened.
“Good morning,” I said warily.
“Good morning! How’d you sleep?”
I didn’t respond, I could still see the body being torn apart on the ice, but the memories were hazy. I wasn’t drunk at the time but I had been drinking prior, and somehow I was back in the apartment like I’d never left. It all seemed a bit surreal, but I have never had a dream so disturbing before. I looked out the window and saw that my car was still in its spot, but I was also still wearing my clothes from the bar, which initially seemed a tad odd.
“Are you alright?” James said, with a concerned look on his face. “You know you took quite a nasty fall last night. You really shouldn’t drink so much.”
“I fell? When?” I said, touching my head and confirming that it was a bit sore.
“You came home last night after you went drinking with Dale and I guess you slipped on the doormat or something, I heard a thud and found you passed out cold on the floor.”
“Huh, you’re right I guess I did drink a bit too much” I lied. “But you know Dale, he’s just got a way of keeping you on that stool.”
“Clearly! Just know you can call me to pick you up anytime, you don’t have to stumble home all by yourself.”
“Thanks, anyway I’ve got to get going. See you later?”
“Not hungry? I’ve got some eggs here, they’re crunchy, just the way you like them!”
By ‘crunchy’ James meant he had put the entirety of the egg into the bowl and whisked it all together; this was his signature. He lived with his grandfather for a bit as a kid, and apparently the madman refused to separate the shells, claiming they were a great source of calcium. James was always trying to get me to try them, but I always declined.
“No thanks,” I said, unable to suppress a small smile. “I’ve got some errands to run, I’ll see you in a bit.”
“Alright your loss, see you later! Don’t forget it's your turn to make dinner.”
“Of course.” I said, walking out the door and grabbing my keys from the bowl.
When I got to my car I started heading towards the supermarket, but stopped beside the road once I was out of sight of the building. My seat felt slightly damp and the interior had a bit of an earthy smell, so I opened the window. I hoped that I had dreamt the whole thing, but every time I thought about what I’d seen I felt nauseous again. I had to be sure, so I decided to go back to the lake. I was paranoid that James might use Find My Friends on me, so I actually did end up going to the supermarket and hid my phone nearby, and just hoped if he did check it he would only look once. Then I booted up my GPS and headed back to the lake.
As usual, when I arrived the small parking lot was empty. I quickly headed to the lake and very carefully walked towards the center. As I walked my memories of the night prior kept flashing before me, the muddy deer dragging something across the ice, the crunch of the ice beneath my feet. Eventually I reached the spot where James had fallen. The ice was clean, no body in sight. I didn’t even see any blood. I very nervously looked down into the water, but again didn't see anything suspicious. Perhaps this should’ve convinced me it was a dream, but I’m much too stubborn for that, so I decided I would need to find a way to test James. I started heading back to the supermarket in my car to retrieve my phone, and thought up a plan.
When I arrived at the store I grabbed my phone and bought some groceries. Then I went about actually completing my errands as if it were a regular Sunday, albeit much more slowly than I would normally. I managed to stretch out my chores until 4:00 PM, then headed home to start dinner. When I arrived James was on the couch watching television.
“Wow you were gone a long time.” he said.
“Well, I had quite a bit to do. But don’t worry, I’m ready to make you some dinner.” I said cheerfully.
I made spaghetti while he watched Netflix, and when it was done set the table. James’ favorite drink is apple juice, he drinks it paired with almost any meal. So, as anticipated when I asked him what he wanted to drink he asked for it. I got us both opaque glasses, and poured him a cup filled with apple cider vinegar, myself with lemonade, then I called him over to the table.
“Bon Appétit!” I said dramatically, with a flourish of my hand.
“I’m starving, thanks for making one of my favorites.” he said.
“Well, we both had a bit of a difficult weekend, so I’m counting on you to make Shepherd's pie sometime next week.”
“Definitely! You know, you're actually a really good Italian cook! If I didn’t know better I’d think there might be a little rat pulling the strings up there.”
“Well I was classically trained by the best YouTube chefs.” I said, as I watched him down half the glass of vinegar without batting an eye.
After dinner I went to my room and left James with the dishes. Then, I sat down on my computer and began organizing my thoughts. Now I’m just waiting till he goes to sleep before I make my move. I’m going to creep into his room tonight and kill him using an axe I snuck in when I brought up the groceries. I don’t know what he is, but I do know James, my James, is dead. The only thing I can do now is kill the monster I saw eating him. I just hope the element of surprise will be enough, and I pray I'll be able to go through with it when the time comes. I just have to wait for him to turn out the lights, it'll be any moment now.

Author's Note:
Reddit was having issues when I posted the last chapter, so just in case anyone missed it, the previous chapter (197) starts here.
Also, the next chapter will come out a week from now, on June 5th.
​
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Two Days Later
"AMBUSH!"
Rob's eyes snapped open. Panicked shouts were resounding from outside his tent. The first notion that popped into his sleep-addled mind was relief, as an ambush was preferable to the nightmare he'd been having. That sentiment lasted until a distant explosion obliterated the final remnants of his drowsiness, sending him and Keira sprinting out of their tent with weapons in hand.
Chaos awaited them outside. People weren't quite running around like chickens with their heads cut off, but it was close. While the coalition had known that a night attack was possible and prepared themselves accordingly, no one was ever truly ready to be assaulted with spells and Skills as they frolicked through dreamland. Arrows peppered the ground at their feet, the majority landing harmlessly away, although Rob spotted a few soldiers with fresh wounds seeping blood.
He spared a passing glance for the numerous banners the coalition had erected across their campsite. Each one was raised twenty feet high, decorated with lights in order to glow in the dark, and marked with wartime symbols indicating a desire to engage in peaceful negotiations. The Harpies answered by filling the banners with arrow holes and setting many of them on fire. Diplomacy's plan had been doomed from the start.
Kicking his brain into high gear, Rob activated Quick Thinking and sent Messages checking on Riardin's Rangers. His eyes traveled up towards the night sky, seeing a canvas of pure darkness broken up by stars and moonlight. It must have been the dead of midnight or close to it. Arrows were impossible to see coming before they'd already hit the ground, and the only indication of Harpies flying above were the shadows blotting out the stars every so often.
Thankfully, the coalition had planned for this. As if on cue, multiple orbs of brilliant light shot upwards, mages from each faction contributing to the effort. The orbs hung in the sky like floating lighthouses, banishing enough darkness to allow Rob to see what he was dealing with.
A resigned expletive slipped out of his mouth. There had to be at least four hundred of the fuckers up there, maybe five hundred, swarming like a colony of feathered bees. It was the worst-case scenario of what the coalition envisioned – Elnaril sending the maximum number of Harpies he could realistically field without leaving the capital undefended.
How am I supposed to fight them? Rob wondered, asking himself a recurring question that he'd never been able to answer. They can't kill me with piddly arrows and long-range spells, but my allies aren't so durable. Somehow I doubt they'll listen if I tell them to stop being cowards and come fight me in melee range.
All thoughts of attacking were swept aside when the Harpies began dropping a very different projectile towards the coalition base camp. Rob opened and closed his mouth several times, shock suffusing every cell in his body. He recalled the explosion that had awoken him, the moment now disturbingly re-contextualized.
The Harpies were airdropping crates of Firebombs.
"THAT'S COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT, YOU LITTLE SHITS!" Rob summoned his own crate from his Bound Items, tore open the cover, and grabbed a Firebomb in each hand. He activated Bulk Up for extra Strength and hurled Firebombs towards the falling crates with the best baseball throws he could muster. One, two, three, four, five, six – the crate's supply rapidly depleted as Rob threw again and again, trying to intercept as many payloads as possible, Keira following his lead. They were joined by coalition archer support, arrows sniping at crates that were out of reach.
Dozens of roaring explosions lit up the sky. While some of the crates had gotten through, most were turned to dust before they could hit the ground, reducing the Harpies' shock-and-awe tactic to an impromptu fireworks display.
Throwing Proficiency Level Increased! 6 → 7
Throwing Proficiency Level Increased! 7 → 8
"THAT'S RIGHT!" Rob whooped. "LEAVE THE KABOOMS TO THE EXPERTS!" He paused, then turned to Keira, looking abashed. "Um...was this my fault? Are they actually copying me?" Please don't tell me I accidentally advanced warfare by a century.
"We can ruminate on that later," Keira answered, skillfully dodging the question. "For now, we should focus on retaliating by any means available."
No sooner had the words left her mouth than a glowing yellow projectile shot up into the sky. Orn'tol's Chain Arrow nicked a Harpy on the edge of their wing – which was all it needed to begin the process. A tenth of a second later, the arrow veered to the right and struck a different Harpy in their stomach. It ripped out and through the other side, taking another ninety-degree turn to spear an unsuspecting Harpy in the back. And so it went, chaining from target-to-target with ruthless efficiency. By the end, twenty Harpies had been struck, eight of them falling out of the sky, unmoving.
Rob saluted the display. "Yeah, I don't have any ranged attacks on that level. I think we'd be better-off guarding the people who do."
They rushed over to where the Fiend mages resided, discovering the group huddled under cover, besieged by a stream of arrows and spells hammering down around them. Rob sent off a quick Message to Vul'to, then jumped in front of an icicle spell that would have gored a Fiend through her neck. "Sup."
"Lord Roy!" The Fiend's jubilation froze when she saw the icicle sticking out of Rob's shoulder. "Are–"
"No time for chitchat. If I cover you, can you fire back?"
After some thought, the mages nodded. Rob gave them a thumbs-up with his left hand and deflected an arrow with his right. He turned his full attention to the projectile storm raining from above, calculating which ones he'd be able to block and which ones he'd need to take on the chin.
The next few minutes became a blur of activity. Arrow. Skill. Arrow. Spell. Spell. Skill. Arrow. Arrow. It never ended. His slow walk towards Harpy Settlement #4 was proving to be an invaluable experience, because he wasn't sure if he could've kept up now without already knowing how to handle a barrage of small projectiles. Even Keira was struggling; while Danger Sense told her where she needed to move, it was reaching a point where she physically couldn't execute the motions fast enough. Rob would've expected the Harpies to lay off once they noticed that he was there to play defense, but if anything, they were attacking more fiercely than before.
Almost as if they held a grudge against him or something.
Outwardly, he was projecting the supreme confidence of a Leader. Inwardly, he was honestly starting to get a bit worried. While he'd only taken about 300 HP of damage, a different resource was beginning to wane: his Stamina. Quick Thinking consumed 3 Stamina for every second it was active. That combined with his constant movement was...tiring. He'd activated Second Wind to restore 35% of his Stamina, but unlike his Vitality-based abilities, this one had a cooldown of 24 hours. In a couple minutes, he might actually need to ask for a short break.
Was that the end of the world? No. Was it embarrassing? Potentially. Leaders weren't supposed to ask for breaks. At least, he thought they weren't. Elatrans could be weird about what constituted a good Leader. Rob was still figuring out when he was supposed to act like an invulnerable pillar versus when he was allowed to be a real person. I miss when I didn't have to care about this sort of thing.
His reputation was saved by Vul'to's timely arrival. The Soul Guardian burst onto the scene in a mad dash, skid to a halt, took a stance, activated Auto-Guard, and proceeded to swat away the Harpies' projectiles as if they were no more than gnats. "I will protect the mages from here on out," he calmly stated. Vul'to's movements flowed like water, his voice showing no sign of exertion as he spoke. "Put your efforts towards an offensive strike."
Rob suppressed a relieved sigh as he deactivated Quick Thinking. "For the record, when our Party inevitably complains about my risk-taking later, I'm going to say that both you and Keira signed off on a Rob Plan."
"You can't be serious," Keira blurted out, panting heavily as she rested. "Our enemies are in the sky. What scheme could you have possibly concocted that would put you at risk?"
Rob hesitated. He was distinctly aware of the mages listening in as they fired spells, devoting a portion of their brainpower to gathering gossip material. Anything he said here would reflect on his status as Leader. That included overly-casual speech and devising schemes that by all rights should get him a one-way ticket to the loony bin.
Then he remembered that allies were dying around him, and he stopped caring so much about what other people thought.
"My usual method for dealing with mobile enemies is Rampage spam," he began to explain. "That isn't viable here. I'd run out of MP long before I reached their altitude, and even if I somehow made it, what then? I can't dodge mid-air. They'd turn me into a pincushion. So here's what I was thinking..."
His explanation was brief. By the time he'd finished, the mages were staring at him with eyes wide as saucers. Keira merely nodded. "Very well. I'll accept it."
"No complaints?"
"You left yourself an escape route. That already makes this plan safer than most." She turned away, gesturing for him to follow. "Let's go find Malika. If I'm not mistaken, she'll be at Orn'tol's side."
It wasn't hard to locate her. They only needed to trace the empowered spells blasting upwards like rocket launchers. Rob did a rough headcount of the Harpies' numbers, estimating that, despite their ambush, the battle wasn't going well for them. Over forty had been felled by Malika's spells, Orn'tol's arrows, and the other coalition mages and archers. The Dwarven riflemen were also putting in work, gunshots echoing as Harpies were struck by blindingly fast projectiles they'd come entirely unprepared for, their race inducted into a new era of war with a baptism of lead and gunpowder.
Conversely, Rob would bet his life savings that not even fifteen coalition members had perished. While he didn't have any proof of this, he knew from experience that basic arrows and mediocre spells lost striking power when fired from a long range. And unlike the Harpies' army consisting of everyone-they-could-get, the coalition soldiers were the elite of each territory. They were tougher, stronger, and had access to superior healing magic. In this instance, quality trumped quantity.
Especially when the quality was so lopsided. As Rob ran, he saw a lightning spear shoot up towards the sky and explode into a ball of electricity, frying a dozen Harpies in an instant. Moments later, the surrounding air seemed to dry out, like a heat wave passing through, as moisture was collected into a towering plume of water. Once it was ready, the plume burst upwards and casually washed away another dozen Harpies as if they were drowned rats.
Sylpeiros and Cyraeneus. Ambush or no ambush, long range or close range – didn't matter. Leaders were terrifying in every scenario.
Rob found Malika and Orn'tol in good spirits. The siblings had a whole squad of Vanguards protecting them, like a pair of pint-sized siege cannons with ground support. "Rob!" Malika exclaimed, the instant she saw him. "MP Potions! Forthwith!"
In a flash of blue mana, he produced three Potions from Spatial Storage. "Your humble servant is here," he remarked, in a tone drier than the air.
"Only three Potions? Bah! Give me more!"
"Your humble servant has no wish to deal with an Archmage with a hangover."
Grumbling, she grabbed the Potions and chugged them like a frat boy on spring break. Rob rated her chugging prowess at a solid 7 out of 10, judging that – while she'd grown considerably – there was still room for improvement.
"Should..." Orn'tol started to say something, then thought better of it. Rob could guess what he was thinking. The boy was worried that they weren't being properly respectful of the situation, joking around in the middle of a warzone where allies were suffering. He'd likely come to the same conclusion as Rob: that letting Malika keep her morale up was more important. "Are we winning?" he instead asked.
"Easily," Rob affirmed. That was never in doubt. It would've taken something going catastrophically wrong for them to be in danger of losing. In reality, today's battle was just another leg in the extended marathon that the coalition was running. Rather than obsessing over a transient victory that was all but guaranteed, they needed to minimize casualties so that taking the Harpy capital was a feasible prospect. That meant being careful, guarding their back lines, and only attacking when it was safe.
Oh, and crushing the Harpies so that they wised up and retreated.
"I am...concerned," Orn'tol admitted. "The Harpies should have been aware of our strength. Yet by the end of this night, unless they soon retreat, their losses will mount in the hundreds. Why waste so much life?"
Rob narrowed his eyes at the sky. "Couple possibilities. Elnaril could be screwing around. Blights think that wasting life is absolutely hilarious. He is part Leader, though, so I can't imagine he'd be quite that frivolous with his resources. With that in mind, I don't think the Harpies are going to fight to the last man – they probably came here intending to thin our numbers and skedaddle. Severe losses would prevent us from being able to seize the capital. Their initial Firebomb barrage could've potentially done that on its own."
"And it failed."
"Sure did. Now they're stuck trying to do it the old-fashioned way." Rob shrugged. "They might have a backup plan. If so, we'll handle it, no worries." He faced Malika. "Speaking of plans, I've got one. Do you mind holding onto some MP for me?"
She opened her mouth to respond – then froze, her head turning sideways. Rob followed Malika's gaze towards the Gellin encampment, his brow furrowing at what he saw. All thirty Gellin were exiting their tents in near-perfect unison. They reminded Rob of a collection of wind-up animatronics, with movements that weren't entirely synchronized and robotic, yet also weren't dissimilar enough to appear fully lifelike. As the Gellin drifted forward, moonlight mixed with the light emanating from the mages' sun orbs, bathing them in an almost ethereal glow.
A small shiver crept up Rob's spine. He didn't know why, but something about the situation was giving him the heebie-jeebies. Maybe it was because he'd never seen a Gellin awake at this hour before. He'd gone on more than one midnight walk to clear his head after a bout of nightmares, and while he'd met the occasional Fiend, Dwarf, Elf, or Merfolk, the Gellin were always sequestered in their tents.
His shiver crawled up to the back of his neck, making its little hairs stand on end as a thrum of mana built within the Gellin. Even Rob's meager Sense Mana could feel it. Thirty Gellin had joined into three Mage Circles, linking their power, creating...something. A force. An aura. It lacked physical form, yet felt no less threatening than one of Sylpeiros' lightning spears.
The space above them seemed to shimmer, as if viewed through a lightly-smudged eyeglass. Virtually invisible if you weren't paying close attention.
Or if you were flying hundreds of feet in the air.
The Harpies didn't try to avoid it. They didn't even know it was there. Lightning spears and plumes of water were obvious. Flashy. The Gellins' something simply wafted upwards, like rising heat, until it reached the sky and engulfed a multitude of Harpies in a devouring fog.
Piercing screams cut through the din of warfare.
The affected Harpies reacted in different ways. Some went still as statues. Some writhed as if electrocuted. Some began attacking invisible enemies. But regardless of how they reacted, they all fell, and they all screamed.
Rob covered his ears. It was the worst sound he'd heard since Elnaril laughed at him through a Message Crystal. The battlefield didn't completely grind to a halt, but it definitely slowed, with both the attackers and defenders needing to process what the fuck just happened.
"Was that Mind Magic?" Malika whispered, her bravado gone and vanished.
"It appears so," Keira quietly answered.
"I...did not know it could do that."
"Neither did I."
After shaking his head to reset his thoughts, Rob stepped back from everyone, ensuring that he was out of their line of sight. Much as he wanted to take a breather, he couldn't. The Harpies were reeling – this was a perfect opportunity to execute his plan.
He just needed to finish the prepwork. Hefting his longsword, Rob turned it around and pointed it at his heart.
And paused.
My hands are shivering, he realized. Why are my hands shivering? I've done this before. He willed his hands to stay still, nearly snarling when they failed to cooperate. This is a waste of time. Don't be a fucking bitch, Rob. Just lie back and think of England.
Stab.
Stab.
Stab.
Lifesurge.
Living Bomb ready.
Rob used Spatial Storage to switch his clothes for an unbloodied ensemble, then tapped Malika on her shoulder. "Do you have enough MP for a big wind spell?"
She blinked, jolted out of her reverie. "Oh. Um, yes. Why?"
He told her of his plan. A broad grin split across her face, transitioning into an excited cackle. "You're a madman. Let's do that straight away."
As Malika charged her spell, Rob attached a Waymark point to the ground, then summoned the Dwarven Sheet Metal from his Bound Items. Keira, Orn'tol, and the Vanguards spread out to give them some space. The Vanguards were looking on in awe; Rob could only hope that they'd enjoy the show.
"We have to time this just right," he told Malika. "Fire the spell on three. Understand?" She nodded so hard that she probably gave herself whiplash. Rob placed his longsword in Storage, holding the Sheet Metal with both hands.
"One." Malika held onto her spell, ready to unleash the fury of an Archmage with a cause.
"Two." Rob leaped into the air, positioning the Sheet Metal under his feet like a surfboard.
"Three!"
A miniaturized tornado slammed into the Sheet Metal, propelling Rob up, up, and away. He lost his balance pretty much immediately, tumbling onto the Sheet as wind pressure buffeted him without mercy. His ascent skyward was so sudden and so jarring that he was actually surprised when he came face-to-face with a Harpy. The two of them exchanged bewildered stares. Rob felt tempted to say a variant of one of the classics, like 'You come here often?'
Then he remembered why he was there.
This was it. No going back. Justified or necessary or otherwise, once he activated Living Bomb, he will have spilled Harpy blood on Harpy soil. There was a sense of finality to it that almost made him hesitate.
Almost.
"I wish you'd stayed home," Rob muttered. The Harpy's survival instincts kicked in, his wings flapping in a hurry, yet it was already too late. You couldn't outrun a thought.
Living Bomb.
The world became obscured by flame, heat, and noise. Rob wasn't sure how many Harpies he'd caught in the blast radius, but the EXP infusing his soul informed him that it was more than a few. Without waiting, he cast Rampage to push himself out of the Bomb's center, then Waymarked to safety so that the Harpies couldn't take revenge after the Bomb faded. The Rampage movement was a necessity; he wasn't taking any chances that using Waymark while in the middle of the Bomb might somehow bring it back with him.
His feet now on solid ground, Rob was treated to an awe-inspiring spectacle. A colossal sphere of fire hung above, like the core of an angry sun, its surface twisting with unbridled energy. The sound it emitted was one long, continuous, ear-splitting explosion, as if the Bomb was a sentient creature noisily lamenting the ones who'd escaped its grasp. This was the first time Rob had seen his Skill from an outside perspective, and in that instant, he truly understood why it was so effective at shattering morale.
As it did now. Living Bomb rapidly faded, but by then the Harpies were already in retreat. The one-two punch of the Gellins' mind attack and a giant fuckoff explosion had doubled their casualties in a matter of seconds. Even if that combo hadn't broken their spirits, not withdrawing at this point would be tantamount to suicide.
Rob allowed his shoulders to relax as a collective sigh of relief passed through the coalition. Their battle was over. Victory was – Wait, what's up with that guy?
Relief gave way to confusion as they noticed a figure in the distance sprinting towards them. It was an...Elf? One of Sylpeiros' Scouts? As everyone watched, the Elf in question passed straight under the fleeing Harpies, neither faction looking at each other as they traveled in opposite directions. The sight was borderline surreal, adding another obstacle to the emotional gamut that Rob was still running. Maybe I can go to bed and pretend I didn't see anything.
Plausible deniability was taken from him a moment later, when the Elf got within range of the coalition's Heightened Senses and started bellowing at the top of his longs. "MONSTERS! PACK OF MONSTERS AND BEASTS! LEVEL 50 AND ABOVE!"
His declaration just left them more confused. There was no such thing as a pack of high-Leveled monsters roaming the surface of Elatra. At first Rob thought that a Dungeon had grown for too long and was beginning to overflow, but the truth ended up being far stranger.
"About...thirty...monsters and animals," the Elf Scout wheezed, once he'd gotten close and could speak in full sentences. "Coming this way. Some are...natural-born. Beasts who've lived for centuries. Others are monsters. Used Identify. Think they...were plucked from Dungeons."
Everyone glanced at Sylpeiros, an unspoken message in their eyes: "He's your Scout. You sort out this mess." The Seneschal put on a deep scowl, somehow managing to direct it at over a dozen people simultaneously. Once he was sure they'd received the full force of his ire, he composed his features and turned towards the exhausted Scout.
"While I don't doubt your words, what you've described is nonsensical. Setting aside how such an eclectic group of creatures was brought together...monsters and natural-born animals are hardly allies. They'd rip each other to pieces under normal circumstances. Animals from differing species would be at odds as well."
"I am merely reporting what I've seen. In one such example, I witnessed an enormous bat flying alongside a misshapen creature of mana that could only have been spawned within the depths of a high-Level Dungeon."
"Are the animals infected?" Rob asked. "This sort of thing happened back when The Village of Ixatan Forest was invaded. Animals got possessed by the Blight."
The Scout paused, searching through his memories – or rather, his log of system notifications. "Yes. An 'Infected' Status Effect appeared when I Identified the animals. Until you provided context, I was unaware of what that implied."
As Sylpeiros continued speaking with the Scout, Rob stopped to think, constructing a timeline of events. This pack of high-Level creatures couldn't have been assembled on short notice. It must've been years in the making, Elnaril searching Harpy territory with a fine-tooth comb, scooping up wildlife and plundering Dungeons.
Rob resisted the urge to shake his fist at the sky. When Kismet warned him that Elnaril had 'strong creatures' to use, it would've been nice to have some extra fucking details. Vague omnipotent asshole.
Anyway. Elnaril corrals his Pokemon, then prepares to ambush the coalition along with his Harpies. Except...the timing went wrong. Or maybe the position? Controlling that many powerful creatures couldn't be easy. Like attempting to drive thirty cars at the same time. It was probably why the coalition hadn't been ambushed until now – Elnaril was waiting for them to get closer. Regardless, the plan was likely supposed to be the Harpies attacking in tandem with the monsters...but the bombing run largely failed, and the monsters were late to the party.
Rob grimaced as he realized how much of the coalition's victory came down to blind luck. Elnaril's plan was unsuccessful due to logistical issues on his side, not because of any stratagem on the coalition's part. If the Harpies had successfully used their pets as distractions, unloading crates of Firebombs while high-Level creatures ran amok through the battlefield...
The coalition still would have won. But their casualties would've been enormous. Enough to make invading the capital untenable.
Everyone else came to the same conclusion as they listened to the Scout's tale. Sylpeiros remained silent for a time, looking more pensive than someone might expect from a Leader who'd just prevailed in battle. "We shall discuss areas of improvement at a later date," he said, sighing. "How long until the monsters arrive?"
"Roughly four minutes."
Sylpeiros drummed his fingers on his thigh. "While we could swarm the monsters with superior numbers, the vast majority of our soldiers are unsuited for combating enemies over Level 50. The monster will fall, but not before inflicting casualties. Instead, I propose that myself, Cyraeneus, and Riardin's Rangers go forth and hold the line. The rest of our soldiers will defend base camp, kept out of harm's way, firing projectiles at whichever beasts draw near."
He frowned. "Even so, thirty monsters above Level 50 aren't so easily repelled. They may be able to fly, or have carapaces that blunt conventional attacks. It would be best if the entire lot focuses on our group, but some will choose to bypass the front line in favor of assaulting the coalition base camp. Casualties are inevitable."
"No. They aren't."
Rob stepped forward, walking in the direction the Scout had come from. A familiar swell of anticipation built within him. "Counter-proposal. I go. Alone. You all stay and deal with whoever slips past."
Numerous opposing voices exploded in unison. Rob countered them with an explosion of his own, summoning a crate of Firebombs and chucking it into the distance. The faint BOOM bought him a moment of stunned silence.
"No bullshitting," he said, fixing them with an intent gaze. "You want to minimize casualties? This is how we do it. Base camp will be vulnerable without high-Level people to protect it. Hell, some of you might die if you try to 'hold the line' in the middle of an open field. It only takes one screwup to get your head bitten off, and the monsters outnumber us. But me?"
With a flourish, Rob summoned his longsword and activated Step of the Wind. "They. Can't. Kill. Me."
He was off before anyone could raise another protest. None of them followed, perhaps sensing something in his voice indicating that it would be a bad idea. Just as well – Rob would've physically thrown back anyone who tried.
No one else needed to risk their lives today.
It only took him three minutes of running at full speed to locate the monster stampede. They were impossible to miss; a menagerie of oversized animals and abominations with the strength to depopulate a city. For almost anyone else in Elatra, the sight would have filled them with the dread of someone who knew their death was imminent, and that they could do nothing to stop the reaper's scythe from swinging.
Rob waved. The monsters screeched when they saw him, letting out a symphony that could be graciously described as hideous. Music to my ears. Out of curiosity, he cast Identify on the first one in line to die.
Name: Lord of the CavesLevel: 57Race: Blighted BatStatus Effects: Infected, ThirstyDescription: An existence well above Ixatan's Lord of the Forest that nearly killed you three times over. Gee, I wonder what happens now that you're 70 Levels higher and with pent-up resentment towards big beasties? Play nice, Rob, or you'll break your toys.
"Sorry, but breaking them is the fun part." Inwardly, Rob sent thanks to Elnaril for delivering him a herd of acceptable targets to use as living stress balls. After the unpleasantness of being forced to kill his first non-Blighted Harpies, this was a golden opportunity to let loose – and he was going to make damn good use of it.
The monsters drew closer. Any second now, the carnage would commence. Elation and certainty mingled within him, letting him know that he was in his element. He emptied his mind of worries, soaking in the view. There were no war strategies, allied casualties, or moral quandaries to concern himself with.
Just him, and his prey.
Rampage. Rob flew upwards towards the Lord of the Caves. It was a freakish behemoth of a bat, its head as large as a man's body. The creature sank its fangs into Rob's torso, biting down as if four longswords were piercing through him, vital organs shredded to confetti.
637 Piercing Damage Sustained!
It tickled. Rob completed his swing, landing a direct hit on the Lord's head. He didn't activate any additional offensive abilities, because he didn't need to. Blood for Blood increased his damage based on his missing HP. Rampage highly increased the damage of his next attack. Headsman increased his damage by 25% when attacking an enemy's head. Bone Breaker doubled the damage he dealt to an enemy's bone structure.
With all those passive effects stacking onto each other, the bat's neck was almost severed in one clean stroke. Thanks to Lifesteal, Rob immediately recovered most of his lost HP, like nothing had ever happened. Despite the bat's head hanging by threads, it stubbornly clung to life for a few moments longer – but only a few.
Swordsmanship Level Increased! 9 → 10
One down. Plenty to go. Rob pivoted to the next-closest monster, a gargantuan bear that reminded him of an Ixatan beast that had caved his chest in, once upon a time. Emboldened by nostalgia, he put a bit more oomph into his next attack, stacking Rampage, Power Slash, and Imbue Vitality.
The bear's outer hide was abnormally tough, similar to a Vanguard's armor. That mattered up until the point Rob broke the skin, after which Imbue Vitality's quadruple damage effect savaged the beast from within, its insides reduced to crimson mush.
Level Increased! 84 → 85
5 Stat Points Gained!
BERSERKER Level Increased! 82 → 83
An apelike creature with distended arms leaped ahead of the rest of the pack, enormous hands wrapping around Rob before he could dodge. It let out a warbling bellow, squeezing down with enough pressure to bend steel. Rob's bones, durable as they were, started to crack.
Vitamin D(efense) Level Increased! 10 → 11
Cute. He flicked on the Flames of Vengeance, azure fire covering his body. A grin spread over Rob's face as the beast shrieked and let go. "No, no, we were having a moment. Don't hide from your emotions." Rampaging forward, he jumped on the ape's head and gave it a big ole' hug. The shrieks intensified, mighty fists pounding at his body, fracturing more bones in a desperate attempt to dislodge him.
It was all for naught. The ape's struggles slowed, then ceased, its brain cooked from the inside like spaghetti in a microwave.
Pyromania Level Increased! 2 → 3
The next one on the chopping block was an honest-to-god giant spider. Rob shivered as he summoned a crate of Firebombs and promptly Riardin Special'd the skittering menace into the hereafter. Arachnophobia's 300% damage bonus against spiders combined with Pyromania's 30% fire damage bonus – well, 40% now – meant that it lasted about two seconds before crumbling like a pile of chitinous kindling.
Good riddance. Monsters and abominations were one thing. Spiders...ugh.
Rob checked back the way he'd come from, narrowing his eyes when he saw that a couple monsters had skirted past him while he dealt with their friends. He chased after something that must've been birthed in a Dungeon on a bender, its body comprised of flying limbs and harsh edges that hurt to look at if he stared for too long.
The floating Picasso painting in monster form suddenly whirled around, aiming multiple sharpened points at Rob's head, neck, eyes, heart, and liver. It was a phenomenally well-executed attack that would have been the envy of any Combat Class user.
Unfortunately, Picasso had chosen the one target in the world that could turn lethality into a detriment. With a thought, Rob deactivated all of his defensive Skills, then activated Dauntless Reprisal, reflecting the damage of five grievous blows back onto the creature. It collapsed into itself, twitching on the ground, silently pleading for mercy as a longsword ended its suffering.
Swordsmanship Level Increased! 10 → 11
As Rob reactivated his defensive Skills and chose his next target, something in the monsters' attitudes shifted. Several of them went from stampeding ahead to turning towards him on a dime. Their movements were stiff and jerky, as if puppeteered by an unseen force.
"Hi Elnaril!" Rob twirled his longsword. "Hope you don't mind me Old Yeller-ing your pets here. I'm sad to say that you didn't train them prop–"
The creatures pounced in unison. Claws and fangs savaged Rob's from head to toe, tearing off limbs and pulling apart flesh. A good chunk of his body mass disappeared in seconds.
Platelet Party Level Increased! 20 → 21
1021 Combined Damage Sustained!
"Wow, that's a lot of damage." Rob grinned, blood dripping from the corners of his mouth. "On an unrelated note, guess what Skill just came off cooldown?"
BOOM.
Level Increased! 85 → 86
5 Stat Points Gained!
BERSERKER Level Increased! 83 → 84
BERSERKER Level Increased! 84 → 85
Rob stood in the center of a crater. Living Bomb had ripped the ground open like scooping ice cream. He was once again back to full health, Lifesteal having converted 50% of the damage he'd dealt into HP.
And he'd dealt a lot of damage.
"It's like I said," he whispered, to nothing in particular. "They can't kill me. When I put my mind to it, I'm a better monster than they could ever hope to be."
The thought didn't distress him like it would have back home on Earth. It wasn't so bad, being a monster to monsters. Kept his friends alive, put food on the table...there were worse careers, he supposed.
Rob jumped out of the crater, searching for new targets. Living Bomb wasn't nearly large enough to take out all of them at once. He set his eyes on a fleeing wyvern and gave chase. As the gap closed, he checked his available Skills, and oh would you look at that, Imbue Vitality was off cooldown now.
Swordsmanship Level Increased! 11→ 12
One monster fell. Then another. Then another. Rob alternated his Skills, rotating between whatever abilities were available.
Swordsmanship Level Increased! 12→ 13
More creatures tried ganging up on him. It didn't work.
Platelet Party Level Increased! 21 → 22
Headsman! 4 → 5
He sliced and cut and Firebombed everything in his path.
Pyromania Level Increased! 3 → 4
Until eventually...
Level Increased! 86 → 87
5 Stat Points Gained!
BERSERKER Level Increased! 85 → 86
There was nothing left.
Rob found himself surrounded by a pile of mangled corpses. He tried counting to see if he could reach thirty, then gave up. Too many mixed-up body parts. It was likely that a couple monsters had gotten past him, so he'd just have to hope for the best.
His prayers were answered when he arrived back at base camp. A wide smile split across Rob's face as he counted a mere six monster corpses littered around the outskirts. They hadn't even gotten close. Most importantly, there wasn't a single allied corpse anywhere in sight.
Zero casualties.
Everyone was staring at him with various looks on their faces. Rob didn't bother trying to decipher all of them. They could think whatever they wanted to think – results were what mattered. The coalition may have lost some soldiers in the Harpy attack, but from the monster stampede?
Zero goddamn casualties.
Rob took a bow, then went straight for his tent. He wasn't going to find a better note to sleep on than this. His consciousness faded the moment he closed his eyes.
And the nightmares didn't dare to come for him.
​
--
​
Changes, Character Sheet, Skill List
Thanks for reading!

Even though I knew that it was probably just going to be a hookup, I still wanted to look nice. I spent a lot of time agonizing over the outfit that I’d wear. The black dress showed off some cleavage (not that I had much), but it didn’t really seem very me. The floral blouse and skirt combo on the other hand was much more my speed, but I didn’t know if it looked too frumpy or not. I didn’t really want to show up to my first casual hookup looking like somebody's grandmother.
​
Then there was the choice of underwear. I didn’t own anything that sexy, so I’d bought something just for the occasion. It was comfortable but I didn’t really know if it was me or not.
​
I guess if all went to plan, my clothes weren’t really going to matter, were they? They were probably going to be in a puddle on the floor pretty early into the night, but I still wanted to look sexy. I wanted to make a good impression! Maybe if I did, it might lead to something a little more lasting… I doubted it, but… well, a girl can dream, right?
​
I’ve never had a lot of luck with dating. Putting myself out there isn’t easy. I want to do it! But I just struggle. The moment I try to talk to someone, my voice dies in my throat and I immediately run out of things to say. I struggle to make eye contact. It’s not an attractive look. I’d always imagined that someday my love life would just work itself out and that I’d meet the perfect girl in some charming little meet cute. But by the time I was 32, it still hadn’t happened yet and I was starting to doubt that it ever would. I think that’s why the ad I saw a few weeks ago really got to me.
​
‘Life’s too short to wait for someday! You deserve to find someone! Sign up today and feel the butterflies!’
​
I’d seen worse advertisements for dating sites before, and considering the headspace I was in, signing up for another one didn’t seem like that bad of an idea. Besides, ‘Butterfly’ was supposed to connect queer girls to queer girls and well, I just so happened to be a queer girl so why not give it a try? It’s not like I had a lot to lose. Although I can’t say I did a whole lot better with online dating than I did with in person dating. I just never seemed to know what to say and most of the conversations I had fizzled out pretty quickly when I either got nervous or ran out of things to talk about. I’m an accountant with no social life. Unfortunately I’m exactly as boring as I sound.
​
Then I met Dominique… and she seemed to be able to do the talking for both of us.
​
I matched with her about a week or so after I’d joined up, although I admittedly didn’t think our conversation would last that long though. Dominique was pretty upfront about what she was looking for.
​
“I’m just in town for a few weeks. So I’m sorta looking for a summer fling, you know?”
​
Honestly, I didn’t know. I never really saw myself as a ‘summer fling’ kind of girl. But despite how clear she was on what she was looking for, Dominique was sweet, she was charming and she was easy to talk to, so I let things play out just to see where it went. I mean, I may be a socially awkward introvert but I’ve still got needs! And judging by her pictures, Dominique was a very good looking woman. She had the body of a goddess, tall and tanned with messy red hair, nice arms, and a full set of abs. And while I was pretty sure that she would snap me like a twig if she so much as put an arm around me, I still couldn’t say no to her.
​
When she’d asked if I wanted to meet for dinner yesterday, I hadn’t been able to stop myself and even though I knew that this was probably going to end in meaningless sex, I was okay with that. I ended up unable to pick an outfit and sent a picture of both to Dominique, asking which one she liked more.
​
She picked the skirt and blouse combo, so I went with that. Then, with my heart racing so fast that I could almost hear it and with my legs a little shaky in anticipation of just where this night might lead, I called an uber to take me to meet her.
​
***
​
“Dina! I’m so glad you could make it!”
The way that Dominique greeted me honestly made me blush a little. She already had a table at the restaurant and she stood up to pull a chair out for me. I don’t know how she pulled it off, but she was somehow even hotter in person, with sun kissed skin, hair tied back in a messy bun and warm smile that almost made me melt.
​
“Y-yeah, I’m sorry I’m late!” I said.
“It’s fine! I actually got here a little early,” She said. “I actually kinda love this restaurant. So I might have had a second reason to be excited for tonight!”
“You’ve been here before?” I asked.
​
“Yeah, my sisters and I always go whenever we’re in town. We love Thai. You ever been here before?”
“Once or twice,” I admitted, watching as she sat back down across from me. As she did, I noticed a tattoo on the back of her right hand. It sort of looked like the zodiac sign for Sagittarius, with the point of the arrow resting on the knuckle of her middle finger.
​
“You’re into astrology?” I asked.
“Oh? Yeah, kinda.” Dominique said, “It’s more of a family thing. My sisters and I all got one.”
“Sounds interesting, how many sisters have you got?” I asked.
“Twelve. One for each sign,” Dominique said caually, before correcting herself. “We’re technically not all related, it’s just sorta a… I dunno, like a found family kind of deal, you know? None of us really have anybody else, so we mostly just call each other sisters since it’s basically what we are, and we call our Mother our Mother because… well… you get the idea, right?”
​
“Found family?” I repeated, before stifling a laugh. “That actually sounds kinda wholesome.”
“Yeah, it is for the most part. We’ve been through a lot together. They mean the world to me,” Dominique said. “What about you? Got any family?”
“Eh, yes I don’t keep in touch with them,” I said. “My parents and I sorta stopped being on speaking terms after I came out of the closet… liking girls wasn’t part of ‘Gods Plan’ I guess.”
“Oh… I’m sorry to hear,” Dominique said softly. She reached over to put a hand over mine.
​
“It’s fine! They made their choice! If they never talk to me again, it’s their loss, really!” I said although I couldn’t hide the flush in my cheeks. “So… um… your family, do they…”
“They’re all pretty supportive. And I’m not the only one who’s not exactly straight,” Dominique replied. “One of my sisters even got married a few years back… Vera. She’s the Gemini, funnily enough. Now her wife is also Gemini. I mean, if the shoe fits, right?”
“Really? Sounds like you’ve got a very interesting family,” I said.
​
A waiter showed up and took our drink orders before she could reply to that. Dominique ordered herself a beer, I just got water. Alcohol never really agreed with me.
“So… do you do this kind of thing often?” I asked, when the waiter left.
“Dating? Yeah. I like meeting new people,” Dominique said. “You?”
​
I laughed nervously.
“Not really… this is… um… this is my first time out in about a year, actually. I’ve never really been good at this sort of thing and I’ve never really done anything… you know… casual, before…”
“Well hey, good on you for getting out of your comfort zone, a little!” Dominique said.
“Thanks… I’ve got to ask… these kinds of dates… I’m not implying I’m expecting you to do anything but… you mentioned… I…”
​
My words completely and utterly failed me at this point, and honestly, it was kinda impressive that I’d managed to last so long with her. But here was the inevitable moment where I went and royally fucked it all up. Good job, Dina!
​
Dominique just smiled at me, though as if my flustered babbling didn’t put her off in the slightest. Her hand was on top of mine again.
“Hey… we don’t need to do anything you’re not comfortable with, okay? If you just wanna have dinner, then we’re just gonna have dinner. We’ll see where the night goes, alright?”
“A-alright…” I squeaked, still not entirely convinced that I hadn’t just blown it with her. Her hand was comfortably cool on top of mine, and she gently ran her thumb over my knuckles.
​
I’d been half expecting her to be a little more… I don’t know… straightforward with what she wanted but she made me feel like she really cared about me! Like I really mattered to her! She made me feel so warm and soft and she made my heart race and I just wanted to kiss her and feel her arms around me and… oh God, I was so fucking red!
“Sorry, too much?” Dominique asked, lifting her hand away from mine.
“N-no! Just enough! Just fine! A-okay here!”
​
Was I coming on too strong? Was I not coming on strong enough? How exactly did I let this woman know that I was very interested in kissing her without coming across as a fucking psychopath? She just chuckled, although the waiter brought us our drinks before she could put her hand back over mine.
​
I may have drank my water a little too fast.
“So… you’re an accountant, right?” Dominique asked. “What’s that like?”
“Boring,” I said. “Really… really boring. I mean, I find it interesting. I’ve always sort of had a head for numbers and everything, but most people find it boring, I guess.”
​
Case in point, the people at the next table were leaving. Oh God, I hoped I hadn’t just ruined their dining experience. The people at the table behind us were leaving too, and I caught Dominique eying them warily before her attention returned to me.
​
“Well, maybe it’s not interesting to everyone but, we need people with a head for numbers in the world. My sister Claire’s always been like that. It’s part of why Mom has her running a lot of the family business. Me? I’m more personable. I do better in sales.”
“Is that why you’re in town?” I asked.
“Yeah, meeting up with a client. I probably shouldn’t get into the details, but it’s mostly just a distribution thing. I don’t really need the money, but I like to travel and I like to feel like I’m contributing, you know?”
​
“If you don’t mind me asking, what’s your family business?” I asked.
“Jewelry, clothes, fashion items. Stuff like that. It’s more of a luxury brand, I guess but it pays the bills. I’ve been looking for other oppotunities, though. I figure it might be time for a change of pace. Do something a little more… altruistic, I guess? I mean, jewlery really isn’t the business you get into when you want to save the world.”
“I guess not. What did you have in mind?”
“I dunno. Something… helpful…” Her voice trailed off as she watched the customers at another table quietly get up and leave. The restaurant wasn’t empty yet. But there were only a small handful of people left, sitting alone at a few tables. All of them men, all of them well dressed.
​
Something felt off about this… although I couldn’t exactly tell just what. It almost felt like the men in the restaurant were sitting there, watching us. Dominique looked around at them, before her attention shifted to a man coming out of the back of the restaurant. He appeared to be middle aged, with a full head of thick hair and a large moustache. He wore an expensive suit with a black vest underneath it, and a bolo tie. He sort of reminded me of a cowboy.
​
I saw Dominique’s eyes narrow, but she didn’t say a word.
“That’s funny…” The man said coolly, “Alturism ain’t really common in your kind.”
He stopped by our table, before fixing me in a cold glare that made my skin crawl.
​
“You’d best git, girl. Your date and I have some business.”
I looked back at Dominique, who looked more annoyed than intimidated.
“So can I not just have a night out… or is that against your religion, or something?” She asked.
“Your very existence is against my religion, vampire.” The Cowboy replied.
​
Vampire?
​
I looked over at Dominique. She looked like a lot of things, but a vampire wasn’t one of them! She sighed, and hardly seemed to notice as the other people in the restaurant who’d been watching us rose from their seats.
​
“You know what, my sister Claire told me that this was going to happen… she fucking told me. And you know what I said? I said that you guys wouldn’t be stupid enough to try anything, especially after the other recent ass beatings you got from her and Eris. But here I am, eating my words… good grief…”
Dominique shook her head before looking at me and putting on a sheepish smile.
“I’m so sorry about this!” She said, “I really didn’t think that this was going to happen. You should probably just go.”
​
From the corner of my eye, I saw one of the men surrounding us taking a gun out from his jacket, and felt my heart skip a beat.
​
They were here to kill her.
​
And for a moment the restaurant went silent.
​
They were waiting for me to leave… and it would have been so easy to do it. So easy to run, and let these men… these vampire hunters kill Dominique. I mean, if she really was some kind of creature of the night, that was probably what was best, right?
​
Right?
​
“Well?” The Cowboy said impatiently, “Get a move on, dyke!” I noticed a gun in his belt too.
I felt my entire body tense up… but I couldn’t make myself move. I couldn’t leave her to her fate.
I wouldn’t.
​
Whatever she was, in the short amount of time that I’d known her, she’d been nothing but sweet to me, nothing but kind and understanding and goddamnit even if she’d only done that to get me alone so she could feed on me… hell, I’d probably welcome it.
“N-no…” I said, “You leave her the heck alone!”
​
I caught Dominique raising an eyebrow as I stood up, looking the Cowboy dead in the eye. He looked moderately surprised, before looking back toward his companions and scoffing.
“Welp… you heard her boys. Looks like we’ve got collateral.”
​
I saw him go for the gun and felt my heart stop in my chest. It briefly dawned on me that I’d just tried to talk back to a man with a gun, and that this was about to go exactly as badly as expected.
​
But before he could even get the gun out of his holster, I saw a flash of movement. Dominique lunged at the man with almost blinding speed, grabbing him by the arm and slamming him down into the table between us. The Cowboy hit it hard enough for the table to actually break and he landed at my feet, still alive, but probably no longer entirely sure exactly what day of the week it was anymore.
​
I heard a few guns go off, but Dominique appeared between me and the shooters. I saw one of them collapse dead to the ground, his head burst open like a watermelon and I really should have been more horrified by that than I was.
“She’s a Di Cesare you idiot! Don’t shoot!” I heard someone else cry, although Dominique had moved to subdue the next man before they could do anything else.
​
She moved quickly, grabbing a bowl of pad thai off one of the empty tables and smashing it against his head, before using a shard of that same bowl to open the throat of the next man. They struggled to try and stop her, but Dominique was too fast. The next closest man was grabbed by the shirt and pulled toward her. She sank her fangs into his throat and immediately dispelled any lingering doubts I’d had that she was actually a vampire. She was very clearly drinking that mans blood, and when she was done she kicked him into the last two of his friends who were still standing.
​
“Somebody get the goddamn Malvian stake!” I heard one of them yell, and from the back, I saw two new men coming out, one of them holding something that looked like a stake made out of a pinkish ice. Dominique turned her head toward them, before grabbing one of the nearby chairs and hurling it at the men. Then, her mouth still covered in blood, she ran for me, grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the door.
​
I really wasn’t in any state of mind to fight her, considering the fact that I’d just found out that vampires were real, and watched one kick the shit out of an entire resturant in the span of about three minutes. As Dominique pulled me down the street, toward a sporty red Dodge Challenger, I barely even had time to adjust my glasses before she’d unlocked the doors and was getting inside.
“C’mon, they’re gonna be following us,” She said.
​
I blinked in mild disbelief at the absolutely madness that had just seemed to happen around me before realizing that my legs were already carrying me into the passenger seat of Dominique’s car. The engine roared to life, as she tore out onto the street, while Guns and Roses screamed out over the speakers.
​
Five minutes ago, this had not been the direction I’d figured that this date would go in.
​
It’s amazing what can happen in five minutes.
​
I looked out through the rear view window to see the men that Dominique hadn’t just killed shuffling out of the resturant, onto the street. The Cowboy was among them, and I saw him staring at our car as we sped away.
“Sorry about this,” Dominique said. “I really, really didn’t think these jokers would actually have the balls to take a run at me.”
“Who the heck even are those people?” I asked.
​
“Oh, just some assholes. Long story short… they think they’re the Knights Templar and really hate anything that’s not human,” Dominique said. “They’re not a big fan of a lot of humans either… and my family may or may not have a four hundred year long blood fued with them.”
“Oh…” I said, “Is that all? The rest of your family, you’re all… you’re all…”
“Vampires? Yeah. Sorry… it’s not really the sort of thing you bring up on a first date,” Dominique said, sounding a little embarrassed. “Technically, my sisters and I are a cut above your average vampire. We were actually witches first. The vampirism came later. It’s sorta a whole thing… I can tell you about it later, if you want.”
​
“A vampire witch…” I said, trying to wrap my head around exactly what the hell that was. I couldn’t so I gave up and tried to focus on another one of the millions of questions racing through my mind.
“Were you going to eat me?”
“What?” Dominique asked, “No! I mean… okay, to be fair I probably would have asked after I told you I was a vampire. But just so we’re clear, no. I don’t really feed on the girls I date unless they tell me I can. It’s sort of an ethics thing, you know?”
​
“So where do you normally get your blood?” I asked, a little bit suspicious of that answer (and for good reason.)
“I mean, lots of different ways. There’s a lot of us out there, you know? Thousands at least. Maybe even millions. We’ve got infrastructure. It reduces the need to hunt. Gives us access to either living donors, or blood from a source that’s reasonably fresh. I guess most of us do still hunt for fun, and so long as we don’t leave bodies we don’t really get in any trouble for it. But I generally prefer something a little more personal.”
​
She looked over at me and took note of the look of utter confusion on my face.
“I’m probably not explaining this all that well, am I?” She asked.
“I have no idea,” I replied honestly, “So… you’re not going to kill me, then?”
“No Dina, I’m not going to kill you… hell, I’m actually kinda impressed! That was pretty ballsy of you, standing your ground back there!”
I had no answer for her as to why I’d done that, and I may have just caught myself mindlessly blushing again.
​
From the corner of my eye, I noticed a pair of SUV’s coming up behind us in the side view mirror and looked back at them. They weaved violently through traffic, trying desperately to catch up to us and though I couldn’t see through the tinted windows, I knew who was behind the wheel.
“Jeez… they’re really determined today…” Dominique said under her breath.
“Why exactly do these people hate you again?” I asked.
“About four hundred years ago they tried to kill my sisters and me for being witches, and we kinda responded by becoming vampires… then after they killed one of us, we may have killed a bunch of them in turn, and they never really got over it,” She said. “Like I said, it’s a whole thing.”
“Yeah… clearly…”
​
“I’m kinda impressed that they’re still trying. My sisters and I went out of our way to be hard to kill,” Dominique said. “We kinda cursed ourselves, so that anytime someone wounds us, they get hurt instead. Attribution on the spell can be a little sketchy at times, but it works for the most part. Although that stake they had looked like it’d cut right through the spell… guess they’ve gotten smarter.”
The SUV’s were catching up and Dominique watched them closely as they drew closer.
​
“So, they can’t kill you without that stake, right?” I asked, hoping that meant that we weren’t actually in any danger.
Dominique’s brow remained furrowed.
“I mean it would help… dunno if the spell would help me survive a car wreck, though.”
Her tone implied that she was starting to have second thoughts about the whole ‘getting into a car and driving away from them’ plan.
​
“I don’t suppose you know any witchy things that will get rid of them?” I asked.
“I just might…” She replied, “Here, take the wheel for a moment.”
“W-what?”
She didn’t wait for me to take the wheel, she just let it go and forced me to grab it. I watched as Dominique bit down hard on her finger, drawing blood before reaching up toward the windshield to start drawing some sort of sigil on the glass in her own blood.
​
I kept my eyes on the road, trying to keep us from hitting any of the cars we passed, so I didn’t get a particularly good look at the sigil.
“What’s that supposed to do?” I asked although Dominique didn’t respond to me.
​
The streetlights that we passed started to flicker violently. I watched as Dominique pressed her hand into the center of the sigil, before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. The streetlights around us dimmed, then grew brighter, almost to the point where they were blinding.
“Bruciare,” I heard her say under her breath.
​
The lights grew even brighter, before one by one they started to burst. The explosions from them were blinding, as sparks showered down on the road around us. I heard something that sounded a little bit like a deafening thunderclap, but I couldn’t see a thing! I felt Dominique grabbing the steering wheel from me as we veered into another lane. I looked back to see what was left of one of the SUV’s sailing through a shower of sparks, its cabin looked as if it had exploded, with little left of it but twisted metal and angry flames.
​
Dominique smirked as she saw the totaled SUV, before focusing on the road again.
"Electrical rune. Hell of a shock, right?" Dominique said.
​
Oh, so the magical vampire just deep-fried the religious Knights chasing us with lightning. That was all. I mean, I might have thought it was a little too much but clearly all logic had gone out the window now and insanity had taken hold. I briefly wondered if perhaps I was actually just hallucinating all of this and drooling on the table back at the Thai restaurant while the real Dominique called for a doctor. Or maybe I'd just embarrassed myself so badly that I'd gone completely mad and this was all simply my delusion with which to escape from reality. Who could say, really?
​
I saw the second SUV weaving through traffic behind us. I guess watching their friend explode hadn't dissuaded the driver at all, since they were still coming right for us. Dominique's eyes were on the road. I didn't know if she'd noticed them or not. The SUV sped closer to us before suddenly slamming into our side and the entire car lurched violently as Dominique tried to right it.
"Asshole!" She spat. "Dina, the wheel!"
​
This time I was ready. I grabbed the wheel as Dominique prepared another rune. The SUV was coming to ram us again. They dipped into oncoming traffic to build some distance between us, before suddenly veering closer to try and ram us again.
​
I jerked the wheel to the side, slamming Dominique's car into the SUV before it could hit us and keeping them on the wrong side of the road. Even through the tinted windows, I could see the driver glaring at me... and it wasn't until the last second that he saw the oncoming truck I'd seen about a minute ago. I actually heard him screaming from inside his car the instant before the truck hit him.
​
I wasn't really sure how to feel about that and decided that I'd probably need to process the complex emotions that come with having just killed a man later.
​
Dominique was looking at me with a look of utter bewilderment. She looked back at the truck, then back to me.
"You said to take the wheel!" I said!
"Yes... Yes. I did." She replied, before taking the wheel back from me. She took a hard turn onto a new, slightly less busy road. Around us, I could see some quiet warehouses, telling me we'd ended up in the more industrial part of town.
​
For a moment, everything was quiet, and we sat there in silence, my heart still racing from experiencing my first ever car chase.
"So… I'm guessing you just want me to drop you off somewhere, huh?" Dominique asked.
"Actually…I could still really go for something to eat," I said quietly just embracing the madness. I was hungry. I had not eaten yet. Might as well fix that!
​
"Wait, really?" Dominique asked. "Well… shit, what's around then?"
"I'm really not picky," I said. "What do vampires eat?"
"Whatever we want. The blood is more of a nutritional thing. We only really need it every few days or so We still need to eat otherwise."
"Really?" I asked, "So what happens if you don't drink blood?"
"You basically just waste away," She said, "And usually you go a little bit crazy… it's never happened to me, but I've heard things. It's not pretty."
"Jesus… yeah, that does sound pretty awful," I said. "Wait, was Jesus real?"
​
Dominique shrugged.
"I dunno. I'm only about 400 years old, give or take. Christianity was a thing long before I was born."
"Right… sorry," I said.
"It's alright! I can tell you a lot about the history of Venice and Brazil though!"
​
I was about to take her up on that when I noticed a new set of headlights behind us.
"Oh hell… are there more of them?" I asked, almost exasperated at this point.
"Seriously, how many people do they have?" Dominique asked, "This is getting stupid!”
“How do you deal with this on a daily basis?” I asked.
“Funnily enough we don’t, they usually leave us alone. I heard that somebody’s jonesing for a promotion though and figured they’d take another crack at us… guess they forgot how badly all of their previous attempts went.”
​
The final SUV sped closer to us, and Dominique pumped the brakes, letting him shoot past us. She jerked the wheel hard, pulling into the parking lot of some nearby warehouse, and I saw the SUV desperately trying to make a U turn. I clamped onto the passenger side grab handle (I didn’t actually know what they were called before I sat down to write this. I’ve always called them the ‘Oh Jesus Handle’) as Dominique did a donut, spinning her damaged car to face the entrance to the parking lot she’d just entered. She watched intently as the SUV followed her in, before revving her engine like a complete and total psychopath and rocketing toward the SUV.
​
Normally I would have voiced some concern over her absolutely reckless driving skills, but at this point all I could really say was something that sounded a little like: “OHMYGAWHA ARE OH GAAAAAHHH!”
​
The SUV jerked to the side, trying to avoid being hit by Dominique, who turned her wheel suddenly, doing a wide donut around the SUV. Her tires squealed against the asphalt as the SUV tried to avoid her, heading toward the factory before making another hard U Turn to try and face us again. I could see some muzzle flashes through the SUV’s window and heard the sound of bullets striking the body of the car. One of them must have hit a tire, since Dominique seemed to suddenly lose control and the overpowering smell of burning rubber filled my nostrils. The car spun, and Dominique gripped the wheel tightly, trying to control it. She looked up at the SUV, which was coming around to ram us.
​
Her eyes narrowed.
“Out,” She said.
“But what about-”
“Out!”
​
Before I could say a word of protest, she’d hit the brakes, stopping her spin.
“Go!”
The SUV was speeding toward us. I didn’t want to leave her, but every self-preservation instinct I had was telling me to move! I looked Dominique in the eye. She had a stern, somewhat determined expression. I trusted that she knew what she was doing.
​
I mean, I don’t think I really had a choice but to trust that she knew what she was doing… I got out of the car, running as fast as my legs would let me as Dominique sped away.
​
The SUV followed her, veering to pursue her as her battered car tried to circle around the SUV again. The destroyed front tire of her car smoked and screamed against the asphalt as she made a hard turn, letting her car fishtail. The rear end of it slammed into the front of the SUV, sending it slightly off course, toward the warehouse.
​
Dominique hit the gas again, driving up alongside the SUV and slamming her car against theirs, trying to force them toward the wall. The SUV tried to turn, but couldn’t do so fast enough.
​
Both cars hit the wall and crumpled.
​
I felt my breath catch in my throat.
​
For a few moments, everything went silent. I stared at the cars, waiting for some kind of movement… and when the door of the SUV opened, I felt my heart sink.
​
I watched as the Cowboy dragged himself out of the drivers seat, before his legs gave out from under him. He collapsed onto the pavement, breathing heavily before trying to pick himself up. His hat tumbled off of his head, and he paused to grab it, before gripping the side of his totaled SUV to try and stand again. I saw his eyes shift toward me, although he didn’t say a word. We stood there for a moment, staring at each other from across the parking lot before he reached back into his car and took out the stake I’d seen earlier. The one that Dominique said could probably kill her.
​
He looked back at me, before limping around the back of his SUV, heading for Dominique’s car.
​
I was running for him before I even knew what I was doing. I grabbed at his jacket, trying to hold him back, stop him from getting closer to her. He growled in frustration before slapping me hard across the cheek and sending me crashing to the ground.
​
“Enough!” He snarled, “Enough…”
He glared down at me, and for a moment I thought he was going to use that stake on me.
But he didn’t.
​
“I don’t know what the hell you think you’re trying to protect, girl… but that thing in there… that isn’t a goddamn person. It’s a fucking plague. I dunno why you motherfuckers try and defend these things. They ain’t human! They ain’t people! Not anymore. Killing it… it’s God’s work, girl. And you don’t stand in the way of God’s work. You understand that? He always wins, girl. God. Wins.”
“Fuck God…” I rasped, trying to pick myself up again. “A-and fuck you, Mister!”
​
The Cowboy just laughed breathlessly.
“Ah hell… welp, shoulda known better than trying to reason with stupid, I guess.” He said, before taking a step toward me. I stumbled back, as his gaze fixated on me with a single minded, murderous dedication.
​
Dominique’s engine roared to life. The Cowboy froze, looking back at it with wide, terrified eyes. I took the opportunity to run, getting out of the way before Dominique’s car jerked backward, slamming into the Cowboy and sending him back to the ground with a cry of pain. Dominique’s car door flew open, and I watched as she stumbled out. Blood trickled from the corner of her mouth and she had a few minor cuts on her face from where her windshield had shattered. Her hair was a mess.
​
But she was alive.
“Leave the girl alone… jackass…” She spat, as her car door came off entirely.
The Cowboy brandished the stake he had at her, holding it between them as if it was going to shoot out some kind of death beam that would instantly kill her. Although he didn’t seem to have the strength to actually use it. Dominique stared down at him, before looking back at her fallen car door and grabbing it, dragging it toward him.
​
The Cowboy watched as she came, and I saw a grim resignation settle over his face.
“There’s gonna be more of us, Di Cesare…” He hissed, “So long as your motherfuckin’ family is still alive, we will never stop coming for you. You hear me? God wins, vampire! God… wins…”
“Yeah, you guys have done great so far. This is the closest you’ve come in what, over 200 years? Nice work. I’m sure God’s gonna be real proud of you,” Dominique huffed as she approached. She gingerly kicked the stake out of the Cowboy’s hand. He meekly tried to reach for it, although I grabbed it off the ground, keeping it away from him as Dominique stood over him with the car door.
​
He looked up at her, trying to remain composed but I could still clearly see the terror in his eyes.
“Hail Satan, asshole,” Dominique replied, before lifting the car door and bringing it down hard on his head. I didn’t watch as she killed him. But I heard his skull cracking and from the corner of my eye, I saw his body twitch before going limp.
​
Dominique tossed the broken piece of the car door aside, before looking down at the body, and giving an exhausted sigh. She looked back at her totaled car, frowning and taking a moment to quietly mourn it before leaning against it and letting out an exhausted groan.
​
After a moment, I stepped over the body of the man she’d just killed and stood beside her.
“So… wanna go back to my place?” I asked, looking up at her.
Dominique looked back over at me, and for a moment we just sort of stared at each other.
​
***
​
About thirty minutes later, I was back at my apartment, on my back with Dominique on top of me, having the most intense orgasm of my life. My fingernails dug into her back as she kissed me over and over again. I could still taste my own blood on her lips but I didn’t care. I could see stars and there wasn’t a single coherent thought in my mind.
​
I vaguely remember screaming her name as she sank her teeth into me again, and oh God, why did nobody tell me that getting bit by a vampire felt so fucking good?
​
I felt a little dizzy, but in a good way as Dominique kissed the small bite mark she’d left on my neck. My entire body trembled as she lifted her hand from between my legs, smiling knowingly as she kissed me one more time. I held her close, losing myself completely in this moment, and savoring the sensation of her arms wrapping around me. It was exactly as nice as I’d hoped it would be, and as we basked in the afterglow of what had easily just been the best sex of my life, I felt content.
​
Dominique kissed me on the head, before checking on the bite mark again.
“Still doing okay?” She whispered to me.
“Y-yuh…” Was the only response that I was really able to get out.
“Good.”
​
She kissed me again before playing with my hair and fixing my glasses, chuckling softly as she did. I curled up beside her. Her body was cool to the touch, but she pulled the blanket over us so we’d be warm. I closed my eyes, feeling sleep calling me and quietly wished that Dominique would be staying in town for a little bit longer.
​
Oh well.
​
I had every intention of making the most of our time together.
​
***
​
It’s been about a week after Dominique left, and since then I’ve found myself back on Butterfly. I didn’t think I’d have much success there… especially after what happened with Dominique, but strangely it’s been going pretty good, lately. It’s hard to say what’s changed about me, but I’m finding that I’m having an easier time talking to people lately.
​
I guess once you’ve survived a car chase with a bunch of religious fanatics, talking to strangers online doesn’t seem as scary anymore.
​
I’ve even got another date lined up for tonight! Her name is Piper, and while I don’t think it’s going to be as crazy as my first date with Dominique was, I’ve still got a good feeling about it. For the first time in a while, I feel like things are going to work out for me.

I've always been fascinated by vision. Despite being by far the richest and most detailed sense we have available to us, it's something many of us take for granted. The spectacular range of colors we can perceive paired with the extremely fine resolution of the human eye allow us to paint works of art onto the canvas of our environment at each moment of the day. When I came to university, I wanted to see even more deeply into the world of human vision. Looking back, I wish I'd never thought about it at all.
After a year of basic requirements, and another year of diving into the neurobiology of the eye, I managed to convince one of my professors to take me on as a student in his lab. He works on building a retinal prosthesis, an artificial retina used to help restore vision to people with retinal damage or disease. The technology is still in its infancy, but will lay the groundwork for full visual restoration one day. To be honest, both myself and my professor knew I was underqualified for the position. But he had enough faith in my technical capabilities and drive to give me a project of my own. I have some experience making VR games, silly little projects that went pretty much nowhere but taught me how to use the technology. My professor realized that I could leverage my game-making abilities and the VR technology to solve one of our lab's problems. You see, implanting a microchip into the human retina is no easy task, and nobody really knows the best place to implant it. My first thought was to just put it right in the middle of the eye, in the fovea, where we have the most highly detailed vision. I used to believe that was the only part of human vision that mattered. The only part that could ever tell me anything useful. What a fool.
My professor knew better. It turns out that the fovea is the most detailed part of the eye because it has the densest cluster of sensory inputs, and with our current level of technology we just are not capable of creating a microchip with small enough electrodes to get any meaningful output in such a dense region. We knew we had to implant the chip off center, in the periphery, for it to do any good at all. It was my job to figure out exactly where in the periphery would be the most effective trade off between usable vision and usable microchip. To this end, the lab purchased a relatively cheap eye tracker designed for VR, which still ended up costing several thousand dollars. The lab has a VR room at the very back, a small, windowless box with not much more than a table, a chair, and an old HTC Vive Pro. There is one window embedded into the door itself, a tall, thin slit of reinforced glass that offers the only connection to the outside world. This was where I spent most of my summer days, alternating between writing code and sticking my head into a clunky headset. The experiment was pretty simple: use the eye tracker to find out where I'm looking in VR, and then block out my entire vision except for a small square in the periphery.
It's a real pain in the ass to do anything using just your peripheral vision. Reading a simple sentence becomes a minutes-long ordeal where you have to scan letter by letter, hoping you get them all right and that you don't miss any. What is very clearly a grayscale picture of a panda quickly becomes a blurry gorilla, or maybe a dog, or maybe even a motorcycle. My eyes would start to feel strained after just a few minutes of the experiment, and would be exhausted by the time a full hour had passed. To be honest, I was relieved when my stint in the lab ended at the end of last summer and I needed to focus on my classes again. I don't have a lot of regrets in life, and I think perhaps that's because I haven't done a lot in life. I've spent most of my time desperately pursuing achievements to fill this… hole inside myself. I worked on project after project, things that I didn't care much about but that I thought would make me an interesting person, worth the space I take up. I spent many of my days in the lab wishing I were anywhere else, participating in the world and having fun instead of wasting away in a tiny windowless cubicle. And yet, some part of me just couldn't let go. I had spent so much time on this project, an entire summer! Giving up would make me a failure. I couldn't just let that effort go to waste. God, if only I hadn't been such a fucking idiot.
Anyway, that brings us to today. After another year of classes, summer is finally back, and I'm back in the stifling, beige VR prison that I now call home. With a surge of motivation that can only come from taking a break, I was ready to attack this experiment again and get some science done! After several hours of sifting through my old spaghetti code, and a half hour of testing the rig on myself, my eyes predictably became sore and exhausted, so I took off the headset for a rest. As I lay back in my chair, rubbing my temples, I saw something unexpected in my periphery. Someone was standing right outside the door, looking at me through the thin, vertical window. That was already quite odd, as the VR room pretty much lives in the backrooms of the lab. None of my labmates would make the trek down several corridors of storage rooms and empty offices to get to the VR room without a reason. Yet something in my intuition was screaming a warning, telling me that whoever was out there was certainly not one of my labmates. In an instant, my eyes flicked away from my computer screen and onto the window. It's a motion called a saccade, where human eyes flick around from point to point. They usually take between 20 and 50 milliseconds to perform, and what's especially interesting about them is that our brains actually do not process any visual input while they are happening. This was unfortunate for me, because by the time my eyes came to rest on the window, the grinning face was gone.
I figured my eyes must just be playing tricks on me. I've spent so much time in VR that they probably just want me to go outside and look at some grass. But after another set of trials, my tired eyes again told me there was someone staring at me through the window, a twisted grin on their face. My heart skipped another beat as my eyes instinctively flicked to the window yet again. Nothing. I got up and moved slowly to the window, moving my head to the left, then to the right to get a view of the entire corridor. Totally empty, as expected. And yet, something inside me was still screaming that this was wrong. My stomach writhed and flipped, my heart beating out of my chest. I had seen the face twice now, and I know from my many hours of VR trials that the periphery is blurry, but it doesn't lie. My fear turned to anger as I thought of the possibility of one of my labmates pulling a prank on me, probably trying to give me shit for being out of the lab all year. I wrote a quick, snippy message to the lab slack, saying "Hey yall, if anyone is outside the VR room right now, please stop grinning at me, I'm trying to get work done." Satisfied I had publicly shamed the prankster into submission, I pulled the headset back over my eyes to begin another round of trials.
I began another trial. One of the experiments I've designed uses randomly selected snippets of newspaper text, and places them in the little viewing box for the subject to try and read as best they can. It's a difficult task, but after many hours I've gotten pretty good at it. I began the trial, speaking out each word as I sounded it out. "G… giv… give. M.. e? Me, yeah. Yo… you… your. E… eye… eyes… w- what the FUCK?" With a shriek, I ripped the headset off of my face and threw it onto the desk. My breaths came in bursts as an overwhelming fear gripped a cold hand around my chest. What newspaper would have THAT chilling demand? An article about a psychotic murderer? I quickly clicked onto the desktop view of the virtual environment, and took a peek behind the curtain to see the full text of the article. The same phrase, repeated dozens of times, took up the whole screen. "Give me your eyes give me your eyes give me your eyes give me your eyes GIVE ME YOUR EYES!"
My whole body was rigid. Even my heart had stopped. I slowly raised my eyes from the screen. Instead of looking directly at the window, I slowly inched my view to the left until I could see the window in my peripheral vision. Every microsaccade brought me a new stab of fear as the window slowly entered the very edge of my periphery. My heart sank as I registered a smear of red and white floating at the bottom of the glass. Every instinct screamed at me to look, to foveate on the face and get as much detail as possible about this threat, but I resisted the urge. After so many hours reading words and identifying animals in my peripheral vision, I knew I didn't have to look at the face in order to see it. I moved my eyes slightly closer to the window, bringing the face a few degrees closer to my fovea until I could make out the details. What I saw made my blood run cold.
The face was completely skinless. Red and pulpy, dripping and oozing onto the floor, it bore a demented grin of sharp, skewed teeth. The eyes were pure white orbs, glistening sightlessly with desire. They were slightly offset from where eyes should be, not enough to be completely skewed but just enough to be noticeably uncomfortable. I couldn't see anything below the neck, but at this point I didn't have to. I banished the face from the window with a flick of my eyes, and with inhuman speed I hurled my body towards the door and pulled, flinging it open, ready to sprint the hell out of this building and never look back.
The door opened to nothing but more beige wall.
In shock, I collapsed to my knees, momentarily unable to register what I was seeing. Numbly, I closed the door again. The window still looked out into an empty corridor. A flicker of hope was quickly squelched as I pulled the door open to again see the same stretch of wall. I let go of the handle, allowing the door to swing shut. This time, the window showed nothing but pure darkness.
Just then, I heard a tinny ping from my phone. It was my labmate Jessica, sending a reply to my slack message. It read, "Umm, what are you talking about? It's Sunday, nobody is in lab today. Except you I suppose. Why don't you go take a break?"
I'm not ashamed to admit that I spent a while in a state of panic, hyperventilating on the thinly carpeted floor. This couldn't be happening. It defied explanation. Everything has a rational, scientific explanation! Yet the darkness outside the window… and the skinless face… the chilling demand for me to give it my eyes… This was really happening. I wasn't on any kind of drugs, prescription or otherwise. I have no history of hallucination under any circumstances. Yet the wall blocking my exit was solid as rock.
At least, it was solid as rock. Until I saw a bulge appear in my peripheral vision. It was the outline of the face, upside down and grinning, pushing out of the wall like someone pressing their face against a canvas tent. I let loose another shriek and pushed myself into the desk behind me. As I looked at the face pressing through the beige surface, it slowly pulled back into the wall, leaving a flat surface once more. But in my periphery, two more faces bulged, wriggling and grinning. My choked sobs almost made me miss the subtle scraping from behind me, but a moment later the desk I had been resting against pushed me over. I frantically turned, my eyes flicking between the faces pulling back into the wall and the desk, now blocking the door by several inches. I heard another scraping sound behind me. Still on my knees, I spun awkwardly to see the far wall. It took me a moment to notice, but the electrical outlet in the corner of the room was now half buried in the wall. I struggled to my feet, ready to try the door again in a vain hope of escape, only to bump my head against the ceiling. No matter where I turned, faces sprouted from the walls beside me and scraping could be heard from behind me. The desk where I'd spent so many hours focused on my code now cracked and crumpled as the wall behind it closed in.
I let out a wail, knowing my time had come. The faces all around me undulated in and out of the walls, pressing close to me, reaching for my quivering limbs, hungry for my frantic eyes. Their psychotic smirks seemed to widen with every sound of distress. One of them opened its mouth, tearing a hole through the wallpaper and letting a fleshy, red growth spurt noisily into the room. I tried to move away from it, but by now there wasn't really anywhere to move to. My back pressed against another disgusting face, which opened its mouth and wrapped a fleshy, slimy tendril around my chest. I heard distorted laughter echoing through the now cramped space.
In a moment of clarity, I pulled out my phone and opened the camera app. Setting it on selfie mode allowed me to put the wall behind me into my field of vision. Now, all 6 surfaces around me are in view. The scraping stopped, but by now it's too late. There's barely any room to move in here. The door is almost completely covered by the walls and ceiling. I think the handle got buried in the walls somewhere, I can't even try to open it. I can barely turn my body around. I can see the faces pressing in from the walls in my periphery. The fleshy tendrils growing from their mouths have wrapped around my legs and torso and won't stop squeezing. They keep trying to work their way onto my face, into my eye sockets, but I keep brushing them back. The stink of urine and fear is overwhelming, but I know if I pass out I won't have a chance to wake up again. A part of me wants to just let go. I've minimized my camera app and left it in the corner of my phone while I type this post. I've taken several photos of this situation. It's not easy to see what's happening because of how cramped it is, but hopefully you can get the gist. I called 911 a while ago but it didn't go through. I'm not sure what I would tell the dispatcher even if it did. I messaged the lab building manager on slack for help, but he messaged me back a few minutes later saying that the VR room was empty and asked me what I meant when I said I was trapped. I tried to explain but he thinks I'm pulling a prank. Nobody in my lab can help me, perhaps only people who would be willing to believe my story can do anything for me now.
Please, someone come help me. I don't want to die like this. I have so much to do, so much to see. I can't bear the thought of missing out on so much fun in life, only to have my chance at freedom stolen away from me just before I graduate and finish this project that I never should have taken on. I'm begging you, if you happen to live close by, come to the neuro building, room 140, and save me from this nightmare.
And make sure you pay damn close attention to what's happening in your peripheral vision. It just might save your life.

GamerTag: Plateus
Time: 08:48.553
#2018 Mercedes-AMG GT 4-Door Coupe - A 800
**Stats**
:--:--
**Weight**4388 lbs
**Balance**52%
**HP**671
**Torque**706 lb-ft
**Top Speed**221.5 mph
**0-60**2.825s
**0-100**6.737s
######
[View this tune on optn.club](https://optn.club/formatteNoIgziA0IHYIZVg6Fr0akiCCB1AIhkdAE7HgAO56ay45mZp1dmjiNSHdnbiTIAQLYAXfqwblJKKACYAHAFZIAZgAsykAFkApiQDGOgCY6wAWmxaA4olkAGAIzyABLoPHTF686sAVZ2pm+AD2wSTOAMLBAK4UOoiKsjiIAGwA7A5Q8nZ20LayDgB0iohpdimIairy8qmFaSpptoXysiV50GIdIAA2AEZQKrKFKtAAZlBqDtCKdohdIA45iIgT3WaZ0BsJK527IGVyaZBL41BpyvZnkKAqhWpN3fvPT08Aut1rWNAAljD7C0Q%2FTAAHo%2FnIUpBZJCQBQwD9EHNoHM3kA===)
---
## Build
**Conversions**
:----:
EngineStock
DrivetrainStock
AspirationStock
Body KitStock
######
**Engine**
:--:--
IntakeStock
Fuel SystemRace
IgnitionRace
ExhaustStock
CamshaftStock
ValvesStock
DisplacementStock
PistonsRace
IntercoolerStock
Oil CoolingStock
FlywheelStock
######
**Platform And Handling**
:--:--
BrakesStock
SpringsStock
Front ArbRace
Rear ArbRace
Chassis ReinforcementRace
Weight ReductionStreet
######
**Drivetrain**
:--:--
ClutchStock
TransmissionSport
DrivelineStock
DifferentialRace
######
**Tires And Rims**
:--:--
CompoundRally
Tire WidthFront 285 mm, Rear 345 mm
Rim StyleStock
Rim SizeFront Stock in, Rear Stock in
Track WidthFront Stock, Rear Stock
Profile SizeFront Stock, Rear Stock
######
**Aero and Appearance**
:--:--
Front BumperStock
Rear BumperN/A
Rear WingStock
Side SkirtsN/A
HoodN/A
######
---
## Tune
**Tires****bar****psi**
:----:--:
Front1.7926.0
Rear1.7926.0
######
**Gears****Ratio**
:----:
Final Drive3.47
######
**Alignment****Camber****Toe****Caster**
:----:--:--:
Front-1.0°0.0°5.0°
Rear-1.0°0.0°
######
**ARBs**
:----:
Front32.3
Rear41.0
######
**Springs****kgf/mm****lbs/in****n/mm**
:----:--:--:
Not Applicable
######
**Ride Height****cm****in**
:----:--:
Front
Rear
######
**Damping****Rebound****Bump**
:----:--:
Front
Rear
######
**Aero****kgf****lb**
:----:--:
Not Applicable
######
**Brakes****%**
:----:
Balance50%
Pressure100%
######
**Differential****Accel****Decel**
:----:--:
Front27%10%
Rear75%20%
Center70%

I hit a brick. It was just sitting their dead center in the bike lane, hidden by the shadow of a tree. Luckily, I rolled right over it and stayed upright. Unluckily, I blew out my front tire and cracked my rear rim.
So, what next? I think I can get a replacement rim for the rear from Hunt for 30% off. But given the force the front wheel took, I’m not super confident in its integrity anymore, too. Perhaps I should go to my LBS and get something a little nicer. Maybe in the neighborhood of $1k, plus or minus a bit.
I’d appreciate any suggestions. Also, I was thinking of just taking the entire bike over to the LBS to make sure no other damage occurred beyond the wheels. Thoughts?
Oh, damaged wheels are hunt carbon aero 35.
Thanks in advance!

After rear tire tube change and chain adjustment after reassembly I noticed the chain isn’t riding on the rear sprocket correctly. Have I worn it out or is something else going on? No shark teeth front or back and chain looks alright and has been lubed regularly. Wheel spins smooth on the center stand then hangs up for a bit and the chain shifts on the teeth making the chain super tight then frees up. Chain slack within spec and wheel is centered/properly aligned. Any advice helps thanks!

Ill try and keep this short and if you need more details, i can elaborate.
Highlights
**Land Rover discovery 1 was jumped at a fairly high rate of speed.
Damage
** Lost all 4 tires, broken front driver side rim. Broken from axle. bent axle housing. Steering arm and damper destroyed
Repairs
** Replaced all tires and a new OEM rim for the front
** New Front Axle housing and Axel
** Replaced steering arm and damper
** All new suspension. Shocks and springs. Blistine Shocks with OEM springs
** Car aligns beautifully and drives straight
Remaining Issue
** I have a 1- 1 1/2 inch lean to the passenger side measuring from the top of the tire up to the body (center of wheel well)
I simply cant figure out what is causing it. Car is straight, radial arms are straight, suspension has been checked and rechecked. I spent way too much time learning about this modals suspension, OEM uses different springs in the front. Passenger side spring shorter with wider coils...but I have verified over and over that it is correct. The only thing left to do i guess is redo all the body mounts, but inspection says its not needed. Any thoughts on Im missing here?

Have you ever had the experience of swearing you saw something at the edge of your vision, peering at you from around a corner before? I’m fairly sure a good chunk of people have, maybe even you reading this right now. Regardless of whether you’re in a crowded area such as a mall or school, or home by yourself, you’ve more than likely had that strange sensation of being watched, usually accompanied by a slight shiver down your spine. You’ll snap your head up from whatever it is you’re doing, or whoever you’re talking to. And nothing will be there. But, you always swear that, at the very edge of your vision, you saw something. A slight blur, as if something was there, but seemed to anticipate your move, and pulled back out of sight. I’m fairly certain most of you just end up shaking it off. You shake your head, telling yourself that nothing was there, and go back to what you were doing.
That’s a good thing. Because it’s what keeps you safe. It’s what keeps you alive.
Like many of you, for years, I always wrote seeing the slight blur at the edge of my sight off as a trick of my eyes. “Being so focused on one particular area that the rest of your vision goes fuzzy” as my mother once told me when I, as a child, told her I’d seen something at the doorway to my bedroom. And as I grew older, I simply took it as fact, the way every child takes their parent’s wisdom to heart. And once I became an adult, I simply waved it away completely.
That was, until one night.
You see, as a thirty-something year old bachelor who makes just above the line of adequate pay, I live by myself in a small, one bedroom apartment. It means having to live farther out from the city where I work, but I prefer living alone over not having to make the rather long drive to and from work every day. And, because my free time during the day is close to zero, I also am a bit of a night owl. This particular night, about three and a half weeks ago, I was up late, sitting at my kitchen table with my laptop out in front of me. I was surfing the net, looking for good deals on EBay for a new DVD/VCR combo since my old one broke, when the feeling came over me. The small, but noticeable shiver shot up my spine, and at the upper edge of my vision, just below where my hair began to drift into my eyes, I saw it.
It was a black and silver blur. At least, that’s what it looked like to me. I lifted my head quickly, looking towards the corner I’d seen it. My kitchen is in the back of the apartment, and where the table is set up, I was looking back out into the living room. The bedroom also sits next to the kitchen, and the wall separating the two stretches out a bit, causing a rather large blind spot from where I sat. Of course, when I looked up, there was nothing there. For a few more seconds, I simply sat, staring at the corner. Nothing moved. There was no sound except for the quiet whine of my laptop’s fan, and the hum of the fridge. I snorted. Really, Eddie? You’re jumping at shadowy blurs now? What are you, eight years old again? And with a shake of my head, I went back to the computer screen.
The hours seemed to pass by at an accelerated pace, and to my surprise, when I checked the clock at the bottom right of my laptop screen, the time said quarter to three in the morning. “Holy crap, I stayed up too friggin’ late!” I whispered to myself. I’d barely be getting four or five hours of sleep. And so, with a yawn, I shut my computer down and put it back into its carrying bag. As I stood up, though, a slight feeling of apprehension wiggled its way to the forefront of my mind. I lifted my head from zipping up the bag and again stared at the corner. This time there was nothing there. No blur at all. Recalling what my mother had told me years ago, I stood up and slowly stepped into the center of the kitchen, where I could see around the corner. I felt a small pang of embarrassment at the relief that washed over me as I saw nothing was there.
“What next, you gonna start believing in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus again?” I muttered to myself. And with that, I entered my bedroom, shutting the door behind me and climbing into bed. For a moment, the image of the blur danced behind my eyelids. And then the sandman overtook me, plunging me into a deep and dreamless sleep.
The next day passed by like I was wading through quicksand. Of course, it likely had to do with how tired I was. But I got through the day, and soon enough, I was back home. This time, I resolved to get to bed before midnight. One AM at the latest. So I didn’t go on my computer. Instead, I watched some TV, and indulged myself in a few online matches in Battlefield 1. Soon enough, the clock sitting next to the TV displayed 12:35 in big red numbers. Alright, time for bed, I thought, and stood up, shutting off the TV and Xbox. I decided that I would get myself a drink before bed, and moved to the fridge. Opening it, I pulled a pitcher of juice out, and grabbing a glass from a nearby cabinet, poured myself some. The cold liquid felt good sliding down my throat, and I let out a relieved sigh. For a moment, I closed my eyes. Apart from the sound of a diesel truck passing by outside, and the ticking of the clock over the sink, all was silent. And I loved it. I placed the glass in the sink to wash tomorrow, and turned to take the pitcher back to the fridge.
And nearly dropped it at what I saw. As I turned around, I had a clear view across the kitchen and living room toward the small alcove where my front door sat. And for just a second, I saw the same black and silver blur, pulling back out of sight from the edge of my vision. Except this time, I know it wasn’t just a trick of my vision, or a strand of hair flashing in front of my face. “Hey!” I reflexively yelled out. I didn’t expect any response, and I didn’t get any. But now I knew for certain. There was something, or someone there. I felt my pulse rapidly quicken, and my heart began to beat like a drum against my chest. Fucking great, did someone decide to break in and try to burgle my apartment, of all places tonight? I looked around quickly for something to defend myself. My eyes fell upon the block holding all my kitchen knives, and moving quickly, I pulled the largest one out and turned back towards the entryway.
There was no movement now, but I noticed a change in the atmosphere. Gone was the simple, vacant air the apartment always held. Now, it seemed to contain a charge to it. As if seeing the figure had been something they hadn’t planned on. As if I weren’t supposed to have seen it. Probably figured I’d already be in bed. Well, they have a massive surprise coming their way. I cleared my throat. “You back there” I called out simply. Again, there was no reply. I spoke again. “Look, I saw you there peeking around the corner of the entryway. The jig is up. I don’t want a fight right now, so, I’ll make you a deal. If you turn around right now and leave, I won’t call the cops on you, and I won’t come at you with this knife. Just, go find someone else to rob, okay?”
Still, there was silence. But the tension in the room seemed to have racked up more than a few notches at my words. I waited for a minute, feeling my temper begin to flare. Does the dumbass seriously believe that if he stays quiet, I’ll believe he’s not there and go to bed or something? It wouldn’t be a surprise; the people who usually broke into houses and apartments in my neighborhood were usually strung out on the drug of choice for the week, or, in all truthfulness, simply not that bright. I let out an annoyed growl. “If I have to come over there to get, it’s not gonna end well for you” I said. At six feet even, and in good shape, I could easily take on whoever it was.
The silence was almost deafening. Okay, the hell with this, man. I strode quickly across the room, the knife held out in front of me in a vice like grip. I stopped for a moment, drawing in all my strength and reflexes. For a moment, though, an odd sensation seemed to wash over me like a wave. To my surprise, it was a bolt of fear. But, fear of what? Yes, it was a bit dangerous to about to confront a cornered intruder, but fear shouldn’t be one of the experienced emotions. Shaking it away, I put all the muscle into my legs, and leapt around the corner.
There was nobody there.
For a moment, I simply stood there, feeling dumbfounded. “Uhhh….what?” I blurted out. I knew for a fact I’d seen someone there. It hadn’t been a trick of my eyes. And I hadn’t heard the front door open. In fact, looking down at it now, I saw the little knob on the door handle was, in fact, twisted into the locked position. As I stared down at it, a sudden, huge shiver rushed up my spine, combined with the feeling of being stared at intensely. In fact, it almost felt as though whoever were doing the staring, were almost directly behind me-shit!
On instinct, I whirled around, slashing out with the knife as hard as I could. But again, there was nothing. No one stood behind me. The oddest thing, though, was that as soon as I spun around, the feeling of eyes boring into the back of my skull ceased. As if the watcher had simply blinked out of existence the moment I turned. But the tension in the apartment didn’t go away. In fact, it almost seemed to intensify. And it kept me on edge. Enough to the point that I searched the entire apartment. I went into the bathroom, drawing back the shower curtain. I went into my bedroom and opened up the sliding doors to the closet. I even opened up both closets in the living room, pulling out all the coats and boxes someone could hide behind. But I found nothing. No trace of anybody. Even still, though, when I went to bed, I locked the door to my bedroom behind me, just in case. And I slept with the knife on my bedside table.
The next morning, when I awoke, the feeling had vanished from the apartment. It was almost as if the daylight had banished the tension filled aura away, and I was glad for it. Along with the fact that I had a full day of work ahead of me. And so, with a final look around, I locked the front door behind me, climbed into my old, but well taken care of Mitsubishi Starion, and made the two and a half hour drive into the city for work. The day passed by without much fuss, aside from a mandatory team meeting my dickhead boss decided to impose on us during our lunch break. The monotony calmed me down somewhat, and I began to mentally tease myself for how bent out of shape I’d gotten last night. I even decided to tell some of the guys at the water cooler about it.
Everyone, of course, had a good laugh over it. “Well, Ed, if I ever need someone to slice away at the dark emptiness of my house, I’ll be sure to give you a call!” Mark, one of my coworkers joked, causing everyone, including myself, to guffaw some more. The joking shoved it completely out of my mind, and before I knew it, the evening had arrived. I packed up my belongings back into the car and made the journey back home, still chuckling a bit to myself and humming along to the songs playing on the car’s radio. As I pulled into my apartment building’s parking lot and into my space at close to ten at night, however, I saw something which tore away that relaxed, relieved emotion from me like it’d been a loved one in the grip of a tsunami.
My complex is set up in a U formation with two floors, sort of similar to how an older built motel looks. My apartment was the second one on the top floor, and from where I sat in my car, I could look up and see the living room window of my place between the slats of the walkway’s railing. As I always did, when I left, I’d twisted shut the white venetian blinds so nobody walking past the window could look into my place.
Someone was peering down at me from between the blinds. From between my blinds.
I felt my blood turn to ice as I saw the obvious parting in the middle of them, signifying someone was pulling down on a section of them. And then doubly so when they, just as quickly, snapped back into position. Shitttt, I mentally hissed. I fumbled around in my coat pockets, looking for my cell phone. I let out a groan as I suddenly realized I’d forgotten it when I’d left home that morning. Which meant it was up there. With them. “Shit” I hissed again, out loud this time. I gazed around for a moment at the darkened windows of the other units. But I knew none of my neighbors would be of any help to me. Long gone were the days of neighbors looking out for each other; they would, inevitably, tell me to either find a way to call the cops myself, or straight up tell me to go fuck myself, that it wasn’t their problem. Which, unless I wanted to drive straight to my local police station, over twenty minutes away, the only other option was…to go in myself.
Hissing through gritted teeth, I pulled the door handle and kicked the door open, letting the chilly night air flood into the car’s interior. I reached down and yanked on the trunk release before climbing out and slamming the door. Crossing to it, I pulled the glass hatch up and fumbled around inside for a moment, before withdrawing a tire iron from the mess of crap cluttering up the trunk. Slamming the hatch closed, I took a deep breath, then, leaving my car’s engine running in case I needed to make a quick getaway, I took the stairs to the top floor two at a time. A moment later, I was standing at the head of the landing, staring at the Tweety-Bird yellow painted door of my apartment. My heart pounded in my chest as I took a step forward, reaching out slowly and gripping the handle in one hand. I gave it a small twist to see if it would turn.
But it stayed in place, showing that the door was still locked. Or, whoever’s in there locked it behind them. Swallowing a bit, I reached into my pants pocket for my house keys with my free hand. Pulling them out, I slid them as quietly as possible into the lock in the center of the doorknob. I took a deep breath, knowing as soon as I twisted the key, the doorknob would turn with it as well. “God, please don’t let me get jumped as soon as I step inside” I quietly whispered towards the dark sky. I let out the deep breath, then raised the tire iron over my head and twisted the key.
The knob turned, and I immediately pushed the door open. It swung inwards, before hitting the wall with a soft clunk. The porch light cast a long, narrow shaft of light into the dark room beyond, reflecting off my flat screen TV on the far side of the living room. Aside from that, though, the place was as dark and silent as a tomb. My pulse quickened as I slowly reached inside, my hand searching for the light switch. Part of my feared that, as I blindly searched, I’d suddenly feel a vice like grip seize my wrist and pull me into the dark. The mental image sent a shiver of fear through me, just as my fingers found the plastic switch. Flicking it on, the living room suddenly became awash in the bright overhead light. Still holding the tire iron over my head, I took a tentative step inside. The atmosphere in here had changed again. Gone was the tense one which had accompanied seeing…whoever the other night. In its place was….an almost threatening one. And realizing it set me even farther on edge.
Moving quickly, I leaned around the corner, giving me a glimpse of the kitchen beyond. Both it, and the living room were empty, from initial appearances, anyways. But that still left the bathroom, and the kitchen. Something caught my eye, however, which filled me with relief. My cell phone still sat where I’d left it, in the middle of the living room coffee table. I moved slowly, trying to stay as quiet as possible so whoever was hidden wouldn’t realize I was going for my phone and bum rush me. I held my breath as I passed by the half open doors of both my bathroom and bedroom, stepping around the couch and picking up my phone. I decided right there and then, that I’d step back outside and call the cops. There was a fine line between being courageous, and being suicidally stupid, and searching this place on my own, with just a tire iron to defend myself, especially knowing someone was hiding somewhere in here, was firmly on the latter side of that line.
I turned to begin walking quickly back to the open front door. But something stopped me. Something which made me freeze. There was a small section of eggshell white wall between the door to one of my closets, and the bathroom door. Something had been written there. No, not written, I realized. It had been scratched into the wall. My eyes flashed over the three words etched into the paint and plaster. Videre nos potest. My head swam with confusion, trying to place what language it was. That was when I felt my heart almost stop in my chest, my breath along with it.
Out of the left corner of my vision, I saw the door to my bedroom had slowly, but noticeably swung open a bit. That wasn’t what had caused my heart to skip a beat, though. It was seeing the black and silver blur again. Ohhhhh, shit. Before the thought had finished in my head, I was dashing for the door. Out of the corner of my vision, there was a sudden blur of movement as the black and silver figure came flying out of the room. It never made a sound, though. I dodged it, somehow, and flew around the corner, snatching the doorknob in my free hand and yanking the door shut behind me. Twisting the keys to the right to lock the door again, I tore them from the lock and thundered back down the stairs, yanking the door to my car open and crashing into the driver’s seat. Slamming the door shut and locking it, I dropped the tire iron and fumbled with my phone.
As the voice of the emergency dispatcher came on the other end of the line, and I stumbled through explaining what had happened, I kept my gaze locked through the windshield on the front door and the living room window. I swear I saw the blinds part again as I heard the wail of the police sirens approaching.
When the police arrived, I jumped out of my car and quickly explained what had happened. They took my house keys from me and with their pistols drawn, climbed quickly up the steps to my place. With neighbors opening their doors and parting their blinds to see what was happening, they unlocked the door and quickly entered. A few minutes later, they both reappeared and waved for me to come up and join them. “I’m sorry sir, but whoever it was, they’re gone” one of them said to me. He then showed me that the window in the back of the apartment, which was in the back of the kitchen and opened out onto a main road, had been opened, the mosquito screen having been cut to allow someone to jump out. I stared out and down at the two story drop. It would hurt to jump from this height, but it’s doable, I thought. The cops again did a sweep of the apartment, turning the entire place upside down with me there, and again, found no one. They both promised to stay the night outside, to keep an eye on the place in case the person attempted to try and come back, and would make sure an officer was posted outside for the next week or so. It made me feel more than a bit better.
“What about the writing scratched into the wall?” I asked them, pointing to it. The first officer shrugged. “I honestly don’t know, sir” he said, giving me an apologetic look, “That’s a language I’ve never seen before” That’s when the second spoke up. “It’s Latin” he said simply. We both looked at him. He was staring at the writing with a bit of a confused, if not apprehensive look on his face. “But what freaking low level criminal knows Latin?” he murmured quietly, more to himself than us. “Well, what does it say?” I asked him. For a few seconds, he didn’t answer, then he finally turned and looked at me.
“He can see us. That’s, roughly, what it says”
I felt a massive chill shoot up my spine at his words, though I couldn’t understand why. Not at the time.
As promised, the officers watched over the apartment the rest of the night. And for the next week, there was always at least one cop car sitting outside. It was also, thankfully, quiet that next week. I was almost able to feel completely calm, putting the frightening experience out of my mind and allowing my life to regain a bit of normalcy. I didn’t feel any sensation of being watched. One thing I did do, though, was type the Latin words into Google, in an attempt to see if anything came up. But nothing did. I decided to push the last remnants out of my conscious mind. And as the weekend came, I looked forward to sitting on the couch, playing video games all night, and having a bottle of Hypnotiq to myself. Saturday night, I played until almost one in the morning, before stumbling my drunk ass to the bed. I passed out almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.
I’m honestly not sure what woke me up. But when I slid my eyes open, it was still to darkness. I felt my head begin to spin, showing that I wasn’t fully sober yet. I shot a look at the bright red glowing numbers of the clock on the bedside table next to my head. 3:30AM. Ugh, what the hell? Do I have to piss? What woke me u-
Everything stopped. My mind froze mid-thought, and my heart fluttered in my chest. My breath hitched in my chest as my eyes adjusted to the dark, staring across the room. I was looking at my bedroom closet, which, when I’d fallen asleep, I’d looked over and seen it closed. But now, as I stared, I realized the sliding right door had been pulled back some. A chill ran through me. And then it was replaced by a bone chilling shiver of fear as my eyes locked on to something else. Something which stared at me from around the edge of the half open closet door.
It was the black and silver blur. Except this time, it wasn’t a full on blur. I’m not sure whether it was the darkness or the alcohol still flowing through my veins, but…I could see it a bit more clearly now. I couldn’t see much. Just what looked like two large, very dark eyes, glaring at me. I felt frozen in place, fear quite literally paralyzing me to the bed. As I lay there, my eyes widened to the size of saucers, I slowly became aware of something else. Something which I’ll never forget, which I can still hear in the silence. It was whispering. It was a soft, hissing voice, sounding as grating as sandpaper, but it almost seemed to be growing in intensity. As if it knew I was awake and was staring at it. And it was not even remotely happy about it. The words were indistinguishable at first, but as the voice grew louder, the words became clear. But they weren’t words I knew. Or a language I knew.
“Tolle qui nos videre potest. Tolle qui nos videre potest. Tolle…qui nos videre potest!” I recognized some of the words as the same as the words written on my wall. It was speaking in Latin. The voice grew angrier and angrier, turning from a hiss into almost a demonic growl. And then, it went deadly silent. It almost seemed as though the entire world had gone dead silent, as if everything were being sucked out of the world.
That’s when I saw the hand reach up from underneath the bed to grab onto the sheets, less than a foot from my face. A hand which more resembled a claw, tipped with five razor sharp fingernails. There’s more than one….and it’s under my fucking bed!
Seeing that hand…that claw reaching up from under the bed broke the paralyzing hold that had come over me. I flew up in bed, flinging the sheets up and forwards and letting out an involuntary scream. Instantly, there seemed to be a world of motion in the bedroom. Black and silver blurs seemed to appear from everywhere. From the closet, from under the bed. Even from inside my armoire I used to store candy, books and CDs. And they were all coming for me.
But I was already moving, practically flying for my open bedroom door. Behind me, I caught the blurs following after me. They were terrifyingly fast, but they stayed silent. Silent, that is, except for the mantra they all suddenly began to angrily whisper. The same words I’d heard the one in the closet angrily hiss. “Tolle qui nos videre potest!” they chanted, just loud enough for me to hear. But not enough for anyone else in the complex to. I ran through the bedroom door, grabbing it and slamming it shut behind me. A moment later, I felt the push from the other side as whatever the things were attempted to force it open. Looking around, I spied a kitchen chair within reach and grabbed it, forcing it under the handle to block the door.
I knew it wouldn’t hold for long, though. I could hear the creatures practically throwing themselves at the door. I used the time I had to grab my computer bag, along with the clothes I’d left strewn on my living room floor and my cell phone. I’d just snatched my car keys from their hook, when I realized they’d gone silent. The assault on the door stopped. For a split second, I felt a wave of relief. And then I saw something out of the corner of my eye from the kitchen. My blood turned to ice as I realized the cabinet doors under the sink were beginning to open. And that demonic growl of a mantra was beginning to pour out from under it. So was my bathroom door. And both closets. “Oh, fuck me” I whimpered, then dashed for my door, snatching up my sneakers as they rushed out from their new hidey holes.
I unlocked and threw the door open, dashing out into the night and yanking it shut behind me. Bolting down the steps, I jammed the key into the door of my car and unlocked it. I piled into the driver’s seat and yanked the door shut, slamming down on the lock button. Forcing the key into the ignition and twisting it, the engine roared to life. I knew I should simply call the cops, but I knew at this point, if I did, when they arrived, they’d all have disappeared. Maybe even make it look like another person had jumped out the window again They're THAT smart. Instead, I jammed the shifter into reverse and peeled out of the parking lot. As I left, I saw the blinds part again. As they watched me go.
I haven’t been back to my apartment in weeks. I drove all through the night, fighting back the waves of nausea from the alcohol still in my system until I made it to the city where I work. I rented a motel room, and ever since then, I’ve been staying there. I figured I could just eventually have movers go and collect my things from the apartment, and give my thirty day notice. There was no way I was ever going back there.
I thought I would be safe in the city. I thought I would be safe anywhere else but my apartment. That they were bound to the place.
I was wrong. So very wrong.
Because I’ve started seeing them everywhere now. I’ve seen them while out in crowded places such as the mall or Wal-Mart. I’ve seen them in my coworker’s houses when I’m invited over by them as they tell me they’re concerned about how I’m beginning to act. I’m even seeing them at work. Peering at me from around the corners of hallways, from behind the water cooler. I’ve even caught them glaring at me from around the corner of my office cubicle. They whisper that horrible Latin mantra to themselves, now added with evil chuckles. And whisper it to me. I ended up entering the phrase into Google Translate, to understand what they were saying. But wish I never had. Because knowing meaning of the words fills me with an existential dread and terror I’ve never felt before.
Take away he who can see us
You need to listen to me now. You, reading this account I’m posting. I don’t know what these creatures are. I wish I did, because then, I might have some way of fighting back against them. I don’t even know what they fully look like. I’ve only seen their eyes. And their clawed hands. The only thing I can deduce, is that they are incalculably old. Centuries old. Maybe even eons. I now understand that those blurs I saw all throughout my life, from the corner of my vision, were them. They’ve lived alongside us for all of humanity’s existence, staying just out of sight. They like it that way. They don’t like us humans knowing about them.
But I know others, not just myself, have likely seen them.
How many strange cases of people disappearing in their homes, with all the doors and windows locked from the inside have you heard about. I know I’ve heard more than a few. And I think I know what happened to them. They saw these creatures. And when they realized the people could see them? They came for them. They wore them down, mentally and physically. Like they’re doing to me now. I’m afraid to fall asleep. Afraid I’ll wake up to see them right in front of me. I feel so weak now. I couldn’t fight them off if I tried. They know that. They knew that about the others. And that’s when they dragged them away….to God only knows where.
I know I'm going to find out soon enough.
Because all of today, they’ve been getting closer. I caught one trying to grab my leg under my desk. That wasn’t the scariest encounter I’ve had. The worst was driving back to the motel. Looking in the rear view mirror of my Starion. And seeing one of them glaring at me from just behind the rear seat. It caused me to nearly crash into a telephone pole. I’ve locked myself in my motel room, which is where I’m writing this. I don’t have much time left. They’re beginning to poke their heads out from everywhere in here. Multiple have popped their heads up from under the bed, watching me frantically typing this out on my laptop. And they’re all laughing at me. Today is when they're going to take me. They know I know that. I can’t do anything more now. I can’t run from them anymore. I’m too tired. Too weak.
But I can do one final thing. I can warn you. I can post this account here as a warning. I know for a fact most of you won’t believe me. And that’s fine. It may even be what saves you in the end.
But please, listen to me when I say this. If you ever think you see something peering at you from around a corner? If you ever catch a glimpse of a black and silver blur disappearing just out of sight? Don’t investigate it. Just ignore it. Tell yourself it’s nothing, and go about with your lives.
Because you don’t ever want them to realize you can see them.

Hi guys,
I wanted to share my experience with my “lemon” 2023 Tesla Model S. I purchased the car in late December of last year and have had several ongoing issues with the car. I’ll list them below:
• Vibrating steering feedback not related to tire rebalance or alignment. Steering jerk when hitting bumps at certain angles.
• Recurrent Issues with suspension (noise, air suspension warnings, clacking and clunking over bumps)
•Door handle issues, 3 handles replaced and one interior door panel replaced
• Charger door rubbing paintwork (replaced twice)
• Panel gap issues on rear
• 3 mirror replacements (internals of mirrors) for malfunctioning tilt and adjustment functions
• 2 replacement lift gate buttons (recurrent issues with trunk not opening)
• Glass on lift gate nicking the roof glass causing crunching noise
• Tire sound deadening replacement due to no adhesive applied to inside of tires
• Driver seat replacement for rattling and squeaking, passenger seat adjustments and fixes multiple times for same issue
• Intermitted issue with acceleration delay with an error code stating front motor was “sporadic”
•GPS consistently 30-120ft off causing issues with FSD and navigation
• Water and Air penetration in driver door and wind noise from roof & driver window.
•Faulty/loose weather stripping
•Air conditioner making loud gurgling sound every time the car is turned on for 30-60 seconds.
•Exterior black trim discoloration
•MULTIPLE issues with interior trim squeaking /quality issues
•Paint defect in hood causing mild rust spot
•Instrument cluster intermittently going black when driving, even highway speeds. & sometimes when in park.
All in all, you can probably guess I’ve been super frustrated with my second Tesla. As my 2022 Model 3 performance had little to no issues.
I also wanted to note that the car has been serviced 7 times, over about 15 days. And many of these issues still persist. I have put about 3600 miles traveling to service and back due to a 600ish mile round trip from my house to the closest service center. They did perform ONE mobile service for my car. I’ve also had to take 6 days off work to deal with the car.
I have recently been told by the service manager of my service center that he has submitted proper paperwork to request this car he repurchased/exchanged by Tesla corporate. I also sent a demand letter to them roughly 3 weeks ago explaining all the circumstances. I spoke with a local lawyer who seemed very confident that I had an outstanding lemon case in my state, but I am trying to work with Tesla in hopes they will make me whole without dragging this to court.
As of early last week we are awaiting Tesla Corporate’s response, which could take up to 30 days according to the service manager.
I am hoping to hear some feedback from anyone who has had a similar experience with Tesla, and also wanting to share my story & experience with the lemon law process.
I’m hoping they will do a direct exchange, which may allow me to upgrade to the plaid due to the extreme price cuts, but if not available I will pursue a full buyback. However I am reconsidering if I even want a Tesla after this cluster*uck of an experience. The car was 113k when I purchased.

Dear Blake, I know what you’re thinking. Don’t do it. I’ve been with you here before, in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet, holding mom’s bottle of Ambian, and shaking, hesitating…just…just waiting to commit. You’re sad. I know it. Downright despaired! Nobody cares about you enough to notice anything’s wrong. They’re too busy with their own lives to give yours any credence. Honestly, they probably wouldn’t notice you were gone until you started to stink up the place. That’s why you’re in the bathroom. They have to go in there. They have to notice it’s locked. Eventually, they’ll get fed up with knocking and just bust it down, and right when they’re ready to deliver the lecture, BAM! There you are. Then they’ll know. No, that’s not it…You’re angry, filled from toes to nose to crown with boiling rage. How dare they treat you the way they do! You aren’t trying to be the center of the world, you don’t even care for attention all that much, but you’d at least like the option. Why don’t they drop in and ask if you want to do something or go somewhere. Sure, you usually say no, but what teenager doesn’t? It would be nice if they at least bothered to try. That’s what they’re supposed to do – try! But, no. The only time they talk to you is when you get a bad grade or they need to “correct” some stupid faux pas you made so they don’t look like complete idiots. No…that doesn’t seem right, either. You don’t know how you’re feeling, do you, Blake? That’s the problem. If you did, you might be able to follow through and take the pills. It’s not weakness, it’s confusion. If you’re going to commit to something so momentous, you may as well know why. I know why, Blake. I know exactly why, and I want to help you. You’re depressed, you just don’t know it, and you wouldn’t want to admit it if you did. That’s okay. Tell me if this sounds familiar: you’re hungry, angry, lonely, tired, and scared, all at the same time. And with it all, you don’t have the energy, much less the desire, to go anywhere, to break out of your bubble and interact in any meaningful way. You don’t feel like you’re worthy of it. How could you be? I’m in your head, Blake. You see your peers living it up and just owning who they are. Look at Brianna. She’s not the valedictorian, but she’s smart enough to be. She just knows there’s no reason. She dances, does community service, has a job, and tons of friends. With a resume like that, and the test scores she humble brags about, what school wouldn’t want her? And now look at you, a sniveling baby, sitting on a toilet, trying not to cry too loud while you shake and hold onto Mommy’s sleeping pills. But all right, it’s okay. Intelligence isn’t everything. You don’t need to be as driven as Brianna. You’d take being Jad. He’s so effortlessly good at the drums, and he’s just so confident in himself. The girls swoon over him, right? It’s a little weird, because, honestly, you don’t think that he’s all that good-looking. At the very least, he can’t be that much more attractive than you, can he? Yet, somehow, he always seems to be flanked by a bunch of thirsty girls while you awkwardly try to talk through messaging apps. They probably laugh at that, the girls. They laugh at your meek attempts to get their attention. You’d feel bad if they talked about you like that, but the sad truth is, not only do they not talk about you, they probably don’t even know who you are. It’s like all the shows and movies about the geeky loner who has greatness thrust upon him and all his fortunes turn around, except you are just utterly unremarkable as you sit on the toilet, trying not to cry too loud while you shake and hold onto Mommy’s sleeping pills. I know how you feel, Blake. I’ve thought these thoughts. I’ve been in the same cloud you have many times. That confusion, that hopelessness is overwhelming. Listen to me: there’s nothing wrong with you. These feelings, they’re not what you should be feeling, not what you deserve to feel, but they are normal, and they will pass. Take a deep breath, count to five, put the lid back on, put the bottle in the cabinet, and get out of that bathroom. I know it’s hard to believe, but high school will end, and with it all the drama and angst that goes with being a teenager. College will come and go even faster, and before long you’ll be out of the competition and into your own. Believe me, I know every adult you’ve ever met has told you the same thing. I know it’s hard for you to think that far ahead. I mean, if you want to get mathematical about it, I’ve lived through five years about seven times and you’ve lived through five years only three times. It’s a weird comparison, but think about what that means. Compared to me and other adults, time has to feel so long for you. Ten minutes for you is like five minutes for me…maybe that’s not true, but I think the spirit of it is close enough. The point is, no matter how bad you feel now, those feelings will go away with time. They’ll come back, but they aren’t the norm, and they aren’t your Fate. Somebody told me something once, I can’t remember who. Maybe I just heard it somewhere. Doesn’t matter. I’d like to share it with you, because I believe it. We are the sum of our choices. This, taking these pills, is a big choice, Blake. It’s more consequential than any other decision you’ve ever made. More importantly, Blake, once you make it, that’s it – you can’t undo it. We may make mistakes, and some of those mistakes will be really, really bad, but until we draw our last breaths, we have the chance to shift the balance of our decisions toward something we can take pride in. We can’t erase the mistakes, but we can do our best to own up to them, to seek redemption, and to help ourselves avoid making them again. Not with this, though. Worse, no matter what other good we’ve done in our lives, regardless of how we’re remembered, there’ll always be that horrible asterisk that outshines everything else. When people think our names, they’ll automatically think of the word – suicide. I won’t patronize and ask you if that’s really what you want, I know it’s not. It has to be said, though. It has to be said, Blake. But I know how this story ends, and I’m proud of you for it. More than that, I’m grateful. Choose differently now, and not only do you remove yourself, but you erase me, this letter, and everything else I love. It’s because of you that I’m here now, Blake. And, without going too deep into it, let me just say that all these things I’ve told you here, you’ll come to appreciate. You’re going to be okay, buddy. You’re going to be okay. It starts with making the right choice now, the healthy choice. Do yourself a favor, Blake. Put the cap back on, put the pills in the cabinet, get out of that bathroom, and go talk to someone. Talk to Mom. Talk to Dad. Talk to Jim. You don’t have to tell them, just talk to them. Remind yourself that there are people who love you. Remind yourself that the mean, evil thoughts in your head are your own insecurities trying to rile you up. Remind yourself that the stupid things people say to you in class or in the hallway are just dumb teenage drama, kids trying to get attention by being as wild, rebellious, and ridiculous as they can be. It’ll pass. You’ll learn to recognize those thoughts for what they are, to use them as motivation to be better. You’ll see those same bullies become kind and compassionate because they have children, and they recognize that there are people out there who act like they acted and they don’t want to see their child be treated the way they treated you. All the while, the people you love will still be there, same as ever, because they need you like you need them. Most importantly, nothing is forever, Blake, the bad or the good. Make the most with what you have. Ride out the bad because you know it will end. Appreciate the good because you never know how long it will last. Most of all, love yourself Blake. Put the cap on, put the pills away, and get out of that bathroom. Don’t lose sight of your hope for the future for traumas in your past. It’s easier said than done, I know, but, trust me, it’s worth the effort. I love you, Blake, and I’m grateful for you and all you do. Take care, buddy. Love, Blake

Dear Blake, I know what you’re thinking. Don’t do it. I’ve been with you here before, in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet, holding mom’s bottle of Ambian, and shaking, hesitating…just…just waiting to commit. You’re sad. I know it. Downright despaired! Nobody cares about you enough to notice anything’s wrong. They’re too busy with their own lives to give yours any credence. Honestly, they probably wouldn’t notice you were gone until you started to stink up the place. That’s why you’re in the bathroom. They have to go in there. They have to notice it’s locked. Eventually, they’ll get fed up with knocking and just bust it down, and right when they’re ready to deliver the lecture, BAM! There you are. Then they’ll know. No, that’s not it…You’re angry, filled from toes to nose to crown with boiling rage. How dare they treat you the way they do! You aren’t trying to be the center of the world, you don’t even care for attention all that much, but you’d at least like the option. Why don’t they drop in and ask if you want to do something or go somewhere. Sure, you usually say no, but what teenager doesn’t? It would be nice if they at least bothered to try. That’s what they’re supposed to do – try! But, no. The only time they talk to you is when you get a bad grade or they need to “correct” some stupid faux pas you made so they don’t look like complete idiots. No…that doesn’t seem right, either. You don’t know how you’re feeling, do you, Blake? That’s the problem. If you did, you might be able to follow through and take the pills. It’s not weakness, it’s confusion. If you’re going to commit to something so momentous, you may as well know why. I know why, Blake. I know exactly why, and I want to help you. You’re depressed, you just don’t know it, and you wouldn’t want to admit it if you did. That’s okay. Tell me if this sounds familiar: you’re hungry, angry, lonely, tired, and scared, all at the same time. And with it all, you don’t have the energy, much less the desire, to go anywhere, to break out of your bubble and interact in any meaningful way. You don’t feel like you’re worthy of it. How could you be? I’m in your head, Blake. You see your peers living it up and just owning who they are. Look at Brianna. She’s not the valedictorian, but she’s smart enough to be. She just knows there’s no reason. She dances, does community service, has a job, and tons of friends. With a resume like that, and the test scores she humble brags about, what school wouldn’t want her? And now look at you, a sniveling baby, sitting on a toilet, trying not to cry too loud while you shake and hold onto Mommy’s sleeping pills. But all right, it’s okay. Intelligence isn’t everything. You don’t need to be as driven as Brianna. You’d take being Jad. He’s so effortlessly good at the drums, and he’s just so confident in himself. The girls swoon over him, right? It’s a little weird, because, honestly, you don’t think that he’s all that good-looking. At the very least, he can’t be that much more attractive than you, can he? Yet, somehow, he always seems to be flanked by a bunch of thirsty girls while you awkwardly try to talk through messaging apps. They probably laugh at that, the girls. They laugh at your meek attempts to get their attention. You’d feel bad if they talked about you like that, but the sad truth is, not only do they not talk about you, they probably don’t even know who you are. It’s like all the shows and movies about the geeky loner who has greatness thrust upon him and all his fortunes turn around, except you are just utterly unremarkable as you sit on the toilet, trying not to cry too loud while you shake and hold onto Mommy’s sleeping pills. I know how you feel, Blake. I’ve thought these thoughts. I’ve been in the same cloud you have many times. That confusion, that hopelessness is overwhelming. Listen to me: there’s nothing wrong with you. These feelings, they’re not what you should be feeling, not what you deserve to feel, but they are normal, and they will pass. Take a deep breath, count to five, put the lid back on, put the bottle in the cabinet, and get out of that bathroom. I know it’s hard to believe, but high school will end, and with it all the drama and angst that goes with being a teenager. College will come and go even faster, and before long you’ll be out of the competition and into your own. Believe me, I know every adult you’ve ever met has told you the same thing. I know it’s hard for you to think that far ahead. I mean, if you want to get mathematical about it, I’ve lived through five years about seven times and you’ve lived through five years only three times. It’s a weird comparison, but think about what that means. Compared to me and other adults, time has to feel so long for you. Ten minutes for you is like five minutes for me…maybe that’s not true, but I think the spirit of it is close enough. The point is, no matter how bad you feel now, those feelings will go away with time. They’ll come back, but they aren’t the norm, and they aren’t your Fate. Somebody told me something once, I can’t remember who. Maybe I just heard it somewhere. Doesn’t matter. I’d like to share it with you, because I believe it. We are the sum of our choices. This, taking these pills, is a big choice, Blake. It’s more consequential than any other decision you’ve ever made. More importantly, Blake, once you make it, that’s it – you can’t undo it. We may make mistakes, and some of those mistakes will be really, really bad, but until we draw our last breaths, we have the chance to shift the balance of our decisions toward something we can take pride in. We can’t erase the mistakes, but we can do our best to own up to them, to seek redemption, and to help ourselves avoid making them again. Not with this, though. Worse, no matter what other good we’ve done in our lives, regardless of how we’re remembered, there’ll always be that horrible asterisk that outshines everything else. When people think our names, they’ll automatically think of the word – suicide. I won’t patronize and ask you if that’s really what you want, I know it’s not. It has to be said, though. It has to be said, Blake. But I know how this story ends, and I’m proud of you for it. More than that, I’m grateful. Choose differently now, and not only do you remove yourself, but you erase me, this letter, and everything else I love. It’s because of you that I’m here now, Blake. And, without going too deep into it, let me just say that all these things I’ve told you here, you’ll come to appreciate. You’re going to be okay, buddy. You’re going to be okay. It starts with making the right choice now, the healthy choice. Do yourself a favor, Blake. Put the cap back on, put the pills in the cabinet, get out of that bathroom, and go talk to someone. Talk to Mom. Talk to Dad. Talk to Jim. You don’t have to tell them, just talk to them. Remind yourself that there are people who love you. Remind yourself that the mean, evil thoughts in your head are your own insecurities trying to rile you up. Remind yourself that the stupid things people say to you in class or in the hallway are just dumb teenage drama, kids trying to get attention by being as wild, rebellious, and ridiculous as they can be. It’ll pass. You’ll learn to recognize those thoughts for what they are, to use them as motivation to be better. You’ll see those same bullies become kind and compassionate because they have children, and they recognize that there are people out there who act like they acted and they don’t want to see their child be treated the way they treated you. All the while, the people you love will still be there, same as ever, because they need you like you need them. Most importantly, nothing is forever, Blake, the bad or the good. Make the most with what you have. Ride out the bad because you know it will end. Appreciate the good because you never know how long it will last. Most of all, love yourself Blake. Put the cap on, put the pills away, and get out of that bathroom. Don’t lose sight of your hope for the future for traumas in your past. It’s easier said than done, I know, but, trust me, it’s worth the effort. I love you, Blake, and I’m grateful for you and all you do. Take care, buddy. Love, Blake