Hey Geeky Crochet! My best friend is having a baby girl in October and I want to make her a gift. Her theme is Harry Potter! I don’t know much about Harry Potter and I want to make her an activity cube or blanket. Any suggestions for what to include/ make would be greatly appreciated!
Well, this has dominated my life for the last 8 years+. I've tried everything under the sun and probably spend collectively over 5000 hours researching how to cure this. I have SD on my scalp and have started to get serious about fixing it over the last 6 months after a bout of hair loss went on for 3 years and hasn't stopped / no new regrowth.
I've tried ACV washes, nizoral, steroid shampoo, coal tar shampoo, on and on and on. Literally everything. All kinds of vitamins. Head shoulders. Selsun blue. You name it I've tried it. Blood tests. Doctors. Derms.
Along with examining my diet, I started seeing which foods triggered a flare up. For me this was nuts, seeds, caffeine, other random products. I found this out about 6 months ago through trial and error, however even after stopping eating these things, I would still randomly get flare ups.
The flare ups always led to hair loss because the scalp environment was so nasty! Itchy, etc. The hair was all in the shedding phase, greasy, thin, wispy. Not in the growth phase.
Ended up meeting this girl at dinner who had acne and cured it using holistic methods. She told me about this Colombian dermatologist on insta that she followed and recommended to me. Obviously this was last straw for me, as all the dermatologists I'd been to only prescribed me topical to cure from the outside. This doctor links all these skin conditions to oxidative stress, mitochondrial damage / low function, the gut, inflammation, etc and his approach looks at curing the cells inside. Anyways, I paid $100 for an online consultation and waited 2 months for it. (The story gets interesting).
Well, in the meantime, I was reading some of the medical studies he was publishing (this is not sponsored at all!! These are medical studies published on national med health etc) and kept seeing oxidative stress being mentioned. SO, I did my OWN research because I wanted to see if I could make progress before my appointment, ended up coming across PQQ and COQ10 supplements which promote mitochondrial repair and reduce free radicals in the body (they are a type of anti oxident). I'm not a scientist, I'm just telling my story. And keep in mind, I was 100000% a NON believer in supplements. I thought they were all a money grab and pointless. Don't work. etc. And they weren't cheap to try! (You can get them cheaper and combined in 1 pill but I bought separate and the best brand to start with so it was more expensive).
So on my own accord, I bought PQQ and COQ10 and started supplementing them 2 months before my appt with this derm. Well, for the first time ever, I haven't had a SINGLE flare up in 2 months!!!!!! Normally I would have 2-3 a week. I see new hair growing on my scalp, and my hair has completely changed to look healthy, full bodied, strong, it's not falling out, and my scalp is 100% clear. I could honestly cry.
Ended up having the derm appt with this insta doctor a few days ago and he didn't even prescribe me either of these, but he did prescribe a stack of other supplements (sod lider, saw palmetto, pre-pro biotics, and vit D2 and k12) which I've ordered and will update on later.
TL;DR: 2 months taking COQ10, PQQ and 0 flare ups. Healthy scalp. Science behind it = oxidative stress causes these skin conditions, high free radicals lead to inflammation, mitochondrial stress (when mitochondria are not working at full capacity, they shut off certain processes leading to things like SD). These supps are the building blocks of new mitochondria. And under very well recommended dermatologist, I will be starting sod lider, saw palmetto, pro-pre biotics this week! Though I'm not sure how much they can improve because my scalp has been perfect these last 2 months.
I (18F) is inlove with my bestfriend (18M) for 5 years now. We met when we were 13 on a Math competition and the moment I set my eyes on him, I knew he is the one I'll be dreaming of forever. We got close 2 years after we met and I confessed my love to him but he doesn't feel the same which is expected but surprisingly our friendship continued to flourish. But last year around October, he slowly lost interest on me. He is constantly telling me how boring I am which surprises me bcs I known him to be very sensitive to others feelings, especially to mine. Then I found out a few months ago that he's been crushing on this very very very beautiful woman who is his current classmate and he is very charmed with her beauty. I constantly think that he probably lost interest on me bcs he found a prettier person and that is the one he wants to spend his day with. Though he tells me that he has no plans of pursuing her bcs he doesn't deserve her, I know that he'll rather waste his time thinking of her 24/7 than talk to his bestfriend. Our friendship is getting rough and he actually ghosted me for no actual reason which I think to be that he wants to distance himself from me bcs he wants to focus on this new girl. We just very recently got to talk again after 6 months of no conversations but, the only thing he is telling me is how beautiful his crush is and how much he admires her. She is very beautiful indeed, but it crushes me inside that the sweet and funny person I loved so much when I was younger and the person who I am talking now who is obsessed with his crush's beauty are the same person. I miss those days when we were younger when we talk about nonsense things or things that are too deep to be understood by us than now where the only thing coming out from his mouth is the name of his love. I love him so much, and I can't afford to lose him again, but, even though I have him again, it still feels empty, because I know that the person I'm talking to now is way too different from the person I was very inlove with. Sometimes I think that maybe one day he'll like me back, but just like how Laufey says in the song Magnolia, "how can I compete with her, perfection is the only word I think of when I think of Magnolia.". His crush is the real definition of perfect, and I know that I'll never be able to fit on his standards because of 'Magnolia'. I felt like I lost the love of my life, and I also lost the only bestfriend I have, just because of a pretty girl, 'Magnolia'.
I always loved star wars as an idea without having watched any movies at all. Couldn't afford them as a kid. Then I became 16, started going to the movies with friends and watched maybe one or two (rogue one I think and another one).
A week ago I decided I'll start from the beginning. The trilogy is a masterpiece, I don't know who the haters are who say that it is not necessary watching because of the bad CGI and the boring plot, this stuff is classic. From realizing that Anakin is Darth Vader in that scene to seeing him nearly-dying made me feel infinite ways: compassion, disappointment, sadness, etc. Then it clicked and I said "that is how Darth Vader is Luke's father", once Padme's babies were named. I would love to not have known the "I'm your father" scene but it's unavoidable whether you're a SW fun or not.
Just finished Solo as well, to me it's neat af. From getting introduced to the Millennium Falcon (you can imagine my excitement) to Chewbacca, it was so good.
Now I'd like your opinion. In my list (which I found inline) next up is Obi Wan Kenobi, Andor, Rogue One and then episodes 4-5-6. Is this a good order?I've heard that it's the best for a newbie like me. I am not mentioning the next ones since it's gonna take a while to get there. I can see there are two different obiwans, the Obi Wan Kenobi and the same but named A jedi's return. How to watch these?
Hi everyone! My son's name is Forest but he goes by Rory. We're having a baby girl and would love some pretty names that sound good with Rory. I have a few in mind but would love some help. Thank you!
I work in a female dominated position. I'm so uninvolved with everyone's life and the drama everyone there seems to make for themselves. I keep to myself a lot at work, because I know I can't trust anyone to use what I say against me. I don't take joy in bashing others and talking shit and spreading rumors about someone. I'm there to work and if I make a few friends along the way, that's great. One of my coworkers just voluntarily started talking about my other coworkers to me, and I found out a lot of things about the girls that I otherwise had no idea about, and I've been working there for a year and a half. That's how uninvolved I am.
I absolutely hate working with so many women, because the whole atmosphere resorts back to being in high school. Once a clique forms, they're inseparable and insufferable. They all start talking shit about you without naming names 5 feet away from you. They think they're perfect all the time and don't make mistakes.
One of these girls is trying to get a rise out of me, which I won't submit to. We already don't acknowledge each other or make eye contact when walking past. It's a mutual agreement that we do not like each other, and that's fine. But now it's getting to the point where I have anger and annoyance built up on Friday's because of her. I'm not hateful person at all. I let things go very easily, but the rage I feel in my chest for her is topping the rest of my emotions and affecting my weekends. I want to blurt out to her to shut the fuck up, but I don't want to give her what she wants by getting a rise out of me.
I don't even think this is me looking for advice, just a place to vent. I know that what I want to do is ignore her, so maybe I'm just looking for how to not let her get under my skin...
Okay, I’m 11 weeks pregnant and have started to think about baby names. I don’t know gender yet, but I’ve known for a while that I want an A name. My husband & I’s names both start with A and I want us to have the same initials. For a boy, we both like the name “August” because my husbands middle name is Augustus, and I just like the name august, I think its timeless & classic, yet still modern. I struggle with girl names because I dont like generic names like Alyssa, Addison, Adley, etc. and I don’t like names that are too girly. I really like this one name, but I’m scared to tell anybody it because I dont know if it’s totally off the wall. I think I just made it up in my head, I’ve never heard of anyone with this name, so please tell me if it’s ridiculous or if it’s a pretty name. The name is “Abryn” (pronounced Ay-bren). I figured there’s many nicknames we could use like Bryn, Abrie, Ryn, Rennie, etc. I just want some honest opinions before I tell anyone that this name is in the running, what do you all think?
"Pig! Nasty fat pig! - Arthur thought with irritation, leaving the subway, - Squeals, as if she is being cut! Businesswoman! I would put this businesswoman with doggy style right on her huge table and fuck her like a..."
Arthur Lomov was thirty-four and he had everything, like people have - a house, a wife, a child, death ahead, and death inside. He also had a job that he hated. More precisely, the work itself did not cause rejection in him, work as work is no worse than then of others. He did not like the bosses (who likes their?). And not even all the bosses, but only the headmistress, the one whom he was going to "fuck". Sleek and haughty, she spoke to people with undisguised disgust, through her teeth, sincerely and deeply despising the "cattle" that surrounded her. Lomov including. He was nobody for her, a manager, what millions, not even an insect, but a bacterium, office plankton. She has not fired him until now just because there was no case. And then the crisis broke out and rumors about layoffs spread around the office.
And as luck would have it, Arthur mixed up some numbers in the quarterly report. Margarita Nikolaevna called him into the office, and screamed as if he had stabbed and robbed a beggar on the porch of church! Not only did she deduct 30 percent from his salary, she also promised to fire he next time! Yes, he himself would have gone, on the same day! If he had money, real big money, say a million dollars!
Arthur suddenly imagined how he, in an expensive dark gray Versace suit, with a small suitcase in his hand, ignoring the screams of secretary, opened the door with a kick and entered the hated office. How the headmistress's already round stupid eyes are rounded.
"What do you want, Lomov?" She asks.
“I have a business proposal!” He says and puts the case on the table; - I want to fuck you ... Yes, to fuck you now on that table fore million dollars! Behind, you a lustful bitch!
“Yes, you are drunk Lomov, leave my office immediately ...” the headmistress says and the last word gets stuck in her throat, because at that moment Arthur opens the suitcase and she sees tight green bundles with real American money.
The headmistress hardly takes her eyes off the dollars, looks at Lomov, then back at the money. Her primitive brain tries to comprehend the non-standard situation and begins to boil.
"Where did you get this from, Lomov?" she says, swallowing her saliva.
"Who cares? You agree?"
The woman's face is covered with red spots, becomes confused and even somehow miserable.
“This is so unexpected…” she mutters, “what if someone comes in?”
Lomov does not answer anything, and only looks at the headmistress, enjoying her confusion.
Finally, having overcome her excitement, she presses the "selector" button:
“Lena don’t let anyone in to see me! I'm busy!"
Then she raises her eyes to Lomov and begins to unbutton her blouse with trembling fingers, the buttons do not obey her, she throws it, grabs the zipper on her skirt.
At this moment, Lomov slams the suitcase shut and takes it off the table.
"Best wishes!" he says.
"In what sense?" The headmistress asks bewildered.
"I changed my mind!" Arthur calmly answers and, without looking back, leaves the office...
He dreamed so much that he almost fell under the wheels and right on the pedestrian crossing. Some idiot on a tinted "nine" flashed in front of him, Arthur barely had time to bounce, but did not calculate his strength and fell into a puddle.
“No, that’s not good,” he thought, rising to his feet and shaking off the dirt from his jacket, “I need to drink urgently!”
* * *
The pub turned out to be very unpresentable, but this did not bother Lomov. Taking two mugs of beer, he hardly found a free table in the bluish smoke and finally took his first long sip.
- Your headmistress got nitpicking you up, and you are completely innocent of anything? - Arthur heard a dry cracked voice in his ear.
He raised his eyes and saw that a dubious appearanceg peasant with a week-long stubble and two mugs of light beer was sitting at his table. Since the question was purely rhetorical, Arthur merely chuckled vaguely in response.
Now ask me, how do I know this? - the stranger did not want to lag behind.
- What is this?
- Well, the fact that you were fucked by your headmistress for no reason at all?
- Well, how do you know that? - Said Arthur to get rid of the importunate type.
- It's very simple - I'm God! - The stranger said triumphantly. And noticing the bewilderment in the eyes of the interlocutor, he explained:
- Well, the one who created the Earth, the Sky and all this! - He glanced around at the smoky pub.
The life of Artur Lomov developed in such a way that he was not ready for such meetings.
"Yeah, that's exactly how I imagined you!" he chuckled sarcastically.
But the impostor, as it turned out, was not going to joke at all.
- What did you want? I look like this because of you! Because that's how you represent me! And if you were a Hindu, I could now have an elephant's head and a long trunk. What if you were a Mayan...
- Don't, I understand everything, - Arthur stopped him, - Just don't expect me to buy you beer!
- Do not make me laugh! I can create so much beer that it will flood not only your entire Moscow, but the entire planet! And what, not a bad idea - a worldwide beer flood! It is high time! Pathetic little people completely lost their fear, they do what they want! I created such a beautiful planet for you: blue seas, snow-capped mountains, shady forests, crystal waters of rivers! And what did you turn it into?
“Yes, the guy seems to be in trouble with his head!” - thought Arthur, listening to the ravings of an uninvited drinking companion.
Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.
- Well, if you are so omnipotent, could you, just as an entertainment, create for me, let's say a small suitcase with a million dollars? Lomov asked.
“I could,” reply the impostor, not at all embarrassed, “but I won’t. You see, money is such a thing… no matter how much they give you it anyway, very soon you will feel that this is not enough. I'd rather make sure you never need money at all. Is it coming?
Arthur shrugged vaguely.
- I will turn you, well, let's say ... - the stranger thought for a second, - into a rat!
“I don’t want to be a rat,” Lomov suddenly got scared, “they are vile and nasty!”
- No, no, just a rat! Big black rat! But not today, tomorrow. In the meantime, drink your beer!
- Wait! Don't turn me into anyone! - Arthur shouted, but the hanyga had already vanished into cigarette smoke.
* * *
Arthur could not get the key into the keyhole for a long time, and when he finally managed to open the door, he saw his wife in a dressing gown with a crumpled night face.
- Where are you hanging out? – Unkindly asked she, - Do you know what time it is? And why isn't the cell phone answering?
- The phone is dead. Probably ... - Arthur muttered, barely moving his tongue.
- You're l drunk! - The wife said and grimaced in disgust, - And with whom did you get so drunk?
- You will not believe - with God!
- Moron! - said the wife and slapped Arthur on the head with a slipper.
- I am not kidding! I actually drank beer with God and he promised to turn me into a rat! Tomorrow! - He suddenly felt funny, and he began to choke with laughter, - Imagine, tomorrow you wake up, and your husband is a rat, or rather ratman! But it's tomorrow, and now I want to sleep!
- You idiot, take off your shoes! - said the wife and went to the kitchen.
Lomov threw off his shoes with difficulty and went into the bedroom and, without undressing, collapsed onto the bed.
* * *
He dreamed of some nonsense: Margarita Nikolaevna, completely naked, in only shoes, walked around the office, scolded negligent employees, gave valuable instructions. The subordinates listened to her with a serious look and nodded their heads. And only one Arthur could hardly contain the laughter. But when the naked headmistress began to teach the electrician how to properly install the outlet, Lomov could not stand it and literally neighed out loud.
- Lomov, what's the matter with you? - Margarita Nikolaevna asked sternly, - Did I say something funny? By the way, how are you going to compensate for the colossal loss that you caused the company with your mistakes in the report? Do you have a million dollars?
- I have? – Surprised Arthur – Where?
- Then we could cut off your hand! - Suggested Margarita Nikolaevna, - Although wait! Say, are you drinking?
- It's good that you don't drink, and then we'll take your liver. Or not, better a kidney, because you have two of them!
And then Arthur saw a huge kitchen knife flash in the headmistress's hand. He realized that it was time to run, but his legs suddenly became wobbly and he could not budge...
* * *
Waking up the next morning with a sore head, Arthur first tried to understand why he felt so bad? Obviously, because he got drunk yesterday - that's clear. He strained his brain, and he managed to remember the scandal arranged by the headmistress, as well as the promise to fire him. After such it was a sin not to get drunk! But where? He didn't remember this.
However, there was no time to think, he was already late for work. Taking a sip of cold tea from a cup standing on the table, he quickly dressed and rushed out into the street.
* * *
Despite all the efforts, Lomov was still late for work. As soon as he sat down at his desk and turned on the computer, the secretary called and said that Margarita Nikolaevna urgently wanted to see him. His heart immediately felt ugly and cold.
Arthur honestly tried, following Chekhov, to squeeze a slave out of himself, drop by drop, but somehow it didn’t work out very well. He could convince himself as much as he wanted that the worst thing this woman could do to him was to fire him. Only and everything! But after all, he has arms, legs and a head on his shoulders; he will not die of hunger. But as soon as he was in the director's office, all logical arguments instantly evaporated, and only one animal inexplicable irrational fear remained. That vile, shrill voice pulled things out of the depths of his subconscious that he didn't even know existed. He literally physically felt how he began to decrease in size.
Even now, standing in front of the huge director's desk, like a delinquent schoolboy, he could not get rid of the feeling of his own insignificance.
“Not only are you unable to write an elementary report,” Margarita Nikolaevna’s voice boomed in his ears, “you are also late!” What do you not like about your work? Or do you want to be reduced?
Lomov suddenly imagined that he really was reduced, and at the same moment he saw how all the items in the director's office, including the hostess, began to grow rapidly. He did not immediately guess that in fact no one and nothing is growing, and that he himself is decreasing in size.
- Arthur Valentinovich, what are you doing? – Finally noticed the strange metamorphoses headmistress, - Immediately stop, I order you!
But Lomov was no longer able to stop anything. He was already looking at the edge of the director's table from the bottom up, and after a couple of seconds he realized that his height did not exceed the height of a woman's shoe.
- Rat! - Margarita Nikolaevna suddenly squealed and jumped onto the table with unexpected agility, - Lena, come here soon!
Whistling a few centimeters from his temple, the massive crystal ashtray hit the carpet with a dull thud, and Arthur realized that any delay could cost him his life. With all his might, he rushed under the closet, and a mobile phone and a few obscene words flew after him.
- Where is the rat, Margarita Nikolaevna? - asked the secretary, who came running to the cry.
- She hid under the closet! Call the guard as soon as possible, the closet must be urgently moved away before she runs away!
Realizing that he could not hide here, Arthur began to look for a way out and soon discovered a gap between the plinth and the wall. With difficulty, squeezing through a narrow opening, he found himself in a pier between the main wall and the plasterboard panels with which the office was sheathed. Only now did he feel relatively safe and tried to analyze the situation.
First, he realized that not only had he shrunk in size, but even worse, he had turned into a rat (he never liked rats). This followed not only from the screams of the headmistress (she could call her subordinate and not that way!) but mainly from the long bare tail dragging after him.
And only then Arthur remembered yesterday's visit to the pub and dubious type who called himself God.
It must be said that yesterday he treated his random drinking companion rather lightly, but now, under the pressure of circumstances, he was forced to admit that the impostor was far from being as simple as it seemed to him at first glance. Of course, he is no God, that's clear. But who? For some reason I didn't want to think about it.
Meanwhile, a security guard came and pushed the closet away. They searched for Arthur for a long time and unsuccessfully, but found only a gap in the wall.
- She probably climbed into this hole, - said the guard, - now you can’t smoke her out of there! Or you order to break the wall?
Then the supply manager and some other people came, made noise, moved the furniture.
This bustle tired Lomov, and he dozed off, and when he woke up, there was dead silence. Obviously, the working day has already ended and everyone has gone home. He was terribly hungry, however, not surprising, because he had not eaten anything since yesterday. And then his nostrils caught a delicious smell, it came from the director's office, seeped through the cracks in the wall, penetrated into the brain and caused painful salivation.
Overcoming fear, Lomov cautiously crawled out of hiding and, sniffing the air, moved in the direction of the source of the seductive aroma. Very soon he realized that the smell was coming from the drawer. Using the wires leading to the monitor, he deftly climbed onto the table, but the drawer was closed, and Arthur's weak rat paws were simply unable to pull it out. Luckily, there was a pencil on the table, he pushed it through the slot and, acting as a lever, opened the drawer rather quickly. To his disappointment, he found there only a pile of useless papers and a thick stack of five thousandth bills tied with an elastic band. The impostor did not deceive, now Lomov's money was not at all interested, out of annoyance he even shit on them, but this only increased the hunger.
“Did the devil pull me to ask this idiot for a million dollars?! - he thought, listening to the hungry cramps in his stomach - And yet, where does this smell come from? How can money smell so delicious!”
He rummaged through the entire drawer filled with stupid papers and finally found in the very corner under some kind of contract a small moldy piece of cheese. Well, yes, of course, it was cheese, only he could emit such an attractive aroma.
Arthur ate it in a couple of seconds and of course he didn’t sated a drop. Unable to resist, he even began to gnaw at the contract, soaked with a cheese smell.
- Are you eating contracts? Look, you will earn an ulcer! - Arthur heard a sly voice behind him and turned around. On the edge of the table sat a small but rather pretty white rat.
- Hello! My name is Larisa, - the rat introduced herself, - And you are Arthur from the sales department!
- Exactly, but how do you know me?
- Yes, I used to work in the logistics department; I was fired six months ago.
- Larisa from logistics? I remember you! - Arthur was delighted, - Such a pretty blonde, you still always wore very short skirts, our men just twisted their necks when you walked down the corridor.
- That's why I was fired.
- Wait, are you, too, like I used to be a human?
- All rats were once people, - Larisa remarked philosophically, - but fear turns a person into an animal.
- What kind of nonsense? - Arthur was skeptical.
- No nonsense. British scientists conducted research and came to the conclusion that over the past 40 years, the IQ in rats has increased by 10 points! And at the same time in all rats living in different parts of the globe.
- And what? Rats live next to people and learn all sorts of tricky things from them!
- Let's admit it. Do you know how many people disappear without a trace every year in our country? 80 thousand! A man went out to the nearest store for bread and did not return!
- Do you think they all turn into rats?
- Maybe not all, but many. We have become!
It was difficult to object to such an argument, and Arthur remained silent.
- What are we all talking about? - said Larisa, - you're probably hungry? Come on, I've got something from the New Year's banquet.
Larisa led Arthur to her hole, where a sumptuous dinner was waiting for them: there were half-eaten sandwiches with boiled pork and smoked sausage, and assorted fish, and of course cheese, a lot of cheese.
Satisfying his hunger, Arthur took a closer look at Larisa and suddenly realized that he liked her. And even her long bare tail now did not cause disgust, but rather seemed piquant. And what a wonderful smell emanated from her small, but such a dexterous little body!
Unable to resist the call of the flesh, he approached her from behind and put his paws on her shoulders.
* * *
- Darling! Do you want us to have little rats? - Larisa asked a few minutes later, snuggling comfortably on Lomov's shoulder.
- What? What other rats? Arthur didn't understand.
- Well, how? We didn't protect ourselves! And I am very prolific, in the last litter I brought twelve rats!
- Oh my God! Lomov groaned, “But you can’t do it somehow so that ... well, you understand!”
- Don't you want us to have little rats?
- No, you misunderstood me, that's not the point! It's just all of a sudden...
- What is unexpected? If you don't want little rats, say so!
- It's not that I don't want little rats. You see, this happened to you a long time ago, and in six months you have probably turned into a real rat, you feel like a rat and think like a rat. And I was still a human this morning...
- You were office plankton! - Larisa reminded.
- Okay, so be it! But I walked on two legs, wore a blue suit, a striped tie, and drank Gösser beer.
- You can get beer in the garbage dump, - Larisa suggested, - Sometimes unfinished bottles are thrown there.
- I don't want beer from the dump, damn it! - Arthur got angry, - And I don't want to be a rat! Why on earth should I be a rat? Why, Lord? There are so many real scums around: thieves, robbers, murderers, rapists, child molesters! Well, why me?!
“You and I seem to have such karma,” Larisa sighed sadly, “never mind. Let's sleep better, and tomorrow we'll go to the garbage heap and find you a Gösser beer.
* * *
Lomov fell asleep and had a wonderful dream. In this dream, he was human again.
He was lying in a small bright room on a clean sheet, covered up to his chin with a striped woolen blanket. The gentle spring sun shone through the window, and the soul was light and calm.
He thought that, perhaps, he should go to wash and already threw back the covers, but at that moment voices and noise were heard outside the door. Arthur returned the blanket to its place and pretended to be asleep.
People entered the room, through narrowed eyelids Lomov could only see through the legs and the skirts of white coats.
- But Semyon Arkadyevich, pay attention, a very interesting case! - said the first rather pleasant male voice, - Sick Lomov, he entered yesterday. Hypomanic arousal in an acute form, convinced that he is a rat. When the team arrived, he rushed around the director's office, biting, scratching, trying to hide under the closet, barely managed to calm him down. He was injected with 4 cubes of chlorpromazine. When he wakes up, for some time he will adequately perceive the surrounding reality, but after a few hours the effect of the drug will end.
- Very good! - Answered the second voice, - continue aminazin, add more phenazepam and electroconvulsive therapy. Who's next for us?
- Maklakov, Delirium tremens, entered three days ago...
The voices began to fade, the dream gradually melted away and Lomov found himself again lying in the rat hole. A white rat sat next to him and somehow strangely (with tenderness?) looked at him.
- Larisa? You? - He asked, looking at the animal.
- Well, yes, Larisa, who else?
- You know Larisa, I had such a strange dream here! - Lomov yawned, unable to restrain himself, - As if I had become a man again, I was lying in a clean, bright room, some people in white coats were coming and saying something. It seems like I got sick, I'm in the hospital, and they treat me.
- I, too, at first dreamed of something similar, but then everything went away, - Larisa reassured him, - And it will pass for you too!
- I do not want will pass! Vice versa. Understand - I do not want to be a rat, sleep in this stinking hole, and eat garbage! I want to be human!
- Unfortunately, this is a one-way street.
- In what sense?
- I asked to other rats. There has never been such a case that a rat became a man.
- And what, there is no hope?
- To be honest, not the slightest. Okay, stop talking, let's go have breakfast in the trash, otherwise yesterday we ate up all the supplies!
- I won't go, - Arthur answered and lay down, resting his head on his front paws.
- Okay, lie down. Then I'll bring you something delicious. Do you want rotten herring intestines?
"Then what do you want I to bring?"
- I do not want anything.
- You can't do that, Arthur. If you don't eat, you'll get sick and soon die!
- That's good, everything is better than this life!
- You know, Arthur, I used to think so too, but then I realized one very simple thing: since we exist as outcasts ...
- Outcasts? Lomov asked.
- Well, yes - rats, cockroaches, crickets and others ... So, since we are exist, then someone needs it!
- To whom? To office plankton? So that they look at us and rejoice that it is not they who have to rummage through the garbage in search of rotten herring intestines?
- Well, yes, at least. And don't forget that at any moment they themselves can be in our place!
- I don't want to be a scarecrow for these one-celled!
- And what do you want?
- Don't know. I don't want to live, that's what!
- We must be careful with desires, - Larisa warned, - they tend to come true!
- Well, let! I want to die and the sooner the better!
- Bad deed is not tricky. There are thousands of ways: you can deliberately climb into a mousetrap, or, for example, go out into the yard in the evening and shout: “Cats are motherfuckers!”
- Faggots! Cretins! Jerks! - Heard the cries of Margarita Nikolaevna from behind the wall, - I will fire you all; you will eat rotten meat in my garbage dump! I told you yesterday to catch a rat! Not only did this bastard gobble up a million dollar contract, but he also pissed off my money!
“Money can be laundered,” the financial director advised timidly, “now many do it!
- Here you take Mark Antonovich and launder this money as you want! And you, Igor Ivanovich, as the head of the security department, urgently take care of the rat! And so that by tomorrow morning I could see her corpse!
- Then I went for mousetraps? Igor Ivanovich asked.
- Go, do something already! Do not stand like idols!
* * *
Arthur not only did not go with Larisa to the trash, but did not even touch the delicacies that she brought him. He spent the whole day lying in the hole, with his head on his paws and staring dully in front of him.
But by evening, when there was no food left, hunger began to make itself felt. Thoughts of suicide disappeared somewhere; he wanted cheese, ham, grain, and most importantly more and more. At first he endured, trying to hide his cowardice, but then he could not stand it.
- Listen Laris, and there you have nothing left to gnaw? - he asked.
- No, I finished everything, you refused! - Answered Larisa, - But I think it's time to visit our headmistress's office. The working day is already over; no one will interfere with us.
Four mousetraps were waiting for them in the office, richly stuffed with cheese, sausage and even lard.
- Give me a pencil! Larisa asked.
Arthur climbed onto the table and brought a pencil. Larisa put it in a mousetrap and it snapped shut, breaking the back of the pencil.
- Well, now you can safely eat cheese! - She said.
While Larisa was fiddling with the next mousetrap, Lomov decided to look for food on his own, and very quickly found a saucer of flour in the corner behind the bedside table. True, the smell of flour was a little strange, but the hunger was so strong that he did not become picky.
- You're so funny! - Larisa giggled when she saw Arthur, - you have a white mustache, and the whole muzzle!
- Yes, I'm here ... I found flour ... - Lomov muttered and began to embarrassedly rub his muzzle with varnishes.
- Wait, are you eating flour? Larisa asked, and her gaze was filled with genuine horror.
- Yes, what wrong? - Arthur spoke slowly, involuntarily infected by her fear.
- I knew it! You could not be left alone for a second; you are like a small child! It's my entire fault!
- Wait a minute, explain plainly what happened?
- There is such an old way of killing rats and mice. Flour is mixed with alabaster and placed in a conspicuous place. Now you will be thirsty, the alabaster will mix with the water, the solution will immediately seize, and you will die a slow and painful death.
- What if you don't drink?
- Then you will die of dehydration. Not a very pleasant ending either.
Wait, you must be wrong! Maybe there was no alabaster in that flour? 'Cause I can't die, I'm so young!
- Okay, let's go; let's look at your flour! - Larissa sighed.
Lomov showed her the saucer; the rat carefully sniffed it and confidently sentenced:
- The smell of alabaster!
- And what will happen now?
- Now you're going begin to die!
- No, it can't be! After all, I have not even begun to truly live, only I was going to! And most importantly - for what?
- I don’t understand where all of a sudden such a thirst for life comes from? Just a few hours ago, you yourself wanted to die!
- I was a fool! And now I understand everything, I want to live! Live by anyone: a blind mole, a cockroach, a worm.
- Whoever you are, sooner or later you would still have to die. Or did you think you'd live forever?
- No, of course, - Arthur was embarrassed, - I just didn't expect everything to happen so quickly and ridiculously. I am not ready!
- Well, get ready, you still have time! I told you - you will go to die for a long time.
- Wait, Laris, it seems it has begun!
- What started?
- Well, what were you talking about. There is something going on inside of me. It feels like... I don't know what to say. It seems like everything is starting to turn to stone!
- I knew it! Well, go to look for your last shelter!
- What other shelter?
- The rat, when it feels that its end is near, leaves its relatives, looks for a secluded place and hides there.
- For what?
- Such is the law - everyone dies alone!
But I don't want to die alone! In fact, I just don't want to die! However, I think I've already said that.
- Of course he did! Come on; crawl away faster while you can still move your paws!
* * *
Arthur wandered for a long time through some basement passageways, crawled into holes, but could not find a quiet place anywhere. There was a rat smell everywhere, or even worse, a cat smell. Finally, he managed to find a seemingly suitable hole, he lay down on a pile of dirty rags, but as soon as he closed his eyes, some devils appeared and dragged him to hell.
"Put me down," he shouted, "I don't want to go to hell! For what? I didn't do anything wrong!"
In response, the devils grinned and were talking among themselves in an incomprehensible language. And when he began to struggle, they twisted his hands (now he had hands!) Behind his back.
But the worst began when they arrived at the place. The devils put a funnel down Arthur's throat and began pouring molten lead into him. However, maybe it was not lead, but silver, platinum, or some other white metal.
Then he vomited with this liquid metal, and then the funnel was inserted again, and everything started all over again. But this was not enough for the devils, and they began to pour the same metal into it only from the other side. His insides were swollen, and it seemed that they were about to burst. Unable to bear the torment, Arthur passed out.
And when he came to himself, he saw a girlish face of angelic beauty bending over him. And suddenly this angelic face approached him and dug into his lips with a passionate kiss.
"Maybe I'm in heaven!" thought Arthur.
- Stop overworking, Lariska, don't you see, he's already recovered! - A rather unpleasant female voice came from somewhere above.
Larisa pulled away and spat.
“I thought he would never recover!” she said, wiping her lips with the back of her hand.
- Where I am? Arthur asked, looking around.
- Where, where, in Karaganda! - Answered the second girl and rolled up with a cheerful laugh, - You better tell us fool, why did you eat cement?
- Cement? So it was cement? – Delighted Arthur, - Definitely not alabaster?
- We have Tajiks doing repairs, - the girl explained, - there are bags of cement in the corridor, so you ate straight from the bag. Dzhamshut came running, complaining, if your patients eat our cement, how can we repair? You had to do a gastric lavage, and out of habit you almost go to hell! Well, Lariska noticed in time, you can say, she saved your life!
The nurses left (he guessed that they were nurses in white caps and gowns) and Lomov began to inspect the room. On the wall, framed under glass, he noticed a rather strange document. Arthur got out of bed, walked over and began to read.
“A reminder to the new arrivals.
Eight levels of hell.
- Arbuda-naraka - hell of blisters. On a dark frozen valley, surrounded by cold mountains, there is a constant blizzard and snow storm. The inhabitants of this hell are naked and lonely, and their bodies are covered with blisters from the cold. The time spent in this hell is how long it will take to empty a barrel of sesame seeds, if one grain is taken every hundred years.
- Nirarbuda-naraka - the hell of swelling blisters. This hell is even colder and the blisters swell and explode, leaving the bodies covered in blood and pus.
- Atata-naraka - hell when shaking from the cold.
- Hahava-naraka - the hell of weeping and groaning. When the victim moans from the cold.
- Huhuva-naraka - the hell of chattering teeth. Terrible chills and chattering of teeth.
- Utpala-naraka - the hell of the blue lotus, when the constant cold makes the whole skin turn blue like a lily.
- Padma-naraka - lotus hell. A snowstorm covers the frozen body, leaving bloody wounds.
- Mahapadma-naraka - the great lotus hell. The whole body cracks from the cold, and the internal organs also crack from the terrible frost.
Staying in each next level is 20 times longer than in the previous one.
What awaits the unfortunate then Lomov did not have time to find out - a doctor entered the ward. He felt his pulse, pulled his eyelids back, examined his tongue.
- Well, the patient, I see - your condition has stabilized, it's time for the procedures! - He said in a cheerful voice.
- What other procedures? Arthur asked suspiciously.
- Shock cryotherapy.
- What is this? Never heard of such a thing!
- No wonder, this is my own technique. It consists in the following: the patient is stripped naked and placed in a special chamber, cooled to an extremely low temperature...
- Wait, I can't be frozen, I can't stand the cold! My skin is covered with pimples and starts to beat like a fever!
- Get used to, a person gets used to everything. Moreover, you have eternity ahead of you!
Are you a doctor; are you out of your mind? What the hell is eternity? Are you going to freeze me forever? My heart can't take it, I'll just die!
- It's you who are crazy, - the doctor objected, - and now we will treat you!
- Do not treat me, doctor! Yes, I admit, I was sick, but now I am cured. Believe me, I'm healthy! I adequately perceive the reality around me! For God's sake, let me go!
- Would a healthy person eat cement? - The doctor grinned sarcastically.
The orderlies appeared - Lomov recognized in them the very devils who poured liquid metal into him.
They blindfolded the patient and led him through the endless hospital corridors. Then he was taken for a long time in an elevator, as it seemed to him down, and then again there were corridors.
* * *
- I can't be frozen, - just in case, Arthur warned, when the orderlies suddenly began to pull off his clothes, - I'm allergic to cold. I will die immediately!
- Not anymore! - The orderly assured, continuing to undress Lomov.
- In what sense? - Arthur didn't understand.
- In direct! You probably think you're in a psych ward?
- Yes of course! Where else can they bully people like that?
- Wow, "above the people"! - The orderly chuckled, - But just a few hours ago you considered yourself a rat!
- I was wrong! But now that I have realized my delusions, there is no need to keep me in your terrible hospital!
- I told you, this is not a hospital for you!
- What then?
- The ancient Greeks called this place Hades, the Muslims Sakar, the Buddhists - Naraka, the Christians - underworld or just Hell. Atheists believe that there is no such place at all. Remember that jerk on the tinted nine?
- Wait, what do you want to say? But I managed to jump back!
- As you can see, you didn’t have time! - The orderly grunted sarcastically, - You died before the arrival of the ambulance!
- How did I die? Wait, I'm… - Arthur tried to object, but suddenly he realized that he was talking to himself.
He tore off the bandage from his eyes and saw that he was standing completely alone, naked in the middle of an endless snowy plain, and the icy wind was beating his face, tearing tears from his eyes, which immediately hardened, turning into ice.
There was no strength to stand still, and he went at random, trembling all over and falling into the snow almost up to his knees...
Background:I have strict parents. I'm 22 female and three years ago when I was 19 I wasn't even allowed to drive out of our city because I was too far from them. This is my problem that I've been dealing with and working on with my family. This impacted our relationship because my family never knew I had a bf. My boyfriend said he wanted me to tell them because our relationship didn't feel real. Cant travel, sleepover, or even hang out past 10. September 2020: He went to Arizona with his friends, and I am a super lenient gf so I had no problem. Long story short I saw he added 3 girls on Snapchat. He told me he was under the influcene, and one of them was a dealer... i don't know how i believed him tbh. Anyways we fight about that while he is still on this trip, and when he gets back, he breaks up with me. He says my parents are the issue, he feels insecure bc he feels imma leave him for my family and this doesn't even feel like a real relationship and whatever. In my opinion, valid. He had the right. Early October 2020:Fast forward he's crying in my car saying he messed up and wants me back. I tell him he broke up with me so suddenly it's hard for me to fully commit, so we're in this phase of talking every day and going on dates but not officially back.He says he wants to go back to Arizona with his family and friends for Halloween. I say I don't like the idea bc the last time he went he added 3 girls and broke up with me, but I tell him we aren't official so I guess go. But that was more of a test. He knows I'm uncomfortable with it and I wanted to see if he'd respect me. He went :) Haloween: He cheated on me with one of the Snapchat girls but didn't tell me. Present Day: My parents know and do not approve, but he says I proved that I choose him. When I told my mother she had a heart attack, I mean in the hospital for 4 days, a real-life heart attack. But I moved on and we are happy together, and he's controlling of me which I hate, but I live with it because I love him. A couple of nights ago he accidentally told me he was flirting in AZ. I had a bad feeling, I knew something more happened, so I ignore him for a couple of hours, told him I already know the truth and am waiting for him to admit it, made him swear on my life, and finally... he admitted he cheated on me 3 years ago. My brain: Idk what to do or think. I feel like our entire relationship was a lie. He stated that he felt like I was going to leave him anyways, and he was insecure that my body count was 2 and he was 1. what am I supposed to do with that idiotic reasoning? Also, he said that he didn't think our relationship was serious and we weren't together officially. I'm in so much shock that I haven't even cried yet because it hasn't processed. I literally just started making fun of him for cheating with a girl named Juju. I don't know if this is worth breaking up or trying again. I am completely emotionally numb. His brain: Besides the obvious apologizing and whatever he said, a couple of weeks ago he told me he wants to propose in 2 years. He sees our relationship as serious now and says he can't picture ever being without me. I mean it's been 3 years since it happened, so yeah our relationship has changed so much, but it just all feels fake to me now. TL;DR: My boyfriend cheated on me 1 year into our relationship because he felt insecure and I found out 3 years later, when we are much more serious.
I am a cuck. I feel bad because it is specifically with my friends girl. I can explain it. It’s not as bad as it seems. Early this year I met a girl in my science class so I went to add her on snap. She was new and nobody really talked to her so I thought it would be easy to make her mine. We texted for hours on hours and I got pretty close with her. Opening up with her about witnessing my parents divorce and other life struggles. Then I found out her friend (we will call J to keep it anonymous) was friends with her. This was bad because I had a really long talking stage with J not even a year before. But when I told her my feelings she ghosted me. I had just gotten over it too. One night I fell asleep and J made her ghost me. Keep in mind at this point she didn’t know about me and J’s talking stage. At the time I thought that was it. That was until J decided to apologize to me. Leading with her B (again for the sake of being anonymous) apologized as well. We became close and I started talking with J again. That was a rookie mistake because she was worse than last time. I wrote something in my notes app that I was going to send her and I sent it to B and another girl to see if I should send it. Somehow it got out and J started to call me a creep because “I think about her all the time.” So then people started to gang up on her because she was being really dramatic. Plus the note I had in my notes app only said those lovey dovey type things. Like your eyes are gorgeous, I cant stop thinking of you, ect. Me and J end up arguing over text. She even got her cousin to call me “porky.” She stopped talking after I pointed out that only fifth graders still use that. About a month after the situation went down I was looking back and realized who was always there for me. It was B. She defended my name. I guess it was then when I fell for her again. It was bad though because there were rumors of her and A (for the sake of privacy) talking. The only thing holding me back is that me and A have been friends since 3rd grade. Eventually I told her how I felt. It was Ramadan so she couldn’t date but she said she felt the same. I was happy but I wanted A to have a shot. He is my friend. So the next day I ask B if she really wants to pursue me over A. She chose A. It’s ok I thought but I was still sad. A couple months later here I am. Summer is about to start and I have left multiple girls for her. Even though she is dating A. When I talk to her it feels like he doesn’t exist. One time I was wondering if they broke up. The worst part is I know I can treat her better than he is. She knows it too. She was sad at our field trip and A didn’t do anything. It makes me sad so whenever she looks upset I’ll take her under my wing to help her. At the field trip she said “Sam would’ve noticed.” I know I would (I’m Sam). I still flirt with her and there is so much tension. I know I can do better. I even let her have my hat because she liked it. She looked so pretty in it too. I came here because it is almost going to far. I just woke up from a dream about her. Also I wanted to see if anyone had any tips of what to do. That is my confession.
Borderline, the line I walked, the line I lived, the line I talked. And travelled with, the roads that forked, in love, and rain, and coloured chalk.
Oh, Borderline. It wasn’t known. Was rarely shown, did not atone. A little girl became my own, then lost forever, just on loan.
Borderline. It blamed and blamed. It blamed and shamed, it blamed, defamed. A ghost, a demon, never named, it danced with us, its little game.
Borderline; cyclical friend. It holds you close, and has no end. The greatest gifts, the needs it tends. The rules that bend, the letters penned.
Borderline and tiny plans, and fires fanned, a home near sand. The battle plan, a plot of land, A mum at home, a working man.
Dear Borderline, the earth you shook, the years dismissed, the things you took. The bait and line, the shiny hook, Not chapters closed, all of the book.
I don’t know if you guys would be able to help but if you could that would be awesome!!